PDA

View Full Version : Dillemma involving league team mate {long}



Ralph S.
03-23-2002, 05:07 PM
I have been debating for several weeks about making this post , but finally decided to so I can get some honest opinions and thoughts. I am a TC on a league team and my problem is that one of my team-mates is also my best friend but will not heed any advice at all from other team members or even opponents. It seems like he is always trying to make an impossible shot when he has an iron clad safety right in front of him. This has cost the team many rounds and I believe the team would be atleast two places higher in the standings. The complex part is that he has multiple-sclerosis and spent five years in a wheel chair. I greatly admire the courage on his part physically that he fought his way out of the chair and is now able to walk around the table the same as you or I do. He loves to play and has a table at his home, so he is able to practice at any given time. I know he could become a much better player if he would listen a little more often, but I have to kind of be very careful when I say something and picking the appropriate times to say anything is very difficult. I don't want to lose a friend. Any suggestions or inputwould be greatly apprecited.
Ralph S.

03-23-2002, 05:36 PM
I have a teammate much like yours in that he refuses to listen to any advice offered by his teammates. He has improved greatly over the past year that we have played together. All the same, a few of us do wonder how good he'd be if he took lessons, friendly advice or even read up a bit on the game. We decided it best to let him be since bothering him with our opinions seemed to be a short road to looking for another teammate. Every situation is different, though.

cheesemouse
03-23-2002, 07:08 PM
Ralph,
I'm not saying this is the same or even close to your dilemma but we had a guy that wouldn't pay attention and he was always missing ball-in-hand fouls. This guy could play so we made him our anchor man and he started to produce right away. Just an idea.

Doctor_D
03-23-2002, 07:29 PM
Good evening:

Maybe, at the risk of pissing someone off, you need to ask this individual whether or not he is part of the "Team" or only out for himself?

As an individual who is frequently required to working independently with my clients, there are times when I need to adapt when the project requires a team approach.

Just a Little Food for Thought!

Dr. D.

rackmup
03-23-2002, 10:45 PM
You said: "I am a TC on a league team and my problem is that one of my team-mates is also my best friend but will not heed any advice at all from other team members or even opponents."

Is your friendship and it's continued success more important than being the best team in the league? If "yes", don't worry about his abilities and have fun.

You said: "will not heed any advice at all from other team members or even opponents."

Rather than you talking to him, perhaps the other team members should approach the subject..."We know you and Ralph are best of friends so WE want to talk to you about something..."

You said: "The complex part is that he has multiple-sclerosis and spent five years in a wheel chair."

This is irrelevant. As much as you admire his progress, it doesn't negate the fact that you are competing in a league with others that may wish to win. The effort to gain a victory to get out of the wheelchair should carry over to the table.

You said: "He loves to play and has a table at his home, so he is able to practice at any given time."

Suggest he work on his safety play as the "team believes this is his weak spot."

You said: "I have to kind of be very careful when I say something and picking the appropriate times to say anything is very difficult. I don't want to lose a friend."

Why do you have to be "careful" about what you say? If the friendship is as strong as you are representing it to be, advice about playing and his commitment to the team shouldn't ruin a friendship. If it does, one (or both) of you are in error about the validity of the relationship.

Leagues are designed for fun, as a "get together" with friends and for the players very serious about winning. You need to decide where your team fits into this equation and move forward from there, even if the decisions are not popular ones.

Hope this helps a little.

Regards,

Ken (not a relationship counselor but did sleep at a Holiday Inn last night)

cuechick
03-23-2002, 11:41 PM
The most profound, thought changing thing ever said to me by a coach in a match, happened when I objected to playing a defense shot and she said, "Do you want to make the shot or do you want to win the game?" I have never forgotten that.
If there is anyway to maybe arrange a casual practice (at his house) and tell in a positive way, you admire all he has accomplished and feel he has so much potential if he would learn to put his ego aside. (All said in the nicest most encouraging way, maybe using yourself as an example, aka: "I saw my game really improve when I realized I couldn't run every table...")
I am not sure what the format of your league is, if every one plays every round or some sit out. If so, if he does not seem to want to at least try, then I would simply sit him out if it is a key game. I think the firendship is the most important thing...it is only a league and only a game. I think encouraging him though may go further and maybe finding a good tape with a great defensive match you can lend to him might help. I'd try and instill that pool is a chess match and making great shots is often a sell out.
Good Luck!

