View Full Version : Blond Joke Time
A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to mate with their cows to increase their herd. The brunette takes their life savings of $600.00 dollars and goes toTexas to buy a bull. She eventually meets with an old cowboy that will sell her a bull.
"It's the only one I got for $599.00, take it or leave it.", the cowboy says.
She buys the bull and goes to the local telegram office and says, "I'd like to send a telegram to my friend in Louisiana that says: Have found the stud bull for our ranch, bring the trailer."
The man behind the counter tells her, "Telegrams to any where in the U.S. are $0.75 per word."
She thinks about it for a moment and decides. "I'd like to send one word, please."
"And what word would that be?", inquires the man.
"Comfortable.", replies the brunette.
The man asks, "I'm sorry miss, but how is your friend gonna understand this telegram?"
The brunette replies, "My friend is blonde and reads REAL slow, when she gets this, she will see COM-FOR-DA-BULL.
This young blonde girl comes home from school,
"Mummy, mummy, we learned to count today. All the other girls could only count to five but I can count to ten. Is it because I'm blonde Mummy?"
"Yes dear, it's because you're blonde"
The next day, she comes home from school:
"Mummy, mummy, we learned our ABC's today, the other girls only got to E but I can get all the way to J. is it because I'm blonde Mummy?"
"Yes dear, it's because you're blonde"
On the Wednesday, she comes back from school and says:
"Mummy, mummy, we went swimming today, all the other girls are flat chested but I've got huge boobs, Is it because I'm blonde Mummy?"
"No dear, it's because you're 25"
11-19-2002, 02:07 AM
08-10-2003, 04:13 PM
Three natural blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter.
He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter was.
The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where we have a big feast and give thanks and eat turkey."
St. Peter said, "Nooooooooo," and he banished her to hell.
The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth, and exchange gifts."
St. Peter said, "Noooooooo", and he banished her to hell.
The third blonde said she knew what Easter is, and St. Peter said, "So tell me."
She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder.
St. Peter said, "Verrrry good."
Then the blonde continued, "Now every year the Jews roll away the boulder, and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball."
12-05-2003, 06:23 PM
A blonde woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards and asks the clerk for fifty Christmas stamps.
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The woman says, "Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptist."
12-06-2003, 09:43 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote TomBrooklyn:</font><hr> A blonde woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards and asks the clerk for fifty Christmas stamps.
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The woman says, "Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptist." <hr /></blockquote>
Looks like you got the same email I did.
A blonde comes home to find her husband in the arms of a beautiful redhead. Obviously distraught and overcome with grief, she brandishes her gun and places it at her temple. The husband cries "No honey don't do it. I love you". The blonde replies "Save it pal, you're next" /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif
Steve - Detroit
12-06-2003, 03:51 PM
A guy is out walking in the woods and comes upon a river he needs to cross. Walking up and down the bank, looking for a place to cross he sees a blonde across the river and shouts, "Hey, how do I get to the other side?"
The blonde looks around somewhat confused and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side".
03-13-2004, 02:58 PM
A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.
The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first."
03-14-2004, 12:16 AM
Did you hear about the blonde that got fired from the M$M candy factory? She kept throwing away the ones with the W''s on them.
What do you call four blondes at a four-way stop sign? Eternity.
How does a blonde turn on the light after having sex? She opens the car door.
Why do blondes always wear them dangly hoop-style ear rings? So they can have a place to hang their high-heels while having sex.
How do blondes make themselves look more beuatiful? They spread their legs. /ccboard/images/graemlins/blush.gif
05-15-2004, 09:26 PM
A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair, giving that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1 - The bartender is a blonde girl. 2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl. 3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 160 LB. blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter. 5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler. Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times!"
06-08-2004, 02:27 PM
A blonde women was having financial troubles, so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note: "I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park tomarrow at 7 A M. Signed, THE BLONDE"
She pinned the note inside the little boy`s jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag, behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag was the following note: "Here is your money, but I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another!"
haHaHa LOL. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif
06-09-2004, 09:35 PM
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer that was also a blonde.
The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
Walt in VA
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