View Full Version : JOKE OF THE DAY (Reason to laugh)

05-16-2012, 04:36 AM
Snooker Ball Diet

A man walks into a doctor's office and says, "Doc, I got a problem. My stomach is killing me"!

"The doctor says, "Well, let's start with your diet. What kind of food do you eat"?

Man says, "I eat snooker balls." "Snooker Balls?" the Doc asks "What do you mean you eat snooker balls"?

The man replies, "I eat the red ones for breakfast. I eat the white and black ones for lunch. I eat the blue and yellow ones for dinner".

The doctor ponders this and nods his head saying, "Mmm-hmm, yes, I see. Well I think I know what your problem is".

The man says, "Really"?

"Yep" says the doctor, "Not enough greens"!

05-16-2012, 06:47 AM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">TEXAN MIDGET There was a midget down in Texas who complained to his buddy that his cajones (testicles) ached almost all the time. As he was always complaining about his problem, his friend finally suggested that he go to the doctor see what he could be done to relieve the problem. The midget took his advice and went to the doctor told him what the problem was. The doctor told him to drop his pants he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants the doctor put him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doc put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough-the usual method to check for hernia. "Aha!" mumbled the doc and putting his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. "Ahhha!" said the doctor and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip, snip,snip, snip, snip, snip on the right side then snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip on the left side. The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The Doctor then told the midget to pull up his pants see if they still ached. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around the doc's office and discovered his testicles were no longer aching. "Gee, what did you do Doc?" he asked. The doc replied, "I cut two inches off the tops of your cowboy boots

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/cowboyjokes/texanmidgetjoke.html



06-07-2012, 12:46 AM
Ozzie came home from school with a black eye and cut lips. His mother sighed deeply, “Oh, Ozzie, you’ve been in another fight.”
“But, Mom,” sniffled Ozzie, “I was just keeping a little boy from being beaten up by a bigger boy.”
‘Well,” said Mom, “that was brave. Who was the little boy?”
“Me, Mommy.”

06-11-2012, 07:42 AM
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.

The Russians used a pencil.

06-11-2012, 10:06 AM
$12 billion for that pen would be a joke, either as in, not true, or if true, a joke! Really? /forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/confused.gif


Sorry to be fact-checking a joke, but...

This is a thousand-fold exaggeration of the first false rumor, which said it was $12 MILLION.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Summary of the eRumor
The message says that the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration spent ten years and $12 million developing a pen that writes in zero gravity for use by astronauts. The pen will write upside down, underwater, on almost any surface and is functional at extremely hot and cold temperatures. The Russians, however, filled the need for a space writing instrument by simply using pencils.

* The Truth

For some people, it's sport to point out government waste and bureaucratic stupidity, but this story about the space pen won't provide ammunition for it. The government did not fund the development of the pen, it did not cost $12 million to perfect, and neither the Americans nor the Russians consider it desirable to use pencils in space. In fact, both Americans and Russians use the space pen for their flights.

The famous space pen, which is still a popular product today, was developed by Paul Fisher the founder of the Fisher pen company. An engineer who improved ball point technology, he created his "bullet pen" in the 1940's, which became one of the best-selling pens of the Twentieth Century. Later, he perfected a pen that was sealed with pressure inside of the cartridge that made the ink to flow regardless of gravity. It also worked in high and low temperature extremes, underwater, and wrote on many kinds of surfaces. According to the Fisher Pen company, after extensive testing, NASA chose the pen in 1967 for use by Apollo astronauts and it's been a part of space travel ever since. The company says it took Fisher about 2 years and $2 million to develop the space pen. Prior to 1967, there were no pens that worked in space so there were pencils used, but there were concerns about pencil dust floating around the space capsules as well as fears that if the tip of a pencil broke off and drifted into the electronics, there would be problems. </div></div>