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nAz
02-01-2008, 12:33 AM
Dear President Bush,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. As you said "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man a woman." I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? (I'm pretty sure she's a virgin).

3. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

4. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

5. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Aren't there 'degrees' of abomination?

6. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

7. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

8. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

9. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging. It must be really great to be on such close terms with God and his son, ... even better than you and your own Dad, eh?

J. Kent Ashcroft (and others).

LWW
02-01-2008, 02:15 AM
You really aren't much into that "GROUNDED IN REALITY" thing are you?

LWW

hondo
02-01-2008, 06:50 AM
Sometimes the point of certain posts just seems to pass you by, doesn't it?
Well, we've all got gaps in our intelligence.
Keep working at it.

nAz
02-01-2008, 11:28 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote hondo:</font><hr> Sometimes the point of certain posts just seems to pass you by, doesn't it?
Well, we've all got gaps in our intelligence.
Keep working at it. <hr /></blockquote>

nothing new here... im starting to have fun again, should only take ten more post by me to get him to call me a moonbat /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif

Deeman3
02-01-2008, 11:47 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote nAz:</font><hr>
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians? <font color="blue"> Don't enslave the Canadians, they will never work and will claim they need health care all the time. Stay with the Hispanics. </font color>

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? (I'm pretty sure she's a virgin). <font color="blue"> What's she look lie, how good are her teeth? You gotta give better info up front. </font color>

3. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? <font color="blue"> NO, go to a southern style sweeter sauce and invite the ingrates over...then smite them. </font color>

4. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it? <font color="blue"> Let God kill him, after all it's his day, it should be his work. Ironically, if you kill him on a Sunday, I'd have to come after you on a Tuesday and I'm kinda busy now. </font color>

5. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Aren't there 'degrees' of abomination? <font color="blue"> It is all the same, unless the win is kosher, in which case, just avoid the Brokeback stuff.. </font color>

6. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here? <font color="blue"> Can you pocket a ball with out the specs? Gee, do I have to interpret everything here! </font color>

7. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die? <font color="blue"> Unless the costume is a part of their stage act, yes. </font color>

8. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? <font color="blue"> Yes, again, but make sure they are U.S Diver's foam but. of course, pray before the huddle. not in it. </font color>

9. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) <font color="blue"> Can you smoke one of the crops, is his wife hot and do his vile words contain references to evilution? Do you have stones of sufficient size to launch a stoning? You apparently need my DeeMan scripture interpreter. Today only $39.95 and I'll drop it off as I fly over in my newly aquired LoveJet. I have Paypal but not on Sunday. </font color>

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. <hr /></blockquote>

<font color="blue">Glad to help you sinner... /ccboard/images/graemlins/smirk.gif </font color>