View Full Version : Jokes, Miscellaneous

04-17-2003, 11:14 AM
Miscellaneous Joke Thread

04-17-2003, 11:18 AM
Some things to try:

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Dont disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks youto do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in".
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks, Once everyone has gotten over their caffine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. Finishing all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy"
7. Dont use any punctuation marks.
8. As often as possible skip instead of walk.
9. Ask people what gender they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
10. Specify that your drive-through order is to go.
11. Sing along at the opera.
12. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems dont rhyme.
13. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle music all day.
14. 5 days inadvance, tell your friends you cant attend their party cuz your not in the mood.
15. Insist your coworkers addres you by your wrestling name, Rock hard Lea.
16. When the money comes out at the ATM, scream' I WON! I WON!. 3RD TIME THIS WEEK".
17. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives, theyre loose!"
18. Tell youre children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go".

08-09-2003, 10:15 PM
A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter.

Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day.

Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife a e-mail back in Minneapolis.

However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address, and sent the e-mail without realizing his error. In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral.

He was a minister of many years who had been 'called home to glory' following a heart attack.

The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the floor.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
From: Your Departed Husband
Subject: I've Arrived!

I've just arrived and have been checked in.

I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. - Sure is hot down here.