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nAz
03-18-2003, 04:37 AM
50 things we wish girls knew….

I like #35 and #28 j/k ladies i actualy love it /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif


1. We aren’t mind readers!
2. We are not to be used as pawns in trying to make your girlfriends jealous.
3. When you sleep over never boss me around in bed unless it is during sex.
4. Smoking is the biggest turn off.
5. It never hurts to work out.
6. If you don’t want to hear the truth, don’t ask the question.
7. “Fine” or “whatever” is not an appropriate ending to a conversation.
8. If you want sex, just ask. (In case you didn’t already know.)
9. Don’t expect guys to say as many sweet things as they do in the movies. (It takes a lot of guys and their wives to come up with those scripts).
10. Only models are able to wear most of the stuff you see in fashion magazines.
11. No guy will complain if he comes home and sees you in one of the following outfits: French Maid, School girl, bunny, or just plain naked.
12. You don’t need lingerie to look sexy before bed, short cotton shorts and a tank top are fine by us.
13. Girls look good naked so stop worrying.
14. Sharing your deepest feelings in no way guarantees reciprocity.
15. We are all kinky and willing to try anything that you may enjoy, just let us know.
16. Every so often no matter whether it is true or not remind us that we have the biggest penis you’ve ever dealt with.
17. If were not getting love we’ll start looking…(haha…just kidding…psych…I’m dead serious)
18. The greatest thing ever is to watch a girl touch herself.
19. Most of the time when I fantasize it is about another person.
20. If you, the girl, make out with another girl we won’t consider it cheating. Actually we strongly promote this behavior.
21. Your hair is like 14 inches long, how are we supposed to notice a quarter inch missing.
22. You shouldn’t be flattered or grossed out if we get an erection when dancing with you. All we need is Friction.
23. Porn…hmmm…Porn. Watching porn is like breathing it would just be wrong to ask us to stop.
24. We masturbate, usually more when we are in a relationship, can’t explain it but it is just fact.
25. Blue balls are not sporting equipment. Didn’t your parents teach you not to quit.
26. Giving head is never a bad idea.
27. We are conservationists at heart, water is our biggest love, so shower with us.
28. There are three acceptable ways to wake up: (1) You on top of us. (2) Getting head. (3) Some sort of breakfast.
29. We don’t mind going to gay movies with you but don’t tell our friends.
30. You can’t hold it against us if we cry after sports movies or “Old yeller.”
31. “The game is on” is an acceptable excuse to avoid any serious conversation.
32. Any harsh contact with the testicles should be assumed a serious injury but soft caresses are strongly encouraged.
33. You’re probably not as funny as you think.
34. Brad Pitt is probably a cool guy but if I hear one more girl say “he’s so hot” he may have to die.
35. Your period should be referred to as Blowjob week. (Influenced by a Maxim article)
36. Cooking makes a girl that much more attractive especially if she can use a grill.
37. You can’t get mad if we refuse to hook up your “ugly friend” with one of our friends.
38. For every fart that slips out when you are around we successfully hold in about 15, enduring excruciating pain to do this.
39. If we want to take naked pictures of you it is because we are proud and want to show you off to our friends.
40. The red light means the video camera is off.
41. A guy should be considered sensitive if he asks whether you want to do it with the lights on or off.
42. Whip cream and chocolate syrup are not just condiments for ice cream also Altoids just don’t make your breath fresher.
43. Nothing you will ever do will entitle you to operate the remote control. (Unless operating means handing it to us.)
44. The only thing left to be said after sex is “goodnight.”
45. Video games have helped us develop such finger skills that should only encourage us to play more often.
46. Critiquing our driving is only second to critiquing our love making.
47. Guys nights out are sacred events. If we answer questions we could be castrated.
48. If you ask us to go shopping you have to at least entertain the idea of having sex in a changing room.
49. The jeans don’t make your ass look fat. Your fat ass makes your ass look fat.
50. 99.5% of the time we didn’t mean to hurt you.

bluewolf
03-18-2003, 06:35 AM
KOOL But I have a better solution to the remote problem. If I want it, grab it, beat my so over the head or whatever other devious things I can think of to get it.

Laura

Brent
03-18-2003, 05:36 PM
LOL NaZ /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif Where do u get this [censored] /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif common knowledge ?

nAz
03-18-2003, 05:40 PM
hanging around pool halls lol

naa other people other sites,just killing time surfing the net between pool games i come across this stuff. /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif

Sid_Vicious
03-18-2003, 05:57 PM
W-a-a-a-y too many of these hit proverbial home, I'll not expose the real Sidmeister by picking favorites...sid

Kato
03-18-2003, 09:57 PM
All universal truths. #1 is the one I think is the truest. #28 is probably my second favorite.

