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View Full Version : Things my mother taught me...



sack316
05-07-2008, 12:38 PM
I thought this was cute... and brought back memories for me as I'm sure it will many of you:


1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE​ A JOB WELL DONE .


'If you're going​to kill each other​,​do it outside.​ I just finished cleaning.'






2. My mother taught me RELIGION.




'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.






3. My mother taught me about​TIME TRAVEL.





'If you don't straighten​ up, I'm going​ to knock​ you into the middle of next week!​'​


4. My mother taught me LOGIC​


' Because I said so, that's why.'






5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC​ .




'If you fall out of that swing​ and break​ your neck,​ you're not going​ to the store​with me.






6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.




'​Make sure you wear clean​ underwear,​in case you're in an accident.'




7. My mother taught me IRONY​.



'​Keep crying,​and I'll give you something to cry about.'




8. My mother taught me about​ the science of OSMOSIS.




'​Shut your mouth​ and eat your supper.'




9. My mother taught me about​ CONTORTIONISM .



'​Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!​'



10. My mother taught me about​ STAMINA.



'​You'll sit there​ until​ all that spinach is gone.'




11. My mother taught me about​ WEATHER.




'​This room of yours​ looks​ as if a tornado went through it.'




12. My mother taught me about​ HYPOCRISY.




'If I told you once,​I've told you a million times.​ Don'​t exaggerate!'​




13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.



'I brought you into this world​,​and I can take you out.'





14. My mother taught me about​ BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.



'​Stop acting like your father!'​



15. My mother taught me about​ ENVY.



'​There​are millions of less fortunate children in this world​ who don't have wonderful parents like you do.'





16. My mother taught me about​ ANTICIPATION.



'​Just wait until​ we get home.'





17. My mother taught me about​ RECEIVING.



'You are going​to get it when you get home!​'



18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.



'If you don't stop crossing your eyes,​they are going​to get stuck​ that way.'




19. My mother taught me ESP.



'Put your sweater on; don't you think​I know when you are cold?'



20. My mother taught me HUMOR.



'When that lawn mower​cuts off your toes,​don't come running to me.'




21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.



'If you don't eat your vegetables​,​you'll never​grow up.'




22. My mother taught me GENETICS.



'​You're just like your father.'




23. My mother taught me about​my ROOTS​.


'Shut that door behind you. Do you think​ you were born in a barn?​'​



24. My mother taught me WISDOM.



'When you get to be my age, you'll under​stand.'




25. And my favorite:​ My mother taught me about​ JUSTICE.


'One day you'll have kids,​and I hope they turn out just like you'


Sack