PDA

View Full Version : I'm Good And No Ones Nice Anymore - Advice Please



The Man
01-27-2011, 10:00 PM
Hey Pool Players,

I have recently gotten very good at pool. Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to brag maybe it's not even related. I get alot of hostility from people in pool halls. When I first started playing pool people would make friends with me and teach me a little. Now that I'm good I feel most don't like me. I have thought of giving up the game. Originally when I first started playing I had dreams of playing professionally. Whenever I walk into a pool hall I feel like dirt. Everywhere else people are respectful. Could you give me some advice on how get people in pool hall to like me. You know pool room etiquette or something. Social skills 101 for a pool hall. It's not like I'm a dick I am nicer than average in my opinion. If any further info is needed just ask. Thanks for the replies.

pooltchr
01-28-2011, 07:26 AM
Wow! Interesting post. And there are so many possibilities to consider. I'm sure you will get a lot of responses here.

Attitude. Has your attitude changed since your skill level increased? Perhaps, without even realizing it, you interact with other players differently. Did you move from being a humble person learning the game to a cocky player?

Image. Do the other players in the room view you as a threat? Have you started gambling? The attitude of gamblers is frequently much different from that of recreational players. Rather than seeking out people to shoot with and have fun, gamblers are often sizing up the competition.

I'm not saying any of these things apply to you, but all are things to consider. Obviously something has changed. If you feel the changes are with your relationship with many players, chances are it might be something you are doing. If the changes in relationships are just with a few people, it could be them.

Do you have a good friend in the pool room who would be completely honest with you if you had this kind of conversation with him/her? That might be a good place to start.

I hope you can figure this all out.

Steve

BCA Master Instr
01-28-2011, 07:41 AM
Well your posting title might tell a small story.

Don't watch "The Color of Money".

Good luck
randyg

Fran Crimi
01-28-2011, 08:40 AM
Can you give some examples of the kind of hostility you get in pool halls?

mstng81
01-28-2011, 02:18 PM
I'm just speculating here, but maybe when you first started playing people saw a person eager to learn and get better. They wanted to help you out. Now that you don't seem to need so much guidance they don't have as much to say. I think that's natural, most people talk about pool in a pool hall.

If you're looking for friends, try finding opportunities to have a conversation about anything other than pool. If you're commenting on what you would have done with a shot or telling someone how to shoot you come off as arrogant. Stay humble, keep asking questions from the people you learned from that seem to have shunned you. Stroke their egos a bit. You may think you've learned all you can from them but that's probably not the case.

The Man
01-28-2011, 10:58 PM
Well yes some of the coldness comes from some of the people that were nicer early on who helped me learn to play. They just don't seem invested in a friendship much anymore. Just a hello and nothing else really said.

One day I was sitting watching a pro play in a tournament and somebody I didn't know but was often in the pool hall said "You will never play like them. They are different, they rise above the rest". I never told anyone that I wanted to play like a pro or bragged to anyone. Even though early on as a young adult I dreamed of becoming one.

More over the rudeness is from people I don't know. Hard stares from another person at a nearby pool table.

One time a guy came over and asked me if I wanted to play for fun I said "No, I'm just practicing but I appreciate the offer." He came back and was pissed because I didn't want to play. And he went to someone else's table and was bringing them into the argument making me look bad to them.

I must say I don't extend myself to becoming friends with most people and keep to myself mostly. I learned the hard way in life to choose your friends carefully. Well maybe thats part of my image problem as stated above I dunno.

Fran Crimi
01-29-2011, 08:09 AM
There's a whole social culture associated with hanging out in a pool room. First, as you have probably already figured out, every pool room has it's characters. Their personalities are erratic at best --- and some usually approach the new people and try to "help" them. For whatever reasons, it satisfies them and makes them feel important in the room. It's not unusual for them to ignore you after awhile, when you've more or less outlived your usefulness to their egos.

As for someone giving you hard looks, I wouldn't judge that person too quickly. They may just be squinting because they can't see that far without their glasses. Who knows? There could be a hundred reasons for the look.

As for the guy you said no to when he asked you to play for fun, why not go out of your comfort zone and say yes? You will have plenty of opportunites to practice alone. Then see how it goes. If he suddenly wants to change the game to a money game, then you know the type of person he is and you can feel certain that he doesn't give one iota about you, nor should you about him. But he may turn out to be a good guy who might have felt a bit put off by your refusal.

If you become a regular in any pool room, you can't get away from the fact that you are in a social environment and you are going to be watched. Basic politeness and a smile when you walk in the door will go a long way with the other regulars.

As for the guy wo said you'll never play like that pro, I'd guess that he was talking about himself without consciously realizing it, and directing it at you. Misery loves company.

