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Sid_Vicious
01-24-2003, 08:07 AM
A physician claims these are actual comments from his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before".
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"
5. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
6. "You know, in Oklahoma, we're now legally married."
7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the
Hokey Pokey...."
9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
10. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"
11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
13. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not,
in fact, up there?"

TomBrooklyn
01-24-2003, 10:34 AM
The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon." Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. I've come to..."

"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.

"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies."

"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat." After a moment, she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too... you can really spread out!"

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me"

"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time, but if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, my, that's a lot of..." gasped Mrs Smith.

"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."

"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus."

"Oh my God!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.

"And these twins turned out especially well, when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes wide in amazement.

"Yes," the photographer said. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate! Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your um...equipment?"

"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."

"Tripod?"

"Oh, yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold very long. Madam? Madam...Good Lord, she's fainted!!" /ccboard/images/graemlins/smirk.gif

SpiderMan
01-24-2003, 10:52 AM
Ha Ha Ha Ha HA Ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Mr Ingrate
01-24-2003, 03:41 PM
Sid,

Don't forget Bowser and Blue's "Working Where the Sun Don't Shine" (the Colorectal Surgeon's Song).

Here's a link to the Canadian Colorectal web site where you can play a clip of the song.

http://www.ccac-accc.ca/

SpiderMan
01-25-2003, 11:33 PM

silverbullet
01-26-2003, 08:55 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Mr Ingrate:</font><hr> Sid,

Don't forget Bowser and Blue's "Working Where the Sun Don't Shine" (the Colorectal Surgeon's Song).

Here's a link to the Canadian Colorectal web site where you can play a clip of the song.

http://www.ccac-accc.ca/ <hr /></blockquote>

DAVE!!! Boy you have got me laughing so hard on this one my sides hurt /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

bw

snipershot
01-28-2003, 04:02 PM
I too rest my cannon on a tripod, I use it in a variety of places as well, I use it from an amazing variety of angles, I just wished we could be talking about what Mrs. Smith thinks a cannon is and not about taking pictures.

TomBrooklyn
03-30-2003, 06:02 AM
Howard was feeling guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

Every once in a while he'd hear a soothing voice trying to reassure him - "Howard, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients and you won't be the last."

But invariably the other voice would snap him back to reality: "Howard! You're a veterinarian."