03-24-2002, 10:58 AM
I have other things to post on this later but I'll go to the solution before the analogy portion here. Try this(think about it regardless), get with your team mates and get them all to agree that there is going to be a majority(rigged) vote on a new policy. The policy is that the low man each week has to by the team a round of drinks, and I am inlcuding Crown Royal in this. What you'll force is desire to not get stuck after a few of these events, and you'll either wise the guy up to playing smart pool or order to keep his wallet protected or else he'll sideline himeself. Thing is that you are in a spot with your friendship and you really do need to be carefull in how you talk to him(sorry rackmup, I have to sort of disagree with you.) I have a few REALLY sorrowful memories of team mates who were genuine, good friends who I ran off rather rudely just trying to make a team stat happen. I sure wish I could turn back time on those events, it wasn't worth it.

If the majority does agree to "squeeze" your friend into "thinking" when he plays by using the low man buys drinks, then you will at least have something in the works. Right now I imagine you feel rather stressed and helpless...sid~~~been where you are, and don't captain any more

rackmup
03-25-2002, 07:44 AM
Great idea Sid!

Perhaps I should have re-evaluated my "game plan" when dealing with friends.

Regards,

Ken (friendless to this day)

03-25-2002, 12:24 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote: Ralph:</font><hr>The complex part is that he has multiple-sclerosis and spent five years in a wheel chair. I greatly admire the courage on his part physically that he fought his way out of the chair and is now able to walk around the table the same as you or I do. He loves to play and has a table at his home, so he is able to practice at any given time. <hr></blockquote>

If you can't say something to him as your friend because he has MS, then I don't think you're doing him any favors. Talk to him. Say something to him. Don't let the MS be an excuse. The fact that he has "courage" and is playing and improving tells me that he's not letting it be an excuse either.

I'm not going to do a "holier than thou", but I'll tell you what I do. Regardless of how they take it, it gets the desired results. If I would have rather him do something else, I say "I liked..." such and such a shot/pattern. That way, hopefully the continued discussion doesn't start off with one person on the defensive.

Fred

phil in sofla
03-25-2002, 05:48 PM
Tough situation-- good luck with it!

One thing that prevented me from playing safe over taking difficult shots is that I just didn't see the safe or semi-safe (where the opponent can see the ball, but it is a tough make or tough to get shape if he gets the make) opportunities. To my great benefit, my teammates looked out for me (and the match), and would call a timeout if I didn't when I was looking like I was lining up a circus shot instead of trying the safe opportunity they thought was a better chance.

So, maybe this is already being done without success, but if not, you as captain call a timeout if he's in that situation, to point out whatever easy safety shot you see. While I guess you can't make him shoot it as you'd suggest, at least you could directly point out the chances to a) win the game after the safe, and b) the chances of selling out the game if he misses. Try to appeal to the logic of your position, and see if that doesn't make a difference in a game situation. Hopefully, given the comparison, he may say 'I guess you're right' and take the higher percentage play.

Another possibility is that he doesn't feel comfortable or able to bring the soft hit, thin hit, or whatever speed is necessary to make the safe, and thinks the safety attempt is as likely or more likely to result in a sell out as a tough shot would. If that's the case, and it might even be true, maybe somehow working on safeties in practice as a team or individually with him would create the confidence he lacks for trying safeties. You could play games where the way you score points is by safeing the opponent, and/or the opponent failing to get a good hit off the safety.

Buddy Hall has a tape, 'How do you win from here?,' which is mainly about safes, and might show the guy how even players with far more offensive game than he has still think defensively, and consider THAT a key to winning.

Lastly, you may have some power of the lineup that could help make your point, should all else fail. (Not always, if you have just the minimum group required for the way your matches go. But if you have 'spare' players, having him sit a bit at times might help change his thinking, if he knows why you're doing it.

03-26-2002, 03:09 PM
Ken has no friends. Ken should not be responding to posts on how to deal with friends. Bad Ken.

rackmup
03-26-2002, 05:43 PM
Will you be my friend? Anonymous friends are what I have now so you would fit right in.

Regards,

Friendless Ken