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View Full Version : ANOTHER slam on MD?? The 'IIII' state?



Soflasnapper
06-10-2012, 12:49 PM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><span style='font-size: 14pt'>I I I I I I I I I I</span> (headline)

On Bill Maher's program the other day, John Waters said that gay marriage is only the beginning: The next battle will be to allow chronic masturbators to marry themselves.

Naturally, this proposal came from one of Baltimore's most famous sons. Maryland is home to the most self-absorbed people in America. There should be a sign as you enter the state: "Welcome to Maryland. It's all about Me, so STFU."

It is one of the ironies of history that the NSA makes its home in this state. Presumably, you can't work for the NSA unless you have at least some interest in what other people are saying.

Los Angeles may have a reputation for narcissism, but don't believe what you hear. Most people in that city feel that they have no right to exist unless they've directed a film that made a billion dollars. Life there is humbling.

As some of you may know, L.A. has experienced a few earthquakes. There is a post-earthquake tradition of neighbors meeting up in the streets to trade "What it was like in my house" stories. The rules are simple: You listen politely to your neighbors' tales of falling bookcases and flying crockery, you offer occasional comments and questions -- and then your neighbors listen politely as you tell your story. In California, this is our most cherished ritual.

The rite differs on the east coast. Last year, Marylanders had a rare earthquake -- notable not so much for its strength as for the unnerving fact that it happened in a place where the building code is Whatever, Dude. After the temblor, I walked outside to participate in the traditional ceremony.

Sure enough, an elderly lady in the neighborhood told me all about the situation in her home. I listened; I nodded; I asked questions. Then came my turn...

"Well, where we live..."

She turned right around and walked back indoors. Not even a muttered goodbye.

The same scenario played out several times that day.

In Baltimore, nearly every conversation works like that. No matter what the topic, these solipsists will find some way to turn the dialogue into A Discourse on Me Me Me.

If you insist on saying anything -- anything at all, however concise, however striking -- Marylanders will tune you out. Instantly. The eyes go unfocused, the gaze drifts. They cannot feign interest for even a few seconds, the way people do in other parts of the country.

Marylanders will react in this fashion even if -- especially if -- you have met lots of interesting people and done lots of interesting things. Each Marylander thinks that his or her tiny, tiny little life is the Greatest Story Ever Told, and how dare you pretend that other narratives have value.

When Ray Bradbury died, I told you fine people about the times I met him. Baltimorons would never stand for that. Some of the more literary-minded people in this town might be willing to talk about their own reactions to Bradbury's writings. But if you were to tell a Marylander: "Well, you know, I met the guy and..." Boom. End of conversation.

Trust me on this: When John Waters of Baltimore proposed that people should be free to marry themselves, he wasn't kidding. It'll happen one day. In Maryland. </div></div>

Just one man's opinion, of course. Even if he IS Joe Cannon, (http://www.cannonfire.blogspot.com/) a professional curmudgeon. I say that with respect, and I do not think he'd object to that characterization.

Sev
06-10-2012, 02:39 PM
OMG!!!
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!

Soflasnapper
06-10-2012, 04:43 PM
I thought you might appreciate the piece! G possibly not so much.

I wonder if it's true or not? G?

Gayle in MD
06-11-2012, 08:25 AM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Soflasnapper</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I thought you might appreciate the piece! G possibly not so much.

I wonder if it's true or not? G? </div></div>

How dare you attack my beautiful, American history laden, progressive state of amazing natural resources, patriotism and pride!

Such an unfair slanderous attack on my state will NOT be forgotten!

Additionally, I can assure you, it's all about ME!

/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/grin.gif /forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/wink.gif

Gayle in MD
06-11-2012, 08:33 AM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Sev</div><div class="ubbcode-body">OMG!!!
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!! </div></div>

Hmmmmm...so read the song, and see what we call northerners here in Maryland, while we refuse to be southerners, as well!



<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Maryland My Maryland
Written by James Ryder Randall

The despot's heel is on thy shore,
Maryland, My Maryland!
His torch is at thy temple door,
Maryland, My Maryland!
Avenge the patriotic gore
That flecked the streets of Baltimore,
And be the battle queen of yore,
Maryland! My Maryland!


Hark to an exiled son's appeal,
Maryland, My Maryland!
My Mother State! to thee I kneel,
Maryland, My Maryland!
For life and death, for woe and weal,
Thy peerless chivalry reveal,
And gird they beauteous limbs with steel,
Maryland! My Maryland!

Thou wilt not cower in the dust,
Maryland, My Maryland!
Thy beaming sword shall never rust,
Maryland, My Maryland!
Remember Carroll's sacred trust,
Remember Howard's warlike thrust,-
And all they slumberers with the just,
Maryland! My Maryland!

Come! 'tis the red dawn of the day,
Maryland, My Maryland!
Come with thy panoplied array,
Maryland, My Maryland!
With Ringgold's spirit for the fray,
With Watson's blood at Monterey,
With fearless Lowe and dashing May,
Maryland! My Maryland!

Come! for thy shield is bright and strong,
Maryland, My Maryland!
Come! for thy dalliance does thee wrong,
Maryland, My Maryland!
Come! to thine own heroic throng,
Stalking with Liberty along,
And cgive a new Key to thy song,
Maryland! My Maryland!

Dear Mother! burst the tyrant's chain,
Maryland, My Maryland!
Virginia should not call in vain!
Maryland, My Maryland!
She meets her sisters on the plain-
"Sic semper!" 'tis the proud refrain
That baffles minions back amain,
Maryland! My Maryland!

I see the blush upon thy cheek,
Maryland, My Maryland!
For thou wast ever bravely meek,
Maryland, My Maryland!
But lo! There surges forth a shriek
From hill to hill, from creek to creek-
Potomac calls to Chesapeake,
Maryland! My Maryland!

Thou wilt not yield the vandal toll,
Maryland, My Maryland!
Thou wilt not crook to his control,
Maryland, My Maryland!
Better the fire upon thee roll,
Better the blade, the shot, the bowl,
Than crucifixion of the soul,
Maryland! My Maryland!

I hear the distant thunder-hum,
Maryland, My Maryland!
The Old Line's bugle, fife, and drum,
Maryland, My Maryland!
She is not dead, nor deaf, nor dumb-
<span style='font-size: 20pt'>Huzza! she spurns the Northern scum!</span>
She breathes! she burns! she'll come! she'll come!

<span style="color: #990000">(The previous line is obviously about Maryland women's sex lives) </span> /forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/whistle.gif

Maryland! My Maryland!
/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/wink.gif

</div></div>

Sev
06-11-2012, 08:48 AM
HAHAHHAHAHA!!!

Sev
06-11-2012, 08:49 AM
Indeed!! /forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/grin.gif

Soflasnapper
06-11-2012, 09:34 AM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Gayle in MD</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Soflasnapper</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I thought you might appreciate the piece! G possibly not so much.

I wonder if it's true or not? G? </div></div>

How dare you attack my beautiful, American history laden, progressive state of amazing natural resources, patriotism and pride!

Such an unfair slanderous attack on my state will NOT be forgotten!

Additionally, I can assure you, it's all about ME!

/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/grin.gif /forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/wink.gif </div></div>

Nicely played, madame!

/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/grin.gif

Gayle in MD
06-11-2012, 02:36 PM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Soflasnapper</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Gayle in MD</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Soflasnapper</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I thought you might appreciate the piece! G possibly not so much.

I wonder if it's true or not? G? </div></div>

How dare you attack my beautiful, American history laden, progressive state of amazing natural resources, patriotism and pride!

Such an unfair slanderous attack on my state will NOT be forgotten!

Additionally, I can assure you, it's all about ME!

/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/grin.gif /forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/wink.gif </div></div>

Nicely played, madame!

/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/grin.gif </div></div>

Thanks, glad you enjoyed it. /forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/smile.gif