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Paul_Mon
03-19-2003, 01:35 PM
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror--make mental note-must do more sit-ups.
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth,leg cloth, long loofah,wide loofah and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
7. Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red.
9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair (you must make sure that it has all come off).
11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
12. Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure.
13. Turn off shower.
14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit, tweeze hairs.
17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas and then sashay to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.


HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the "woo-woo" sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror and scratch your ass.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).
6. Wash your face.
7. Wash your armpits.
8. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off.
9. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
10. Majority of time is spent washing your privates and surrounding area.
11. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the soap bar.
12. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
14. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again.
15. Pee (in the shower).
16. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.
17. Partially dry off.
18. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size again.
19. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
20. Leave bathroom fan and light on.
21. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, shake wiener at her, and make the "woo-woo" sound again.
22. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed again.

eg8r
03-19-2003, 01:59 PM
LOL, that is hilarious. I have not seen that one in a few years and I am still cracking up.

Thanks Paul. /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif

eg8r

Wally_in_Cincy
03-19-2003, 02:59 PM
Don't forget:

"Leave beer can on bathroom window sill"

That's why you had to pee in the shower /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Kato
03-19-2003, 03:08 PM
Amen Wally. There are very few things in life better than an ice cold beer in a hot shower.

Kato

Paul_Mon
03-19-2003, 03:16 PM
I know, I read it at work and had tears in my eyes

Paul_Mon
03-19-2003, 03:22 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Kato:</font><hr> Amen Wally. There are very few things in life better than an ice cold beer in a hot shower.


Kato <hr /></blockquote>

I once saw a guy at the country club smoking a cigar in the shower!!! Also heard that Luis Tiant used to smoke cigars in the shower. I prefer sipping wine with my wife in the tub.

Wally_in_Cincy
03-19-2003, 04:02 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Kato:</font><hr> Amen Wally. There are very few things in life better than an ice cold beer in a hot shower.

Kato <hr /></blockquote>

I worked in a factory until about 1992. As soon as I got home you're dam right I had a beer and a shower /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

My wife used to get so pissed when I'd leave a can on the sill. I can still hear it - "For God's sake Wally" /ccboard/images/graemlins/crazy.gif

&lt;Wally cringes just thinking about it&gt;

snipershot
03-19-2003, 05:31 PM
The accurracy of that was amazing, I'm pretty sure just about every guy/girl does those things in the shower, you failed to include singing in the shower, I'm a regular rock star when I'm in the shower, radio blasting over the sound of the water and everything.

SpiderMan
03-19-2003, 05:35 PM

9 Ball Girl
03-19-2003, 06:52 PM
Hey, guys aren't the only ones that flaunt their danglies to their significant other as they walk by them to go take a shower! /ccboard/images/graemlins/blush.gif

Wendy~~~an excerpt from a Benny Hill song, "and ring those lovely bells....oh those sheperd bells" /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif