View Full Version : Funny, I think!

11-17-2010, 10:06 AM
In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a US man, and posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7.. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair

around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan.

James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education

University of Virginia

PS It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian

11-17-2010, 10:10 AM
Where is the response?


11-17-2010, 12:42 PM
I didn't see one. I thout itnwas a funny take on a serious subject. You know, the Jesus thread got me to thinking that the ability to look and even laugh at yourself may be the biggest difference in faith between different views!

Sort of like one of our own here, flailing about with, "Can a man live in a whale?" /forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/smile.gif 200 times! /forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/smile.gif

Besides, it really does keep me from smiting someone! faith has kept me from doing so since about 1973. DISCLAIMER: That was not an implied or otherwise
Threatening statement.....The only thing I ever threatens now is my Pit Bull and my wife will smite me if I even spat at her. How far we have come or dropped off, according to your view. /forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/smile.gif

11-17-2010, 03:17 PM
LOL....that one has been around for some years now, and resurfaces, every so often.....and still brings a chuckle when I read it....thanks for the humor !!!

11-17-2010, 03:27 PM
Watch out or you'll be smited! /forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/smile.gif

Or maybe I will be! /forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/smile.gif