View Full Version : Husband/wife coaching
03-20-2003, 08:57 AM
Everytime I give my wife little tips here and there she gets PO'd at me.....
Maybe it's my delivery. I dunno. Sigh...
Cycopath: FWIW, this is something I've seen come up with almost every couple I've had on my teams over the last 10+ years. On one of my current teams, the S/L6 husband tends to want his S/L3 wife to do well and have a good time, but he winds up over-coaching her, calling time-outs on non-critical shots, over-explaining shots and suggesting shots that seem simple to him but which SHE doesn't have confidence in making.
She, on the other hand, feels he doesn't respect her game and ability to think things through for herself, and would rather try "her" shot that she's confident in than "his" shot that she's not.
Friction really started to develop, until we finally decided that another teammate would be her coach, and anything the husband wanted to pass on would be passed on to the new coach, who would relay it to the player. This worked out great; the coach is now presenting an idea as an alternative, not as a criticism of her game plan, and she does not see it as a put-down or lack of respect.
It may be, as you say, in the delivery....
Congratulations on your team qualification - good luck in the Cup!
Walt in VA
03-20-2003, 10:21 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote WaltVA:</font><hr> Cycopath: FWIW, this is something I've seen come up with almost every couple I've had on my teams over the last 10+ years. <hr /></blockquote>One of my major rules on league teams: no couples.
9 Ball Girl
03-20-2003, 11:15 AM
There was this one girl when I played on a BCA team who would onlytake a coach from her boyfriend. Very annoying if you ask me.
03-20-2003, 11:50 AM
Thanks for the comments Walt.
I never coach her during match play. Our team captain does.
Mostly I try to advise her during our practice sessions. These days I try and stay quiet, as hard as it is when I see her lining up on the wrong shot or with draw/stop when she needs follow. Occassionally she will actually ask me what she needs to do, OH JOY!!! I love it when she does and it actually works, to her amazement.
I guess I'd rather her slowly come into her game and us stay on speaking terms. Also, I like sleeping in my bed and not on the couch. /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif
03-20-2003, 12:13 PM
As my great grand pappy, ONE WHO WALKS WITH A LISP AND TALKS WITH A LIMP BUT RIDES A SLOW PONNY, used to say "unsoliciited advise is never welcome". This seems to be one of lifes lessons that some are blind too and they are damned to ride the slow ponny....hehehehe /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif
03-20-2003, 02:50 PM
We had a rough time over this for awhile. He was irritated that I listened to ccb over him, said I wasnt taking advantage of living with a seven. He would try to show me stuff and I said 'I am not ready'. Well things eventually worked out and maybe it was a poor confidence related to pool thing because now I am listening to everything. I guess I just had to get a little better at pool so I would not feet threatened that he was so much better.
03-20-2003, 03:28 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote cheesemouse:</font><hr>As my great grand pappy, ONE WHO WALKS WITH A LISP AND TALKS WITH A LIMP BUT RIDES A SLOW PONNY, used to say "unsoliciited advise is never welcome".<hr /></blockquote>Sounds like yer ol' pappy was one wise man.
03-20-2003, 04:40 PM
FWIW, I used to be on a team with a girl I dated, She was cross-eyed and dyslexic. She never missed a shot or, for that matter, never needed a coach. What a great girl! I sure do miss her! Candyman
03-20-2003, 05:05 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Candyman:</font><hr>She was cross-eyed and dyslexic.<hr /></blockquote>You ain't too picky are you.
Just kidding. Some of my best friends are cross-eyed and dyslexic... well just one friend who is dyslexic.
03-20-2003, 08:18 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote 9 Ball Girl:</font><hr> There was this one girl when I played on a BCA team who would only take a coach from her boyfriend. Very annoying if you ask me. <hr /></blockquote>How about the SL2 on our APA team who refused to take a coach from anyone. Hahaha. Couldn't say anything, she owned the pool hall.
