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Gayle in MD
02-04-2010, 12:57 PM
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An elderly spinster called the lawyer's office and told the



receptionist she wanted to see the lawyer about preparing a will. The



receptionist suggested they set up a convenient time for the spinster



to come to the office. "You must understand, I've lived alone all my &gt;&gt; life, I rarely see



anyone, and I don't like to go out. Would it be possible for the



lawyer to come to my house?" the elderly woman asked.







The receptionist checked with the attorney who agreed and went to the



spinster's home to discuss her estate and the will.







The lawyer's first question was, "Would you please tell me what you



have in assets and how you'd like them to be distributed under your



will?"







"I have $40,000 in my savings account at the bank," she replied.



"Tell me just how would you like the $40,000 to be distributed?" the



lawyer asked.







"Well, as I've told you, I've lived a reclusive life, people have



hardly ever noticed me, so I'd like them to notice when I pass on,"



said the woman." I'd like to provide $35,000 for my funeral."







"Well, for $35,000 you will be able to have a funeral that will



certainly be noticed and will leave a lasting impression on anyone who



may not have taken much note of you!" the lawyer exclaimed. "I need to



know what would you like to do with the remaining $5,000?"







The spinster replied, "As you know, I've never married and the fact is



I've never slept with a man. So before I die, I'd like you to use the



$5,000 to arrange for a man to sleep with me just once."







"This is a very unusual request," the lawyer said, adding "but I'll



see what I can do to arrange it and get back to you."







That evening, the lawyer was at home telling his wife about the



eccentric spinster and her weird request. After thinking about how



much she could do around the house with $5,000 and with a bit of



coaxing, she got her husband to agree to provide the service himself.







The next morning, she drove him to the spinster's house and waited



while he went in. She waited for over an hour, but her husband didn't



come out, so she blew the car horn.







Shortly, the upstairs bedroom window opened, the lawyer stuck his head



out and yelled, "Pick me up tomorrow, she's going to let the county



bury her.."

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eg8r
02-04-2010, 01:02 PM
/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/smile.gif

eg8r

wolfdancer
02-04-2010, 01:49 PM
Mikey likes it !!!!

sack316
02-04-2010, 07:37 PM
/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/smile.gif

Sack

hondo
02-04-2010, 09:55 PM
/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/laugh.gif /forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/laugh.gif /forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/laugh.gif

Deeman3
02-05-2010, 04:39 PM
I counter with...... /forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/smile.gif



A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?" He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I canít drink coffee.Ē Have you ever been in the military service?" "Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for two years." The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."
Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?" The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles. The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day." The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am? "This is a government job," the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.

wolfdancer
02-05-2010, 04:52 PM
LOL !!!
I used to play golf every Monday, for a couple of years, with two postal employees. One guy worked in the sorting room, and was left-handed. Our golf outings ended when the new time and motion study people had decided that the mail should be sorted right-handed (true story) and "lefty" was not able to keep up with production, right-handed. AND, oddly enough....the other guy was his supervisor, who had to follow orders and enforce the new rules and regs.....those two good friends became enemies in just a few short weeks....I expected "lefty" to break a few clubs over the guy's head...but they stopped playing.