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TomBrooklyn
02-12-2003, 08:46 AM
With A Little Help From Our Friends!
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting out "give yourself up".


Some Days, It Just Doesn't Pay!
Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm system. "This is even worse than last year," said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new security system..."

The Getaway!

A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

Did I Say That?

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

Ouch, That Smarts!!

A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a dye pack designed to mark stolen money exploded in his Fruit-of-the-Looms. The robber apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his pants as he was running out the door. "He was seen hopping and jumping around with an explosion taking place inside his pants," said police spokesman Mike Carey. Police have the man's charred trousers in custody.

Are We Communicating??

A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No" the man shouted, "this is her husband!"

Not The Sharpest Knife In The Drawer!!

In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun but unfortunately he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.

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TomBrooklyn
02-12-2003, 09:12 AM
Police in Kentucky are looking for a customer who succeeded in paying for a $2 order at a fast-food restaurant with a phony $200 bill featuring a picture of President George W. Bush and a depiction of the White House with a lawn sign saying, 'We like broccoli.' Authorities say the female cashier at a Dairy Queen in Danville even gave the culprit $198 in real money as change. (John Sommers, Reuters)

TomBrooklyn
02-12-2003, 09:20 AM
Shot in the Head: Linda Burnett was visiting her in-laws in Florida, and while there, went to a nearby Winn Dixie supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the police and paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.

Vapros
02-12-2003, 10:51 PM
A frantic man called the fire department, saying his house was on fire and they should come right away.

"How do we get there?" the fireman asked.

After a pause the guy replied, "What happened to that big red truck you used to have?"

TomBrooklyn
02-13-2003, 01:13 AM
HANOVER, Germany, Feb 5 (AFP) - German police who got no response when they knocked on a suspect's door noticed that it was his birthday, and got better results when they broke into a rendition of 'Happy Birthday', they said
Wednesday.

Detectives who rang the bell at the 25-year-old man's house in Hanover, in northern Germany, failed to get a response, then noticed on his arrest warrant -- for serious assault -- that it was his birthday. So they sang 'Happy Birthday' to him from the street. At which point their suspect opened the door, and was promptly arrested.

TomBrooklyn
02-13-2003, 07:18 AM
PORT ROYAL, Va. (AP) -- Wednesday a masked man robbed the Union Bank & Trust north of Richmond. The bank robber left a trail of $100 bills as he tried to stuff the money in his pockets and, when he reached his getaway car, he found the keys had been locked inside. Police said the suspect, 61-year-old Edward Butler Blaine, fled on foot after beating on the car window with a piece of wood.

Bystanders then began to chase him, police said. When the bystanders caught him, Blaine tried to shoot them,
but instead shot himself in the leg, Caroline County Sheriff Homer Johnson said. One of the men also shot him as they continued to struggle. Blaine was charged with eight felonies, including robbery and two counts of attempted murder, Johnson said. He was hospitalized in Richmond for one night and was being held in jail Friday. All the money was recovered, Caroline County Sheriff's Capt. Scott Moser said.