View Full Version : The Mammogram

04-27-2003, 05:46 PM
This is an x-ray that has it's own name because no one wants to actually say the word breast.

Mammograms require your breast to do gymnastics. If you have extremely agile breasts, you should do just fine. Most breasts, however, pretty much hang around doing nothing in particular, so they are woefully unprepared! But you can prepare for a mammogram right in the privacy of your own home using these three simple exercises.

Exercise #1 - Refrigerate two bookends overnight. Lay one of your breasts(either side will do) between the two bookends and smash the bookends together as hard as you can...Repeat three times daily

Exercise #2 - Locate a pasta maker or an old ringer washer. Feed the breasts into the machine and begin cranking... Repeat twice daily

Exercise #3 - (Advanced) Situate yourself comfortably on your side on the garage floor. Place one of your breasts snugly behind the rear tire of the family van. When you are ready, give the signal to your "significant other", and have them slowly ease the car into reverse. Hold for five seconds. Repeat on other side.

I wanted to do this with my wife to help her get ready, only now she says that I'm married to a nun. Nun in the morning and nun in the evening either.