View Full Version : Favorite Golf Sayings

08-09-2002, 01:23 AM
Thought I'd post some of my favorite golf sayings. I think some of them can be applied to pool.

Even if you hit forty bad shots, you should still keep trying. The other fellow might hit forty-one. Gary Player

I once hit a drive 500 yards...on a par 3. I had a three-wood coming back. Chi Chi Rodriguez

(Advice to a slow-learning pupil) Lay off for three weeks and then quit for good. Sam Sneed

If you think it's hard meeting new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon

(On the decline of golf's TV ratings) We have almost no controversy. Maybe I should get in a fistfight with Jack Nicklaus on the eithteenth green. Tom Watson

I do a lot of humming out on the course. I tend to stick with one song...I shot a 66 to "Moon River." Jack Nicklaus

The person I fear most in the last two rounds is myself. Tom Watson

I am delighted with my score and I won't beat my wife tonight. Jack Nicklaus

I can't believe the actions of some of our top pros. They should have side jobs modeling for Pampers. Fuzzy Zoeller

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. Phyllis Diller

I play with friends, but we don't play friendly games. Ben Hogan

I think gold is the hardest sport to play. One day you're up on Cloud Nine, and the next day you couldn't scratch a whale's belly. Sam Snead

(On losing a six-stroke lead in the 1996 Masters) I'm disappointed, but I'm not going to run around like Dennis Rodman and head-butt somebody. Greg Norman

(On taking vitamin supplements) I take a lot of Bs and Cs...And I take bonemeal. That's for when I play like a dog. Mary Dwyer

I've had a good day when I don't fall out of the cart. Buddy Hacket

Putts get real difficult the day they hand out the money. Lee Trevino

(On the most important shot in golf) The next one. Ben Hogan

My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. Lee Trevino

Last week I made a double bogey and didn't even get mad. Now, that's bad. Jack Nicklaus

We all choke. You just try to choke last. Tom Watson

Be funny on a golf course? Do I kid my best friend's mother about her heart condition? Phil Silvers

Why am I using a new putter? Because the old one didn't float too well. Craig Stadler

The pro --- watch him next time --- is always thinking. Arnold Palmer

(After shooting an 80 in the PGA Championship) I don't know when I'm going to play again. I've had enough brain damage for August. Nick Faldo

(On his theraputic magnetic golf belt) You've just got to be careful walking past the refrigerator. Jim Colbert

08-09-2002, 04:40 AM
This isnt a saying but I read it by John T.Rhodes Jr. and it can be applied to pool tournament jitters:Check your breathing-usually you tend to breathe with short,shallow breaths-to relax your brain and muscles with proper oxygen,breathe through your nose and exhale slowly through your mouth-breathe as though you are filling your lungs from bottom to top!:)
Carol-will stay away from the BONEMEAL!LMAO

08-09-2002, 05:06 AM
"When I'm on a golf course and it starts to rain and lightning, I hold
up my one iron, 'cause I know even God can't hit a one iron." Lee Trevino. ...

Golf can best be defined as an endless series
of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.

"I wish I could play my normal game...just once."

Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot.

Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink.

"One of the reasons Arnie [Arnold Palmer] is playing so well is that, before each tee-shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them......Oh my God, what have I just said?" (USTV Commentator)

08-09-2002, 06:19 AM
This isn't a golf saying but yesterday I was watching Drew Carey's Improv All Stars and Joe Walsh was joining them. He's pretty much baked I think. Anyway, they were doing a group improv and when it was his turn he spewed forth this little gem. "It's hard to mediate when you're on amphetimines". I'm still laughing.


08-09-2002, 08:30 AM
One of my most favorite cartoons about golf was with "The Wizard Of Id". In this cartoon (Sunday paper) the King of Id was trying out his new titanium driver. The crowd at the tee was silenced by the Wizard and the King hit his drive. Or tried to, he duffed it and it only went 2 yards. The King winds up and launches the driver straight above him into the atmosphere. So that's when one of the crowd asked, "Why titanium?". The Wizard then replied, "Because it won't burn up on re-entry.".

I had a boss that once threw one of his clubs into a tree and made a new hire climb up and get it for him. When I heard about that, I photocopied the cartoon panel and taped it to his office door. I also came real close to wrapping up an old driver in tim foil and "presenting" it to him at his retirement dinner.

Barbara~~~never let him forget that one...

08-09-2002, 09:52 AM
Cinderella story here at Augusta - former greens keeper has about 250 to hole, think maybe he's got a 7 iron.


Swing hard in case you hit it. Chi Chi Rodriguez.

Let the nothingness into your swing. Shivas Irons Golf in the Kingdom.

Good players don't lose their swing they lose their alignment. Put them back in proper alignment and their swing comes back. Ken Venturi.

Arnold Palmer when asked how he made an 11 on a par five responded "I missed the putt for a 10."

Bogey is better than double bogey - Never give up. Steve C.

PERFORM THE CEREMONY - Zen in the Art of Archery.

Probabally could go on for quite a bit longer if I thought about it.

Fun post Fran.

08-09-2002, 10:15 AM
Harvey Penick, Take Dead Aim.

From Trevino during a Skins match. He had the flu and was not feeling well, weak and run down.
"Man this club feels like a wagon tongue."

08-09-2002, 10:42 AM
The best golf cartoon ever (IMO) was I believe in the strip Crock. The guy is lining up his putt in the first frame, in the second frame a friend walks up and asks "If the object of the game is to have the fewest strokes, why play at all?". In the last frame the guy is still standing over the same putt, but it's nighttime and he's muttering over and over again "why play at all, why play at all, why play at all...".


Brian in VA
08-09-2002, 01:52 PM
Here are a couple of my favorites. Great thread!

I play golf in the 80s. If it's any colder, I don't play. -Milton Berle

If you watch a sport you're a fan, if you play it you're a participant, if you work at it, you're a golfer. - Unknown but could also have played pool

Golf is the hardest game in the world. You have to play your ass off just to get by. -Kenny Puckett (Dan Jenkins character in Dead Solid Perfect)

I can't believe I pay money to do this to myself. - Brian in VA

08-09-2002, 02:37 PM
An engineer, doctor, and pastor golfing
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!

Pastor: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him. [dramatic pause] Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?

George: Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.

The group was silent for a moment.

Pastor: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.

Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?

08-09-2002, 09:03 PM
They asked "Seve" Ballestros how he four putted the 14th green at St. Andrews. He said "I missed, I missed, I missed, I made."
Buddy Hacket, the old comedian was actually playing golf at Bel Air in Beverly Hills and took his shirt off. One of the committee members lunching at the club saw him and sent him a letter saying if he took his shirt off again at the club he would be asked to tender his resignation. The following weekend Buddy left his shirt on and took off his slacks and shorts. Said he could find nothing in the Bylaws about this!

08-09-2002, 09:26 PM
"You wanna know what you are doing wrong? You are standing too close to the ball.............................after you hit it."
-A friend? after a poor shot

Sorry, not really pool related

08-09-2002, 09:27 PM
My favorite golf stories concern the Late Gov. Thomas E Dewey. I caddied at Schulyer Meadows Golf Clvb where he was an honorary member. Every caddy was in seventh heaven when Harry Truman beat the Gov for the Presidency. My first episode with the Gov. happened in 1946. I had just started caddying at age 9 shagging and carrying ladies bags. The club had their member/guest tourney and I was sitting on the hill at the first tee watching Pat McKenna, spiffy in his white Navy Bellbottoms, teeing off on their first extra hole when the Gov coming off the ninth green, yelled over to Duke Chapman, Pats opponent, hey Duke I heard you made football at Yale. Dukes father was Algier Chapman his secretary of State McKenna hooked the ball into the ninth fairway and came around on his swing facing the Gov. Why you no-good sonnaofabitch I never voted for you and I never will said McKenna. The Gov bowed his head and snuck into the club house.

The second episode with the Gov happened a couple of years later when the caddy master came down and said the gov was coming out and every caddy said I am not going to caddy for him to which the caddy master said someone will caddy for him or I will throw everyone off the course, and went back to the caddyshack.He was an honorary member and the club paid the caddy but not a tip and the Gov would leave the caddy with blank stare. One of the caddies came up with this plan to spread out over the area and when the Gov exited his limo we will start chanting 10 cent Tom, our name for the Gov because you never got a dime from him. Now when the caddy master comes running down the hill near you just stop chanting and the others will keep the chant going. He is out of his limo and the Chanting began 15 minutes later the Gov had gotten the message.####