Kato

Brent
03-19-2003, 07:34 AM
8 and 26 are soo true /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif

9 Ball Girl
03-19-2003, 08:37 AM
9 Ball Girl time:

1. We aren't mind readers!
No $hit! If you all were, then you'd know how to satisfy us!

2. We are not to be used as pawns in trying to make your girlfriends jealous.
No, no, no. We "use" you as pawns to show our girlfriends how easy we can control you.

3. When you sleep over never boss me around in bed unless it is during sex.
But we thought you guys liked role playing?

4. Smoking is the biggest turn off.
I couldn't agree more...except after sex of course. (Although I've never actually checked to see if I was smoking afterwards! /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif

5. It never hurts to work out.
True. We need to be strong to be able to lift your guts off of us whilst you're on top.

6. If you don't want to hear the truth, don't ask the question.
Fine. Then you have to stop asking us questions that have answers you don't want to hear. i.e, "Who's the best, baby?"

7. "Fine" or "whatever"; is not an appropriate ending to a conversation.
Neither is "the game is on."

8. If you want sex, just ask. (In case you didn't already know.)
Ok. If you want sex, turn off the damn TV. Who wants to do "it" during half time?

9. Don't expect guys to say as many sweet things as they do in the movies. (It takes a lot of guys and their wives to come up with those scripts).
Ok. See #6

10. Only models are able to wear most of the stuff you see in fashion magazines.
OMG A breakthough! So stop buying us things that are for a size -4!

11. No guy will complain if he comes home and sees you in one of the following outfits: French Maid, School girl, bunny, or just plain naked.
I don't mind that at all. How about you all come as Firemen, Construction Workers, and Policemen? We won't complain. Promise.

12. You don't need lingerie to look sexy before bed, short cotton shorts and a tank top are fine by us.
Good. Victoria's Secret undies are getting too expensive to have them ripped off in a matter of 15 seconds!

13. Girls look good naked so stop worrying.
Then keep your eyes on the one that's laying next to you and not the one in some glossy magazine.

14. Sharing your deepest feelings in no way guarantees reciprocity.
Just goes to prove that you guys are way too shallow

15. We are all kinky and willing to try anything that you may enjoy, just let us know.
Good. 'Cause honey, I'm the kinkiest of them all!

16. Every so often no matter whether it is true or not remind us that we have the biggest penis you've ever dealt with.
Come on you guys. Don't you know that we're the masters of faking? Piece of cake!

17. If were not getting love we'll start looking (haha just kidding;psych I'm dead serious)
Then may I introduce your left and right friends, PALMer and PALMina

18. The greatest thing ever is to watch a girl touch herself.
You mean like when we rub our tummies and head at the same time? /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

19. Most of the time when I fantasize it is about another person.
Finally, something we have in common!

20. If you, the girl, make out with another girl we won't consider it cheating. Actually we strongly promote this behavior.
I don't know about that. If we do then we just might not need you after all.

21. Your hair is like 14 inches long, how are we supposed to notice a quarter inch missing.
You're like (insert number here) inches long, how are we suppose to tell you that you're the biggest?

22. You shouldn't be flattered or grossed out if we get an erection when dancing with you. All we need is Friction.
Two words: Cold Shower

23. Porn hmmm Porn. Watching porn is like breathing it would just be wrong to ask us to stop.
How about making your own porn with us?

24. We masturbate, usually more when we are in a relationship, can't explain it but it is just fact.
Oh, so you already knew your friends PALMer and PALMina.

25. Blue balls are not sporting equipment. Didn't your parents teach you not to quit.
Blue Clit is not the move. Didn't your parents ever tell you not to quit? Some crap about your jaw hurting. Not!

26. Giving head is never a bad idea.
Feelings mutual

27. We are conservationists at heart, water is our biggest love, so shower with us.
Ok. Environmental Awareness is good.

28. There are three acceptable ways to wake up: (1) You on top of us. (2) Getting head. (3) Some sort of breakfast.
One word: Reciprocate

29. We don't mind going to gay movies with you but don't tell our friends.
Nothing wrong with finding your feminine side!

30. You can't hold it against us if we cry after sports movies or Old yeller.
Crying is good. 'Least it shows you can.

31. "The game is on" is an acceptable excuse to avoid any serious conversation.
See #7

32. Any harsh contact with the testicles should be assumed a serious injury but soft caresses are strongly encouraged.
Sheesh! Make up your minds! We thought you liked it rough!

33. You're probably not as funny as you think.
And you're as funny as you look

34. Brad Pitt is probably a cool guy but if I hear one more girl say he's so hot, he may have to die.
Have to agree. I don't think Brad Pitt is hot at all

35. Your period should be referred to as Blowjob week. (Influenced by a Maxim article)
Sigh it's not easy. Teeth placement, breathing through the nose whilst the mouth is open, gag reflexes--honey they don't call it a job for nothing.

