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nAz
02-27-2003, 12:43 PM
THE MEN’S THESAURUS

“I’M GOING FISHING/BOATING/HUNTING.”
Means: “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.”

“IT’S A GUY THING.”
Means: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”

“CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?”
Means: “Why isn’t it already on the table?”

“UH HUH,” “SURE, HONEY,” OR “YES, DEAR . . .”
Means: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response. (Can also mean kiss my arse!)

“IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN.”
Means: “I have no idea how it works.”

“I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT’S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND.”
Means: “I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra.”

“TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU’RE WORKING TOO HARD.”
Means: “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”

“THAT’S INTERESTING, DEAR.”
Means: “Are you still talking?”

“YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.”
Means: “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop’, the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.”

“I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES.”
Means: “The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.”

“OH, DON’T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT’S NO BIG DEAL.”
Means: “I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I’m hurt.”

“HEY, I’VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I’M DOING.”
Means: “And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.”

“I CAN’T FIND IT.”
Means: “It didn’t Fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”

“WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?”
Means: “What did you catch me at?”

“I HEARD YOU.”
Means: “I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t spend the next 3 days yelling at me.”

“YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE.”
Means: “I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse.”

“YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.”
Means: “Please don’t try on one more outfit, I’m starving.”

“I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.”
Means: “No one will ever see us alive again.”

“WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK.”
Means: “I make the messes, she cleans them up.”

02-27-2003, 07:03 PM
Good stuff, one amendment.
"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE I AM."
I'm not stopping at the gas station to ask for directions because the guy in there isn't from this country and doesn't know the area anyway.

No offense meant. Just fact. At least from my experiences.

snipershot
02-27-2003, 10:24 PM
This couldn't get any closer to the truth!