View Full Version : Lawyer jokes

02-16-2003, 10:46 AM
Sunday mornin', comin' down. Let's tell lawyer jokes.
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The dividing line between heaven and hell is a white picket fence, and St. Peter and the Devil have an agreement that provides that they will paint the fence in alternate years. Last year it was the Devil's turn, but he said he couldn't be bothered with it. St. Peter nagged him about it, and they argued for a while, and finally St. Peter threatened to sue him. "Riiight," replied the Devil. "Where are you gonna get a lawyer?!"

04-03-2003, 12:40 AM
A dad walks into a market with his young son. The kid is holding a dollar coin. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The dad realizes the boy has swallowed the coin and starts panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive, but serious looking woman in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading her newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way,
unhurried, across the market.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze, gently at first and then ever more firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the pound, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"

"No," the woman replies-- "Divorce Lawyer."

04-04-2003, 01:52 AM
What do u call a hundred lawyers up to their neck in sand ?
...not enough sand.