PDA

View Full Version : To fish or cut bait



silverbullet
12-11-2002, 07:35 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Chris Cass:</font><hr> BW,

Unless you know something we don't know? That's a statement that shouldn't have to be made. No matter what, nothing in this world is stopping me from being myself. Your already winning against something that's been beating people for along time. Quiting or throwing in the towel doesn't seem to be in your vocabulary. Don't let a pool game or anything else change what kind of person you are or want to be. Making peace with ones self is a gratifying feeling. A feeling that brings calmness and shows no fear against anything. Pool losses seem so trivial. So, in reality we've placed too high a price on our ego.

Regards,

C.C. <hr /></blockquote>

Chris,

There are lots of good people here. I am not throwing in the towel yet. But, when the topic was raised under the preditor topic, racmup mentioned that my role here was the ccb punching bag.

I choose to not accept that role anymore. I think I am a valuable person and deserve respect.Some indicated that I had disrespected Carol. What about her disrepect of me? I may not be as good of a pool player as she is and may never be,but I deserve the same respect as a human being, a woman and a person of indian heritage.I havent told anybody much detail about that. I am wolf clan and bluewolf is my native name given to me by indian elders. When I was told by Carol and Beerwolf that I disrespected the wolf, this was the deepest disrespect and insult that could be given me. I am a woman who loves wolves and will protect them with my life and am one of those rare people who can live with them and have done so. So I took my indian name off of this forum and started posting as silverbullet.

There are people who never post except to put me down. I have tried to not respond to them out of respect for this board, because I did not want to start a flame war or get kicked off like downtown did.

You are one of the fair ones chris and while I am here I want to tell people I think something of how I feel about them. But you know that even though I made mistakes, certain people have not forgiven me, even when I tried my best to mend my ways and I got nothing but flaming and joking (cept you) when I was sick. They that never forgive are as different from me as light and day.I wont go into all of that spiritual stuff here, but it is a factor.

You are right. I am bigger than any insult (to paraphrase) thrown at me. The question is whether I am continuing to gain more from here than I am giving up in psychic energy and aggravation.

I know you love it here, Chris, and you get a lot of support, but if you are honest with yourself, I do not get nearly that same support. This is not family for me , has never been except for a few friends I have made and who primarily pvt me. Who has the guts to support me in open? I mean really stand, not just a wimpy sentence. You do, chris.

One time I went to a spiritual teacher. I was in a weakened spiritual and emotional state at the time. He gave the following advise: take out a piece of notebook paper; write on one side the people and things that give you support and build you up. Keep them in your life. Write on the other side people and things who are either no benefit or who drag you down and chuck them from your life. He further explained that I was so weak, I needed to do this to heal. Later, a year from then, I could invite some of them back into my life and be a healer to them.

I am not in a weakened state, but it has always been my policy to surround myself with positive. My true friends build me up, encourage me to reach my dreams as I do for them. We do not judge each other, we listen and we walk through pain and joy together. Awhile back I posted a poem called The Invitation, which pretty much encompasses my philosophies. If you are interested, I suppose it is in the archives.

I will be looking at what is here in the next several weeks. There is no doubt that I have something to offer here, but what does this list, with the exception of a few individuals have to offer me? Chris, this is not new. I have been thinking for a long time.

It always comes down to this, whether to fish or cut bait. I will be weighing the good against the not so good...

This is a logical process....And it is certainly not about being wimpy or trying to get sympathy. It is about being a strong woman and making decisions to surround myself with positive and giving positive.

blu