Good idea for you to choose your friends wisely like you wrote, but it doesn't hurt to be a little friendly to the other regulars. You may find yourself pleasantly surprised.

Bambu
01-29-2011, 09:42 AM
Usually when people dont like you, its for a reason. Make some new friends at a different pool room, and see how that goes. Nobody will hate you just because you can play. In fact, some players might be drawn to you. If they hate you just as much as they did in your old room, look within yourself. If they like you, I would chalk the problem up to a bunch of jerks who happen to hang out at room 1.

bataisbest
01-29-2011, 07:26 PM
Most likely, they are jealous of the fact that you have improved more than they have even though you were not as good as them in the beginning. It's a classic example of " putting in work". If you take instruction and criticism constructively and get better from it, while others shrug it off, then you are to be commended not loathed. You can't make people like you but if your demeanor hasn't changed since you've gotten better then it is on those that are being "haters". Move forward and congratulations for improving!

JoeW
01-30-2011, 07:35 AM
Here are a couple of ideas that might work for you. Always give more than you take. Offer to help others, appreciate their good qualities. Take less than your share of the reward and more than your share of the blame.

I had a friend who was having trouble making friends at work. I suggested that everyday he walk into work with a smile. Give everyone a smile, even people you do not know. It is amazing how people respond and reciprocate. My friend did not know that he always had this sour look about him and that it turned people away. When he started to smile others responded and his work environment changed dramatically.

Look for places where you can help others. Show appreciation for others’ efforts and ask them how they did that. I think you will find that things change when you are approachable.

Fran Crimi
01-30-2011, 10:41 AM
Tap tap tap

Sid_Vicious
01-30-2011, 02:28 PM
This post reminds me of a post made here more than a decade ago by a player called BradS. I wish the archives went that far back. BradS never followed up on his original, lengthy post made in the wee hours of the morning...I assume he dropped out of pool by the way he was talking.

Me?, I'd play the unfriendlies for some cash, give a good spot, and maybe lose a token amount at times. If that don't work...find a new set of friends at another PH. Many pool players are inherintely querky by nature, many are just plain nonsense and not worth the trouble and time. Jm2c sid

bradb
02-01-2011, 07:14 PM
Like many of us experienced players who have progressed to the A level of play we have learned to be friendly and humble to lesser players. You will have more friends that way

But most of the time I only play people who are equal or better than myself, thats the best to keep improving and stay on top of your game.

So lighten up on the average players when you play them, but find some competition pool from serious players. There's plenty of top players around, thats the only way you will really know how good you are. Brad B

The Man
02-01-2011, 08:42 PM
Yes I have been reading the posts guys and I do appreciate everyones kind input. I will take it all into consideration in future interactions at pool halls. Even though I have not replied to everyone that answered.

Sometimes these days I have a hard time being as outgoing and friendly as I was when I was younger. Like some people will see your kindness as a weakness.

But your posts made me reevaluate my attitude. I don't think that I will quit pool. I love it and have been playing for more then twenty years.

Thank you all.

Deeman3
02-02-2011, 05:24 PM
The Man. I think you'll be fine but a lot of life is about attitude.

One of my favorite stories is about a stranger who goes up to an old-timer and says, "I'm looking for a nice place to settle down and was wondering what the folks here are like." The old timers said, "Well, what were the folks like the last place you lived?" The stranger said, "Just like all the rest ofmthe places I have lived, the people were petty, selfish and unfriendly!" The old timer said, "Well, I think you'll find the folks here the same way."

only very small percentage of people will treat you worse than you treat them, most will be as honest and forthcoming as you are and 99 percent of them will live up to YOUR expectations!

I think God or whomever put us here did so that we would, on the whole, make other's lives more full rewarding which is really the only way to enrich our own.

I wish you well and hope you can look at most folks less as suspectsnand more as opportunities to enrich your life experience.

I am DeeMan, not Oprah so I sometimes fall short of what I am suggesting but always keep trying. All the beat.

Sev
02-02-2011, 09:51 PM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: The Man</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Yes I have been reading the posts guys and I do appreciate everyones kind input. I will take it all into consideration in future interactions at pool halls. Even though I have not replied to everyone that answered.

Sometimes these days I have a hard time being as outgoing and friendly as I was when I was younger. Like some people will see your kindness as a weakness.

But your posts made me reevaluate my attitude. I don't think that I will quit pool. I love it and have been playing for more then twenty years.

Thank you all. </div></div>

Keep playing.
Always smile.
Be nice to people.
Be courteous.
Hold the door for people.
Somebody introduces themself stick your hand out and give a firm handshake and say pleased to meet you.
Ask them how they are doing.
Dont brag.
Be helpful.

If you do all these things and there is still a problem screw em.

The Man
02-03-2011, 12:30 AM
Hey thanks guys. That makes alot of sense and puts things into clearer focus.