View Full Version : Our Daily TOTUS.

06-01-2010, 06:30 AM

<span style="color: #000000">Friday, May 28, 2010
Vacation Time
As Nobel Prize-winning Big Guy will tell you, and Nobel Prize winning Secretary of Energy Steven Chu will confirm, award-winning administrations need down time to keep their edge.

That's why the Obama Administration has a hard and fast rule we like to call the "20/20." You put in 20 hours of work a week, you deserve 20 hours of vacation time to recharge.

But there seems to be some confusion about our policy. A lot of people have been noting, for example, that today, BO stayed three hours in Louisiana to look at the oil spill, but then tomorrow will spend 5 hours on a golf course in Illinois. It doesn't add up, they say.

Well, if they'd won a Nobel Prize, they would understand that 3 hours in Louisiana dealing with a mess that was really the fault of the Bush Administration for being elected ten years ago, counts as more than 10 hours in Obama time. That, and we add an extra hour because he couldn't use me on the beach for opening remarks. And another hour because he got his hands dirty ... literally. Oil just doesn't wash off with soap and water, you know. It takes some time, and effort.

See, this if more Americans won Nobel Prizes, you'd all have a much better understanding of the way Big Guy works. And that whole deficit thing would make a lot more sense, too. </span>

06-01-2010, 08:00 AM
That would be funny if it weren't true.


06-04-2010, 04:29 AM
<span style="color: #000000">Thursday, June 3, 2010
Do I Have a Job Offer for You ...
Yes, it's true. In an effort to complicate matters for Senate Republicans last January, I did offer their Teleprompter a job in Big Guy's administration. Today, their regular Teleprompter is working with our ambassador to UNESCO in Rome. It's such a cushy job, I don't think he's had to scroll text in close to 18 months.

Look, have you seen the unemployment numbers lately? They suck. Everyone is looking for work. Now, granted, all of the people and machines who were offered jobs were already working. But you see, by taking the Administration job, we'd be opening up another job for someone else. Big Guy says this is how the free market works, or at least the one he understands.

This is really no different than how Big Guy got into politics. See, the state senator he wanted to replace died suddenly in a Chicago auto accident, and Big Guy was lucky enough to get the gig. You know, right place, right time. In fact, this happens a lot where we come from. Maybe this is just a midwestern cultural misunderstanding. </span>