36. Cooking makes a girl that much more attractive especially if she can use a grill.
Bring home the bacon and we will!

37. You can't get mad if we refuse to hook up your ugly friend with one of our friends.
C'est la vie

38. For every fart that slips out when you are around we successfully hold in about 15, enduring excruciating pain to do this.
If it's not coming out your a$$, then it's probably the bull$hit that's coming out your mouth!

39. If we want to take naked pictures of you it is because we are proud and want to show you off to our friends.
Too bad we can't do the same. See # 16

40. The red light means the video camera is off.
Oh yeah? The red light also means STOP!

41. A guy should be considered sensitive if he asks whether you want to do it with the lights on or off.
Blah blah blah. We prefer the lights off so that we can imagine BIGGER things.

42. Whip cream and chocolate syrup are not just condiments for ice cream also Altoids just don't make your breath fresher.
Whip cream and chocolate syrup are yummy. Hmm. Can you think why it is that we like to use it?

43. Nothing you will ever do will entitle you to operate the remote control. (Unless operating means handing it to us.)
Nah, we'll let you do it. After all, it's the only thing you know how to operate

44. The only thing left to be said after sex is goodnight.
To which we'll say, "what was so good about it?"

45. Video games have helped us develop such finger skills that should only encourage us to play more often.
Ok. Add that to #43

46. Critiquing our driving is only second to critiquing our love making.
What's the difference?

47. Guys nights out are sacred events. If we answer questions we could be castrated.
Like we care. Oh wait, perhaps a whole bunch of drunk guys together are discussing their feminine sides?

48. If you ask us to go shopping you have to at least entertain the idea of having sex in a changing room.
I have no problem with that.

49. The jeans don't make your ass look fat. Your fat ass makes your ass look fat.
But you love it anyway

50. 99.5% of the time we didn't mean to hurt you.
LIARS!!!!

Wendy~~Ahhh, that was fun. Ok, back to work! http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/splitform.gif

Kato
03-19-2003, 08:50 AM
Now be nice Wendy. You already know every guy in the universe wants you /ccboard/images/graemlins/blush.gif

Kato~~~thinking Wendy will be mashed against me in about 6 months

9 Ball Girl
03-19-2003, 09:05 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Kato:</font><hr> Now be nice Wendy. You already know every guy in the universe wants you /ccboard/images/graemlins/blush.gif<hr /></blockquote>

Ah you know me. It's all in fun! /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Kato:</font><hr>Kato~~~thinking Wendy will be mashed against me in about 6 months <hr /></blockquote>

Mmmmm. Mashed against all that Kato goodness. Aaahhhhh. /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif

Fran Crimi
03-19-2003, 10:37 AM
Ok I read it.

Now YOU read it again from a different perspective if you're capable of it, and ask yourself this question:

Why is the world in the condition it's in today and who is in control?

Then ask yourself if you still find this amusing.

Fran

bluewolf
03-19-2003, 12:58 PM
9 ball girl...hahaha Just loved this

You are more perverted than nAz, and I am just as perverted as both of you, well almost. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Laura

Sid_Vicious
03-19-2003, 01:11 PM
Alert! Alert! #18 needs a massive correction to your definition 9BG. I may be hard up but the tummy &amp; hear rub leaves me way short, OOPS! I made a funny...sid

9 Ball Girl
03-19-2003, 01:20 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote bluewolf:</font><hr> 9 ball girl...hahaha Just loved this

You are more perverted than nAz, and I am just as perverted as both of you, well almost. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Laura <hr /></blockquote>

Nah, not perverted. I just know how to woof back with the best of 'em.

TomBrooklyn
03-19-2003, 02:09 PM
I wonder how many of the billion or so typical devout Middle Eastern Moslems who don't drink or do drugs; who's marriages are arranged and mostly end only in the death of a spouse; and who pray literally five or more times a day; are looking forward to having the United States depose a Moslem countries leader and make this kind of culture and information more readily available to it's women and children. Hmmmm....

Wally_in_Cincy
03-19-2003, 02:55 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote TomBrooklyn:</font><hr> I wonder how many of the billion or so typical devout Middle Eastern Moslems who don't drink or do drugs; who's marriages are arranged and mostly end only in the death of a spouse; and who pray literally five or more times a day; are looking forward to having the United States depose a Moslem countries leader and make this kind of culture and information more readily available to it's women and children. Hmmmm.... <hr /></blockquote>

Beats the hell outta torture.

snipershot
03-22-2003, 10:55 AM
#49 is by far the best /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif