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10-01-2002, 11:06 AM
A young man surprised his beautiful blonde wife with a new cell phone
in celebration of their first anniversary.

She listened excitedly as he explained to her all the features of her
new phone.

The next day the blonde went shopping. As she was shopping, her
cell phone began to ring. Her husband was calling her.

Hi honey", he said. "How do you like your new " phone?"
She replied: "I just love it. It's so cute and tiny, and your voice is
clear as a bell; but there's one thing I don't understand".

"What's that?", asked the husband.

The pretty blonde responded, "How did you know I was at Wal-Mart"?

10-01-2002, 11:39 AM
A very large, old, building was being torn
down in Chicago to make room for a new
skyscraper. Due to its proximity to other
buildings it could not be imploded and had
to be dismantled floor by floor.

While working on the 49th floor, two
construction workers found a skeleton
in a small closet behind the elevator
shaft. They decided that they should
call the police. When the police arrived
they directed them to the closet and
showed them the skeleton fully clothed
and standing upright. They said, "This
could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really
important."

Two days went by and the construction
workers couldn't stand it any more,
they had to know who they had found.
They called the police and said, "We
are the two guys who found the skeleton
in the closet and we want to know if it
was Jimmy Hoffa or somebody important."

The police said, "It's not Jimmy Hoffa,
but it was somebody kind of important."

"Well, who was it?"

"The 1956 Blonde National Hide-and-Seek Champion."

bluewolf
10-02-2002, 04:16 AM
I heard blonds will be extinct in 200 years.Dont know if they meant blond kids or blond adults. Seems like I am seeing more reds than i did as a kid. 'only clairol knows for sure'

bw

Doctor_D
10-02-2002, 06:23 AM
Have you heard the one about the Blonde who took a ruler to bed with her? She wanted to measure how long she slept!

/ccboard/images/icons/laugh.gif

Dr. D.

SpiderMan
10-02-2002, 07:57 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote: Doctor_D:</font><hr> Have you heard the one about the Blonde who took a ruler to bed with her? /ccboard/images/icons/laugh.gif

Dr. D.
<hr></blockquote>

Sure did, that was Gennifer Flowers, wasn't it?

SpiderMan

SPetty
10-02-2002, 10:18 AM
On the first day of their Honeymoon, the very naive blond virgin bride slipped into a sexy but sweet nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new Christian husband had settled down on the couch.

When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "Because it's Lent."

Almost in tears, she remarked, "So who did you lend it to, and for how long?"

Rich R.
10-02-2002, 10:21 AM
What about the Blonde that had labels on the top of her shoes that said, "Toes In First".
Rich R.

10-02-2002, 10:34 AM
What is the difference between government bonds and men?
Government bonds mature.

SPetty
10-02-2002, 10:40 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote: Rich R.:</font><hr> What about the Blonde that had labels on the top of her shoes that said, "Toes In First".<hr></blockquote>Or T.G.I.F on her shirt - "Tits Go In Front"

nAz
10-02-2002, 10:47 AM
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

10-02-2002, 10:53 AM
If cucumbers could take out the trash we wouldn't need men anyway.

10-02-2002, 11:13 AM
Why are most dumb blond jokes one-liners?

Easier for men to understand.

TomBrooklyn
10-02-2002, 11:29 AM
A blonde and a brunette were intently watching dramatic footage of the police trying to talk down a suicidal bridge jumper on the Eleven O’Clock News. The brunette predicted that the person would jump and proposed a ten dollar wager to that effect which her fairer haired counterpart readily accepted.

Sure enough the man jumped and the blonde prepared to pay up. The brunette then guiltily admitted that she couldn’t take the money as she had seen the Six O’Clock News and knew the person would jump.

“That’s OK”, declared the flaxen bombshell, “I saw the Six O’Clock News also. I just didn’t think he would jump twice.”

Pizza Bob
10-02-2002, 12:09 PM
All right, I may as well jump into the fray - one dumb, one smart and another dumb one...here you go:

PUZZLE
A Blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The Blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread on the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're
not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.
Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a glass of wine, then put all these Frosted Flakes back into the box.

ROLLS
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $125,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a
multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blond replies....."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two
weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

PAINTER
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?" The blonde, after looking about, responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should; she was standing on it. Do you think she's dumb?" "No. I guess I'm guilty of being influenced by all the 'dumb blonde' joke e-mails we've been receiving."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" the husband asked. "Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her. "And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

That's all folks....

Adios,

Pizza Bob

jjinfla
10-02-2002, 12:15 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote: Anonymous:</font><hr>
The pretty blonde responded, "How did you know I was at Wal-Mart"?
<hr></blockquote>

I don't get it. Jake

SpiderMan
10-02-2002, 12:17 PM
Cucumbers? Guess the vibrators chip your crowns?

SpiderMan

SpiderMan
10-02-2002, 12:20 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote: bluewolf:</font><hr> I heard blonds will be extinct in 200 years.Dont know if they meant blond kids or blond adults. bw <hr></blockquote>

Hmmm ....

10-02-2002, 12:39 PM
How many men does it take to make popcorn?
Four, one to hold the pot, and three to act macho and shake the stove

Doctor_D
10-02-2002, 12:39 PM
Try these on for size !!!


....she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.


....she thought a quarterback was a refund.


....she tried to put M&amp;M's in alphabetical order.


....she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.


....she thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools.


....she thought General Motors was in the army.


....she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.


....she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.


....under "education" on her job application, she put
"Hooked On Phonics."



She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:


....she tripped over a cordless phone


....she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can
because it said "concentrate."


....she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK"
and "DON'T WALK."


....at the bottom of the application where it says "sign
here," she put Sagittarius."


....she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.




She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:


....she studied for a blood test.


....she thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train."


....she sold the car for gas money!


....when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.


....when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said
"Airport Left,"


She turned around and went home.


She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:


....when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the
home, she moved.


....she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.


....if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.


....she thought that she could not use her AM radio
in the evening.

billy bob
10-02-2002, 12:40 PM
ok here is a blondie joke ya'll, i liked it hope you will to. it sure is takes a while to type can't find those keys very fast. i am blond to so it don't matter. your friend billy bob



The Blonde House Painter...

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of
All these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she
Decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a
couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she
gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint.

He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.

He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.

He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes.

He asks what she is doing.

She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all
blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat.

She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said...




........This cracks me up .......



FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

10-02-2002, 03:06 PM
Question:
Why did God make dumb blonde jokes?
Answer:
So brunettes would have something to do on Friday night.

(Drumroll please.) That's all folks!

10-02-2002, 03:12 PM
Okay, one more.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all go to this nightclub that reputably has a magic mirror. If you tell the mirror an opinion and it's true, the mirror grants you a wish. If you lie to the mirror, it sucks you into a black hole.
The brunette goes in, and says, "I think I'm the prettiest brunette in this club tonight". She gets her wish.
The redhead goes in and says, "I think I'm the prettiest redhead in this club tonight". She gets her wish.
The blonde goes in and says "I think..." The rest of her sentence was inaudible due to the loud sucking sound......

billy bob
10-02-2002, 07:54 PM
i sure didn't know he made them jokes, he must have a darn good memory

PQQLK9
10-03-2002, 03:39 PM
"A New Jersey couple were hunting in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
"The other hunter whips out her cell phone and calls the emergency services. She gasps to the operator: 'My friend is dead! What can I do?'
"The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: 'Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.'
"There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The blondes voice comes back on the line. She says: 'OK, now what?'"