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View Full Version : THE RAPTURE HAS BEEN CANCELLED!



LWW
05-22-2011, 06:44 AM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><u><span style='font-size: 14pt'>AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM THE OFFICE OF THE DEPARTMENT OF THE COMMISSAR OF TIME</span></u>


Comrades, as you may be aware, the thought criminal Harold Camping has predicted that on 6pm, local time the Christian Rapture will occur, and set off a series of events that will eventually lead to the destruction of the world. The Rapture(TM) will be foreshadowed by global earthquakes, the rising of the <s>necro voters</s> dead, and the elect few Saved(TM) ascending to heaven. Then for the next five months, the earth will suffer tribulations, and on October 21st, 2011 will be destroyed by fire, and all remaining people cast into Hell.

Now as good socialist atheists we have reason to be concerned about this on many levels. For one thing, it is clear that the opiate of the masses is still widely consumed; however as has been shown before, religion can be bent to serve the needs of the State. So we will ignore this whole "religion" thing for now. <span style='font-size: 11pt'>The more pressing concern is all the formerly democratic voters who have been happily buried in Chicago cemeteries will be out wandering the streets again. It is important that we immediately reach out to these comrades, and properly register them to vote the straight democratic ticket.</span>

T<span style='font-size: 11pt'>his "Rapture" is discriminatory, as it does not include followers of the Religion of Peace(TM), and even singles them out for punishment in the hell of another religion. We must be prepared to clearly and loudly denounce the Rapture when it occurs, and seek legal injunction against it in all jurisdictions. Meanwhile, it is pretty clear that the impending destruction of the earth is pretty bad for the environment.</span> I am certain Green Peace will be out in force protesting the destruction of the earth by fire. Just think of all the greenhouse gases alone that will be released by this action.

<span style='font-size: 14pt'>In fact, I'm pretty sure we can all agree this Rapture and impending destruction of the earth is pretty bad business for the Party as a whole. Thusly for the time being, until the proper injunctions can be filed in friendly jurisdictions to prevent the Rapture, I am declaring all days henceforth to be Friday, May 20th 2011 until this whole mess is sorted out.</span> Hail Obama! </div></div>

OH MY! (http://thepeoplescube.com/peoples-blog/there-will-be-no-rapture-t7260.html)