03-21-2003, 01:41 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote TomBrooklyn:</font><hr> <hr /></blockquote>How about the SL2 on our APA team who refused to take a coach from anyone. Hahaha. Couldn't say too much, she owned the pool hall. <hr /></blockquote>
My husband coached me tonoght in apa . He helped me to choose the order of the balls to run and position tips. This was helpful because I was able to beat the sl4 I was playing (race 4-2).
03-21-2003, 02:37 AM
Although we dont play in a league or anything, my wife loves to play straight pool with me. I spot her 35 balls in a 50 point game and some days she does alright and some not. But i teach her, coach her, whatever you want to call it and sometimes it frustrating as all hell. Maybe its me but i get so mad watching her play when she does nothing right that my game goes to hell sometimes and then im really steaming. Im quiet about it but if you know me you can see the look on my face and read it easy.
I guess you have to have a certain temperment to teach, especially family members.
Now all i got to do is find someone to teach me. /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif
My friend who is a much better player than me asked me to help me with his wife when we play together. He can't stand it when she doesn't do what he says and then there is fighting and meanness. This way, her and I are friends, they are still in love, and everyone has fun.
On my APA 9-ball team I have a boyfriend/girlfriend combo. He's a good player and she's a 2. One night she was almost in tears because he got mad at her. I put a stop to it. I told him I would coach her from then on. Everyone is happier.
03-21-2003, 08:26 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Kato:</font><hr> My friend who is a much better player than me asked me to help me with his wife when we play together. He can't stand it when she doesn't do what he says and then there is fighting and meanness. This way, her and I are friends, they are still in love, and everyone has fun.
Kato <hr /></blockquote>
I firmly believe that when I was a beginning sl2, the critical nature of my apa7 hubbie slowed my progress. He had natural talent and even 30 years ago played pretty good. I had to work hard for everything I got.
I have just gotten to the point that when he says something I should have done, I can turn to him and say 'gee, I am sorry I did not shoot that like a 7' and then he laughs.
I now believe that I will keep getting better but that level of confidence took 8 mo of hard work to get.
Just a little brag about last night. I started last night with a 70% long cut to the far corner. At this point I jumped up and down and whooped. I shot overall very good, but then there was another one which I thought that was amazing.
The cb was about 45% cut on the 8 which was frozen to the rail. It had to go all the way down the long rail past the side and into the corner pocket, about 7 feet down that long rail.It bumped out just at the end but the apa 7 on the other team said that he had played that table and the rail is slightly defective between the last diamond and the pocket. Now I have tried a similar shot maybe twice and failed. Standing up of course I said 'well I have never made that shot but I probably never hit it hard enough and it is my only shot so I just have to do it'. I hit that sucker and it sailed perfectly down that rail to the pocket(but jumped out at the last diamond). The opposing apa7, who is pretty close to an A player, laughed and said 'If that had gone in, I would have quit pool, I had never been able to make that shot'
After the match, the higher sls on the other team congratulated me on my shooting and strategy. At this point I said, which is now my truth, 'it is no longer about sl,it is about getting good at pool'. Winning the match was only icing, playing well for me was what was important.
Well a little brag. Doesnt make me a good player yet but it did heaps for my self esteem and confidence that I can become good with more hard work and lessons.
See you all at vf on sat.
Hence the reason why spouses should not teach spouses. Too much pressure, too many problems.
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Kato:</font><hr> Hence the reason why spouses should not teach spouses. Too much pressure, too many problems.
