View Full Version : Another joke or two...

05-11-2003, 11:57 AM

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender:
"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"!

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet and in a very deep,
husky voice, the woman next to him says: "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair - given that you are blind - that you should know five things .....

1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 120kg blonde woman with a black belt in
4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a
professional weightlifter.
5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional

Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and

"Nah... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

05-11-2003, 12:02 PM
One day George W. Bush and Dick Cheney walk into a diner. A waitress walks up to them and asks if she can take their order. Bush leans close to her and says, "Honey, can I have a quickie?"
The waitress is appalled and yells at the President about women's rights and storms away...

Cheney then says to Bush, "George, its pronounced 'quiche'."

05-11-2003, 12:03 PM
A man sat at a local bar and said, "This is a special day, I'm celebrating."
"What a coincidence," said the woman next to him. I'm celebrating, too" she replied, clinking glasses with him. "What are your celebrating?"
"I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."
"What a coincidence, the woman said. For my husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!
How did your chickens become fertile?" she asked.
"I switched cocks," he replied.
"What a coincidence," she said.

05-11-2003, 05:05 PM
Now that I have wiped the tears out of my eyes...........

Why did the blonde have a sore belly button?
Her boyfriend was also a blonde.

What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around.

What is the similarity between santa, a smart blonde, and the tooth fairy?
Their all make believe.

What do you call a blonde with a half brain?

05-11-2003, 05:07 PM
Oh yeah,

Did you hear about the blonde who broke her arm?

She was raking leaves when she fell out of a tree.

05-12-2003, 11:23 AM

"Why did the blonde have a sore belly button?
Her boyfriend was also a blonde." lol

05-12-2003, 11:24 AM

A drunk man who smelled like gin sat down on a subway seat next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red
lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn
coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked," Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of bath."
"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologised.
"I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

05-12-2003, 11:26 AM

It has been studied and determined that the most often used sexual position for married couples is the doggie position.
The husband sits up and begs... And the wife rolls over and plays dead.

05-13-2003, 12:00 AM
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and
help me... I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how
to get it started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He held her hand and said, "Second, I'd advise you to relax.
Let's have a cup of coffee, then ..........." he sighed,


"let's put all these Corn Flakes back in the box."

05-14-2003, 03:45 PM
One nice, sunny day a blonde was driving her convertable down a winding country road when she came upon a strange site.
A woman, also a blonde, was sitting in the middle of a plowed field, in a row-boat, rowing madly as if trying to get to the road.

The blond in the convertible slammed on her brakes and lept out of the car, stalking angrily to the side of the road and yelled
"Damnit! It's blondes like you that give all of us a bad name!....

If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your ass!"

05-15-2003, 12:37 PM