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Qtec
03-17-2010, 02:54 AM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> Texas Legislature Votes To Rewrite Bible




"The good Lord has smiled on us," said Carlton Bolton, the president and CEO of Hallelujah Press, a subsidiary of Halliburton, which received an exclusive no-bid contract to manufacture the new Bibles.


AUSTIN, Texas - (PTSD News) - Fresh from their recent success in passing laws to rewrite school history textbooks to drop discussions of FDR and unions in favor of what they called conservative intellectuals such as George W. Bush, Sarah Palin and Joe the Plumber, the Texas Legislature passed a law that all Bibles in the state must be updated.

"The Bible was obviously written by Jewish liberals from New York," said Candace Sue Burnham (R-Plano). "So it's time we Christians take our Bible back to stress true family values such as hating gays, illegal Mexicans, Muslims and especially hating illegal gay Mexican Muslims."

<span style='font-size: 17pt'>"The current version of the Bible is riddled with communist propaganda about Jesus helping the poor," said Wayne Plugg (R-San Angelo)."That's obviously hogwash because if Jesus loved those poor people so much, he would have made them rich."</span>

"Everyone knows that the gay agenda was to make sure the Bible left out all the gospels that our merciful Lord's greatest pleasure was to smite homosexuals," said Reverend Chuck Amer of the First Church of the Exploding Pentecost of Palestine, Texas. "So we're putting all that stuff back in."

The newly approved Bible, 'Bible: King James Dobson Version,' named after the founder of the popular Focus on the Family broadcasts, also adds the following passages: <span style='font-size: 17pt'>Anyone voting for Democrats must be stoned to death, global warming is Satan's favorite lie, greediness is next to godliness, people who don't speak English should be banished from the kingdom, and that slavery is not so bad if it can keep those people off the streets.

The hollowed out Bible also comes with a handgun inside. </span></div></div>

LOL

Q

Gayle in MD
03-17-2010, 03:36 AM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Qtec</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> Texas Legislature Votes To Rewrite Bible




"The good Lord has smiled on us," said Carlton Bolton, the president and CEO of Hallelujah Press, a subsidiary of Halliburton, which received an exclusive no-bid contract to manufacture the new Bibles.


AUSTIN, Texas - (PTSD News) - Fresh from their recent success in passing laws to rewrite school history textbooks to drop discussions of FDR and unions in favor of what they called conservative intellectuals such as George W. Bush, Sarah Palin and Joe the Plumber, the Texas Legislature passed a law that all Bibles in the state must be updated.

"The Bible was obviously written by Jewish liberals from New York," said Candace Sue Burnham (R-Plano). "So it's time we Christians take our Bible back to stress true family values such as hating gays, illegal Mexicans, Muslims and especially hating illegal gay Mexican Muslims."

<span style='font-size: 17pt'>"The current version of the Bible is riddled with communist propaganda about Jesus helping the poor," said Wayne Plugg (R-San Angelo)."That's obviously hogwash because if Jesus loved those poor people so much, he would have made them rich."</span>

"Everyone knows that the gay agenda was to make sure the Bible left out all the gospels that our merciful Lord's greatest pleasure was to smite homosexuals," said Reverend Chuck Amer of the First Church of the Exploding Pentecost of Palestine, Texas. "So we're putting all that stuff back in."

The newly approved Bible, 'Bible: King James Dobson Version,' named after the founder of the popular Focus on the Family broadcasts, also adds the following passages: <span style='font-size: 17pt'>Anyone voting for Democrats must be stoned to death, global warming is Satan's favorite lie, greediness is next to godliness, people who don't speak English should be banished from the kingdom, and that slavery is not so bad if it can keep those people off the streets.

The hollowed out Bible also comes with a handgun inside. </span></div></div>

LOL

Q </div></div>

LMAO! Thanks, I just spilled my coffee readling this. The sad news it that I was half way through it before I realized it was a joke. /forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/shocked.gif

wolfdancer
03-17-2010, 06:58 AM
I almost did the same thing....sitting here drinking coffee, and thinking this cain't be true, but with the caveat that it's Texas...and being closer to the Sun then the northern states...as Col. N.R. Jessup said " this ****** heat is driving me insane"

Deeman3
03-17-2010, 07:09 AM
You know, I do actually have a hollowed out bible with a gun inside. /forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/smile.gif

Never can be too careful in church these days.

wolfdancer
03-17-2010, 09:09 AM
As long as it was the King James version, it's a no harm, no foul matter, but desecrating our Douay-Rheims Version...that can get you,.... as we like to say "burn, baby, burn"

Sev
03-17-2010, 11:04 AM
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!