Kato <hr /></blockquote>
Kato, I think your tag line gives a clue as to what can happen when spouses teach! LOL
~~~ but- but -but -but -but --- honey, i was only trying to help ----- WWWHAACK-- boom boom out goes the lights! /ccboard/images/graemlins/crazy.gif
03-21-2003, 11:41 AM
Wives, GFs, the end result is usually always the same,,,they'd take advice from a homeless guy living in a Frigidaire box than from you, the "other half." I have honestly had, and seen it happen to many friends/relatives...the very SAME advice you gave her from day1, be it done ever so tactfully or direct and pointed, they simply become threatened, power I assume, by that BF or husband. I gave up long ago. There are a few exceptions to the rule, but not many...sid
03-21-2003, 12:41 PM
I once had a husband-wife duo on my league team. They both thought they were really good players even though they weren't. Neither one was good at taking advice either. One night after the husband blew a match by refusing to play an alcatraz like simple safe<tried a 4 rail kick instead that missed miserably> he went and sat at the table. I asked why he didnt play the safe and get bih. His opponent came over after the match and asked the very same thing.
Needless to say he was very upset and felt like we were downing him. His wife felt the same way. In no way at all were we downing him or doubting his playing. I always encouraged my players to do their best no matter the outcome. I also told them if the situation arises to play defense.
One thing I learned is that I will never have or play on a team with a h/w or bf/gf on it again. I am in it for the fun , but I also prefer to win.
03-21-2003, 07:41 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote bluewolf:</font><hr> I was able to beat the sl4 I was playing<hr /></blockquote>Congratulations!
03-21-2003, 07:53 PM
03-22-2003, 10:29 AM
I thought I had finally found somebody I could beat. My Mistake. Candyman
03-22-2003, 11:09 AM
the wife is going to join next session, hopefully we can be civil /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif
03-23-2003, 08:33 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote wolfsburg2:</font><hr> the wife is going to join next session, hopefully we can be civil /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif <hr /></blockquote>
I am firmly convinced that you cannot judge talent in a beginner because there are so many factors like self-esteem, heart and learning style.
A very smart person who happened to be my boss said to give 4 compliments for every suggestions. Suggestions imo should be 'that is very good, I like the way you did that, some people have done it this other way, maybe while you are learning, you might want to try this' Leave it at that, dont mention it again. Let her have fun, not everybody wants to be a champ. Some just want to have a fun night out once a week.
Also although some of your ideas might be helpful, she may not be ready. My husband tried to show me english shots before I could pot with centerball, but I had enuff assertiveness to say 'get away from me with that eng stuff I am learning centerball'.
Nobody thought I had any talent. Not my husband, not my captain who said i would be an sl2 for a long time. I almost beleived their negativity. The human spirit can be so frail unless the person has steel inside of them. For every negativity, I became more determined to not only prove them wrong but to one day kick their ass, and just worked harder. Not many are like this, most are more prone to quit if they do not get a lot of encouragement.
In spite of my inner steel, I am still amazed at how I am improving now. One week before I made my last big leap, I was seriously thinking of quitting.
Wolfsburg, I think you are one of the koolest people here. If you have any other qs pm me or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. /ccboard/images/graemlins/smirk.gif Some will laugh at that addie but it depicts what I want to be, not what I think I am right now. /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif
03-24-2003, 08:47 AM
thanks for the compliment i appreciate it, and feel likewise. your depiction of most people fits the wife to a tee. she wants to be good, and gets frustrated at herself for not being as good as me. i try to explain that i play 3 times as much and when we get the table, i will be able to teach her and she will get the table time necessary to improve steadily. it will be an uphill battle, but i am sure her game will come along nicely, and it drives me to work harder to have the edge over her /ccboard/images/graemlins/smirk.gif
03-24-2003, 10:54 AM
Wolfsburg2 - The main thought when I started this thread was that it is VERY difficult to deliver a "pure" coaching message when a SO is involved - they tend to "hear" undertones or suggestions that were never consciously intended by the coach.
I think it CAN be done, but one has to be very careful - egos are much more sensitive to criticism from those who are close than from strangers, and the best intended suggestion can be perceived as a crushing criticism or a disrespect for the other's ablities.
Walt in VA
03-24-2003, 11:41 AM
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