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rackmup
10-03-2002, 09:09 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote: AccuVac-Stats Videos Press Release:</font><hr>http://www.thebilliardstour.com/images/mathews.gif <font color=red>AND</font color=red> http://www.aip.org/avsimages/sm_accuvac.gif

"There's a new Video Team in town..."

<font color=red>PRESENTS...</font color=red>

<font color=red>Grady Mathews and AccuVac-Stats Video Productions, in cooperation with Hoover Vacuums, "The Vacuum of the Pro's" and Martha Stewart/Rackmup Billiards Inc.:</font color=red>

The only way to watch Professional Maintenance People at work!

AccuVac-Stats Video Productions offers the best in Professional Vacuuming Videos. Uncut!!! In their entirety, with Professional Janitors commentating on their fellow peers!!! We offer Carpet Cleaning, Floor waxing, Baseboard Maintenance, Grout Restoration, &amp; A/C Vent Mold Removal matches. We also offer instructional videos by Buddy "The SuckerVac" Mall, Grady "The Obsessor" Mathews, Bill "Blind Wiper" Incardino, Mike "The Preacher" Messy and Pat "I don't need you" Fleming. In addition to videos, we have a collection of books (instructional and biographical) that are essential to the avid Janitorial and Maintenance fan. Browse through our site to see more!! <a target="_blank" href=http://www.mopthemfloors.com>www.mopthemfloors.com</a>

<font color=green>This Month's FEATURED MATCH!</font color=green>

http://www.janitationdepot.com/pictures/SK/SM/892411_sk_sm.jpg VS. http://www.janitationdepot.com/pictures/SK/SM/268587_sk_sm.jpg
Standing to the left in her typical all-black outfit, The "Black Widow" is built for any indoor or outdoor, wet or dry cleaning job, the Quiet Kleen™ Shop Boss® features 5.0 peak horsepower, 13-gallon capacity and a built-in sound reduction system. Vacuum converts into a powerful blower, and the on-board storage is provided for the hose and accessories.

Her competitor, in shiny silver, boasts 14.4 volts of cleaning power, this handheld vacuum features huge suction power and a washable dust cup so there's no need to buy more bags. It includes a storage/charging stand, deluxe brush, floor brush, crevice tool and three extension tubes. Weighs less than three pounds. Manufacturer's limited one-year warranty.

Who will win this "Battle of the Titans"? You can savor the video for yourself for only <font color=red>$29.99</font color=red>! Watch it over and over again, in the privacy of your home or office and watch as your vacuuming skills dramatically improve as you utilize the "tips from the Pro's"!

ENDORSEMENTS:

http://images.foodtv.com/foodtv/images/tvshows/show_header_ms_top.gif

"Ive used the AccuVac-Stats videos for months now and I have to say...It's a GOOD THING! My floors have never been cleaner!"

Martha "The Velveteen Widow" Stewart

<font color=purple>Available for a limited time, with the purchase of each AccuVac video, AccuVac-Stats will send you a free "Save Martha" hat</font color=purple>.
http://www.savemartha.com/retrobeachhat.jpg<font color=purple>You'll look stunning as you wipe down those dusty mini-blinds or lay that last coat of floor wax. $3.00 from the sale of every AccuVac-Stats video will be donated to the "SAVE MARTHA" Defense Fund.</font color=purple><hr></blockquote>

Cueless Joey
10-03-2002, 01:13 PM
Ahahahahahahaha!!!
Classic. Another Classic gem by Ken.

Brian in VA
10-03-2002, 01:21 PM
Ken,
LOL! So how long were you a comedy writer on Saturday Night Live? (My office mates are asking what I'm howling about.)

Wally_in_Cincy
10-03-2002, 01:25 PM
Nice work Ken.


http://cagle.slate.msn.com/news/MarthaStewart/martha020705/catalino.gif

PoolFan
10-03-2002, 02:38 PM
This is what I call, "Quality Ripping". That was very ingenious and hilarious.

This puts all the bickering and whining into perspective.

Absolutely a PHENOMENAL job and very well appreciated by me.

rackmup
10-03-2002, 10:10 PM
Thank you, one and all.

Regards,

Ken (smiling a little myself)

bluewolf
10-03-2002, 10:27 PM
Ken,

this is undoudebly a nice piece of humorous literature.

Not taking away from your well developed sense of humor and I really do hate to be a party pooper, but Ii have to be honest.

Jokes that poke fun at a person who is already down and out and having a very difficult time,leave me feeling sad.

hope all here have a nice weekend while i am at pool school...

bw

10-03-2002, 10:28 PM
Ken, you're downright, GD funny; you ought to be writing for National Lampoon. I gotta love a guy who makes me laugh like you did. And to think I almost passed up this post. You get the award for best poster, period.

/ccboard/images/icons/laugh.gif/ccboard/images/icons/laugh.gif/ccboard/images/icons/laugh.gif/ccboard/images/icons/laugh.gif/ccboard/images/icons/laugh.gif/ccboard/images/icons/laugh.gif/ccboard/images/icons/laugh.gif/ccboard/images/icons/laugh.gif

... and still laughing ...

Bob

rackmup
10-04-2002, 08:13 AM
Bluewolf,

Might I make a statement, then a suggestion:

Statement:

In regards to your comment...<blockquote><font class="small">Quote: Bluewolf:</font><hr>Jokes that poke fun at a person who is already down and out...<hr></blockquote>

Neither Martha or Grady are "down and out". Martha got caught with her "hand in the cookie jar" and Grady just thought there were cookies to be had when in fact, there were none for him. Martha is a white-collar offender while Grady is just plain MAD.

<blockquote><font class="small">Quote: Bluewolf:</font><hr>...and out and having a very difficult time<hr></blockquote>

I've reviewed Grady's posts and in none of them, does he indicate he is "having a difficult time". He hints at the need to provide for his family, needing a good paying job, etc. and I'm sorry to say, if this one commentating gig was the "make all or break all" job for him and his family, he was in deep trouble long before learning he didn't have a seat in the booth at the US Open.

Suggestion:

I'm assuming from your previous posts that the "Wolf Den" has been through some difficult times recently. I too, have been through the ringer over the past few months but refuse to let those obstacles keep me from enjoying my short time on this planet.

Humor is a wonderful medicine for those things that ail you. If one cannot smile in the face of change, adversity and other "life challenges", that person will lead a miserable life.

You are basing your feelings on what you feel when teased or "poked fun" at and not on first-hand knowledge of how Grady or Martha would respond to a little "tongue-in-cheek" humor. Let me assure you...Martha doesn't care (she has bigger "fish in lemon sauce adorned with radish rosettes" to fry) and if Grady is offended, I will apologize to him upon him telling me so.

Learn to live each day as though it's your last. Smile every chance you can and laugh even more often. Look for the positive in life and feed off it rather than being defeated by the negative.

Regards,

Ken

Chris Cass
10-04-2002, 08:36 AM
Ken, you always seem to make me smile. You have a talent my friend. I wish you could do something with it professionally. I felt bad about the things you've had to go through these last few mths. You bounce right back up and drive on. Your truely amazing.

If there's anything I can ever do for you Ken? Just let me know.

Your friend,

C.C.

10-04-2002, 11:08 AM
Ken, you are a wise man, and a damned funny one to boot. I wish I could write as effortlessly and as cleverly as you. All the best and long life.

Yours,
Bob

10-04-2002, 05:01 PM
Hear, Hear Ken!
Does no one appreciate the distinction between comedy and outright nastiness anymore?

bluewolf
10-04-2002, 06:48 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote: rackmup:</font><hr>

Bluewolf,
I'm assuming from your previous posts that the "Wolf Den" has been through some difficult times recently. I too, have been through the ringer over the past few months but refuse to let those obstacles keep me from enjoying my short time on this planet.

Humor is a wonderful medicine for those things that ail you. If one cannot smile in the face of change, adversity and other "life challenges", that person will lead a miserable life.

Learn to live each day as though it's your last. Smile every chance you can and laugh even more often. Look for the positive in life and feed off it rather than being defeated by the negative.

Regards,

Ken
<hr></blockquote>

ken,

i know things have been tough recently and am glad you are doing well. ww and i are actually doing well too,just kind of broke, .i am pretty happy with my life right now cept for the money part,which is temporary.

btw, dont know martha or anything about her.

have fun this weekend

bw

rackmup
10-05-2002, 12:06 AM
Apparently...No.

Regards,

Ken (knows Lorri understands him)

OnePocketChamp
10-05-2002, 07:52 AM
This last post by Rackmup is undoubtedly one of his best efforts at comic relief and proves a unmistakable fact - no one from Billiards Digest reads the posts that their fine magazines provides the outlet for. Because, if they did then he would now be a column writer for this magazine. I read billiard related magazines to keep up with the people, places and equipment in a sport that I truly love but sometimes it is refreshing to find a quality piece of humor among those pages. WAKE UP EDITORS, HERE IS A RAW TALENT THAT WOULD SERVE YOUR PAGES WELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10-05-2002, 11:06 AM
Ken...

How do you put photos on your posts???

Uncle Ron in SC

SPetty
10-05-2002, 05:31 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote: Anonymous:</font><hr> How do you put photos on your posts???<hr></blockquote>Hi Uncle Ron,

I'm not Ken, but I'd recommend that you just scroll on down to the bottom of this page and click on the link called "FAQ" which stands for "Frequently Asked Questions". That'll answer this question, plus a lot more!

Tom_In_Cincy
10-05-2002, 07:09 PM
the format for getting images into your posts is easy

if you see an image that is on the internet.. and from a website that allows access, (if it doesn't you won't be able to use this)

Do a right click on the image and view its properties. under the url section left click and copy the address.. and then paste it here.. like this

http://www.billiardsdigest.com/images/headstring/318a.jpg

at the begining to the left (next to the http:) type and at the end next to the "jpg" type and you have an image in your text.

it will look like this

http://www.billiardsdigest.com/images/headstring/318a.jpg

10-05-2002, 07:51 PM
[image]http://www.azbilliards.com/playerpics/campostexasopen.jpg[\image]

10-05-2002, 08:15 PM
WOW, it worked. That's way cool! Thanks Tom
Curt

http://www.azbilliards.com/playerpics/campostexasopen.jpg