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nAz
03-10-2003, 03:59 PM
A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a brand new Ferrari 550. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops for a red light. An old man on a Moped (about 75 years old) pulls up next to him.

The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny car and asks, "What kind of carya'got there, sonny?" The young man replies, "A Ferrari 550. It cost half a million dollars!" "That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?" "Because this car can do up to 250 miles an hour!" states the young dude proudly. The moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?" "No problem," replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right...but I'll stick with my Moped!" Just then the light changes so the guy decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 150 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer ! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly,................w-h-h-h-o-o-o-o-s-s-s-h-h-h! Something whips by him, going much faster! "What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?!" the young man asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 180 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped. Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari he gives it some more gas and passes the Moped at 195 mph...............W-h-o-o-o-o-o-o-s-h! He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him again. Astounded by the speed of this old guy he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 230 mph. Not ten seconds later he sees the Moped bearing down on him again. The Ferrari is flat out and there's nothing he can do. Suddenly the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear. Coming to a stop the young man jumps out, and unbelievably, the old man is still alive! He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "Oh my God! Is there anything can do for you?"

The old man whispers, "Unhook...my suspenders from your side-view mirror.

TomBrooklyn
04-02-2003, 01:54 PM
When the moon hits your eye,
Like a big pizza pie,
That's amore.

When an eel bites your hand,
And that's not what you planned,
That's a moray.

When our habits are strange,
And our customs deranged,
That's our mores.

When your horse munches straw,
And the bales total four,
That's some more hay.

When Othello's poor wife,
Becomes stabbed with a knife,
That's a Moor, eh?

When a Japanese knight,
Uses his sword in a fight,
That's Samurai.

When your sheep go to graze,
In a damp marshy place,
That's a moor, eh?

When your boat comes home fine,
And you tie up her line,
That's a moor, eh?

When you ace your last tests,
Like you did all the rest,
That's some more "A"s!

When on Mt. Cook you see,
An aborigine,
That's a Maori.

Alley Oop's homeland has,
A space gun with pizzazz,
That's a Moo ray...

A comedian ham,
With the name Amsterdam,
That's a Morey.

When your chocolate graham,
Is with marshmallows crammed,
That s'more, eh.

When you've had quite enough,
Of this dumb rhyming stuff,
That's "No more!", eh?

SpiderMan
04-17-2003, 11:51 AM
When your Talisman splits
don't go calling it quits
... get a Moori /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

SpiderMan

"If it's yellow and smells bad, it's 9-ball or a diaper (...or a Frenchman)"

SpiderMan
04-17-2003, 12:04 PM
How about:

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a brand new Ferrari 550. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops for a red light. A beautiful woman on the corner sticks out her thumb. She's holding a poodle.

The young man says he'd like to offer her a ride, but "this is a Ferrari 550. It cost half a million dollars, and I just can't risk getting dog hair on my carpets." THe woman replies "Well, poodles are known for not shedding hair, but if you're worried, then Baby can just follow us. She's very fast."

"This car can do up to 250 miles an hour!" states the young dude proudly." "There's no way your dog could follow us!".

Just then the light changes so the guy decides to show the woman just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 150 mph. "Where's your dog?", he asks. "Right behind us", she replies. So he floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 180 mph. "Where's your dog now?", he asks. "Still right behind us", she answers. Astounded, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 230 mph. "Surely you're not going to say that mutt is still following us?", he jokes. "Yes, she's right on our tail."

So he jams on the brakes, brings the car to a screeching halt, jumps out and runs back to see if the dog is really there. "That's not your dog", he says. "I don't remember her wearing a collar." The woman steps out, looks, and says "that's her [censored], Baby's not used to those sudden stops.".

SpiderMan

"If it's yellow and smells bad, it's 9-ball or a diaper (...or a Frenchman)"

04-17-2003, 02:13 PM
When a guy gets his kicks
from no booze and 10 chicks,
that's a Mormon ...

nAz
04-17-2003, 02:40 PM
Post deleted by nAz

nAz
04-17-2003, 02:42 PM
http://www.raceworx.com/funnypics/hazmat_women.gif

Tom_In_Cincy
04-17-2003, 05:51 PM
Best one yet.. great one Marty

Ralph S.
04-18-2003, 08:00 AM
Now thats funny Naz.