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View Full Version : Visiting the south? here are some rules



nAz
06-03-2003, 05:24 PM
got this from southern pal


If you are going to live or visit in the South, you need to know the rules. In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural Southerner's mind, the following list will be handed to each person as they enter a Southern State.

1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it or get it out of the way.

3. The red dirt - it's called clay. Red clay. If you like the color, don't wash your car for a couple weeks it'll be permanent. The big lumps of it - they're called "clods."

4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

5. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you whipped - by our women.

6. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for - bait.

7. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

8. Men, if you want to wear earrings, pierce your nose and whatevers, and wear your hair long, go right ahead, but if we call you ma'am, don't be offended.

9. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might want to ensure it's not up to your ear at the time.

10. That's right, whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.

11. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

12. Tea - yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and is sweet. You want it hot - sit it in the sun. You want it unsweetened - add a lot of water.

13. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

14. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have a quarter of a million dollar combine that we only use two weeks a year.

15. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

16. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks - because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

17. We eat dinner together with our families, we pray before we eat (yeah, even breakfast), we go to church on Wednesdays and Sundays, we go to high school football games on Friday nights, we still address our seniors with "yes, sir" and "yes, ma'am," and we sometimes still take Sunday drives around town to see friends and neighbors.

18. We don't do "hurry up" well.

19. Greens - yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt on them. You boil them with either salty fatback, bacon or a ham hock.

20. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream and carp. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

21. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 95 goes two ways - Interstate 40 goes the other two. Pick one.

22. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on them. You want to put milk and sugar on them? Then you want cream of wheat -go to Kansas. That would be I-40 West.

23. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season or dove season. Both are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before daylight at the church on either day.

24. So every person in every pickup waves? Yeah, it's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

25. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish and bothers the gators - and if you hit it in the rough, we have these things called diamondbacks, and they're not baseball players.

26. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot - his name is "Sir," no matter how young he is.

27. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them. You park your Navigator under them, and they'll leave a logo on your hood.

28. You burn an American flag in our state, you get beat up. No questions. The liberal contingent of our state legislature - all four of them - enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $2.50 fine for beating up the flag burner.

Hope you can visit real soon, now.

Sid_Vicious
06-03-2003, 06:13 PM
"4. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have a quarter of a million dollar combine that we only use two weeks a year."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear ol departed Dad had hired hands who used the dual wheeled Allison tractors as transportation to town, the wife and kids dotted all over the fenders like ornaments. These pricy pieces of farm equipment work for other things besides disc'n new ground an laying down wheat seed...sid~~~pulled many-a 16-20 hr shifts in farmin' season in his early days, REAL work in 100+ bottom land temperatures

nAz
06-06-2003, 10:12 PM
hmmm

wondering where does the south and north devide or whats considered North South now a days?? is it still at the mason dixon line of the civil war era? Pennsylvania & Delaware?

Vagabond
06-08-2003, 01:30 PM
Howdy my friend nAz,
Yes, it is still the Mason-Dixon,technically speaking.But in the recent times the lines are blured because of heavy migration( invasion) of yanks to the south including Deep south like Mississippi.Yesterday I had hair cut in Biloxi,Mississippi.The beautician told me that she is from Long island.In the pool room I hang out ,one waitress is from Boston and another one is from White plains, Ny. Our culture is eroding because of this invasion.We do not hear Sir/Ma`am much.Cheers
Vagabond /ccboard/images/graemlins/confused.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/confused.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/confused.gif

snook
06-08-2003, 02:41 PM
hmm..you say biloxi. i know thats what you typed anyway. my girlfriend is there right now, she's on a mission trip with her church, so if you see a bunch of church kids doing i dont know what. stop by and tell steph logan said hi. thank ya.

SpiderMan
06-10-2003, 01:25 PM
Anything south of Memphis is still south, but generally only if you're east of the Mississippi. All of Arkansas and Louisiana are exempted, of course, they're south. Dallas is not south, it's west. They don't make real BBQ here. And Florida is about as "south" as Los Angeles.

SpiderMan

Kato
06-10-2003, 01:43 PM
Anything south of Orlando is not south. Orlando north is really Georgia and is definitely the south.

Kato~~~lives in Lauderdale, that ain't South

Wally_in_Cincy
06-11-2003, 06:06 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Kato:</font><hr> Anything south of Orlando is not south. Orlando north is really Georgia and is definitely the south.

Kato~~~lives in Lauderdale, that ain't South <hr /></blockquote>

I've been to Ocala. You would have to consider that the south IMO

WesK
06-11-2003, 06:40 AM
Denial is strong with you young one.

Anyone with that clean a "rassling" reference in their location may not be in or from the south but definitely has a southern state of mind.

w - loves the south

Kato
06-11-2003, 07:49 AM
Wally, Ocala is definitely the south.

Kato~~~would move there.

Kato
06-11-2003, 07:53 AM
The "rasslin'" reference is sort of a joke there Wes /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif. However, in this instance you are correct. I am basically a southerner living in a non-southern location. I doubt I'll move up as far as you but within the next 5 years you could expect to call me in North or South Carolina, Tennesee, Georgia, or Kentucky.

Kato~~~knows the chances of him moving to Hamiltucky are fairly slim.

Fred Agnir
06-11-2003, 08:37 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote nAz:</font><hr> 8. Men, if you want to wear earrings, pierce your nose and whatevers, and wear your hair long, go right ahead, but if we call you ma'am, don't be offended.<hr /></blockquote>When I first started working in Tennessee, it took about a week before the guy I was working with worked up the nerve to ask, "Fred (FRAY ud), what the hell is up with the earring?" I have both ears pierced. He was wondering if when I said "wife" I really meant "husband." It seems funny in retrospect, but apparently, the entire engineering and maintenance group (about 20 all together) were all wondering. The fanny pack fad didn't help matters.

[ QUOTE ]

13. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.<hr /></blockquote>
My friends and family in middle Tennessee say "Coke" when they're talking about any carbonated soft drink. They'll say "Coca Cola" if they're talking about the dark brown stuff.

Fred

Wally_in_Cincy
06-11-2003, 09:29 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Fred Agnir:</font><hr>

..."Fred (FRAY ud),

<font color="blue">LOL, yep that is the proper pronunciation. Since southerners are rarely in a hurry they don't mind adding extra syllables /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif</font color>

My friends and family in middle Tennessee say "Coke" when they're talking about any carbonated soft drink.

<font color="blue">No, it's "sody pop" </font color>
<hr /></blockquote>

<font color="blue">Do they still make "NEHI"? </font color>

Kato
06-11-2003, 10:12 AM
Wally, Nehi is definitely from the South. I'm going to try to find some on the way to Virginia.

Kato

eg8r
06-11-2003, 10:38 AM
My favorite...

[ QUOTE ]
7. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
<hr /></blockquote>

No displays of boxer shorts or whatever else you have on under the pants. /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif

eg8r

eg8r
06-11-2003, 10:42 AM
Oh yeah, I spent 4 years in Alachua County. That is definitely the South. /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif

eg8r

eg8r
06-11-2003, 10:44 AM
And Ocala is definitely North of Orlando. /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif

I think you would have a tough time getting me to move to Ocala. /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif

eg8r

Rich R.
06-11-2003, 10:47 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Kato:</font><hr> Wally, Nehi is definitely from the South.<hr /></blockquote>
I'm not sure if Nehi was exlusive to the South. I remember it from my childhood and I grew up in Northeastern Pa.

Radar O'Rielly loved Grape Nehi. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Qtec
06-11-2003, 11:20 AM
If you want to know if you are in the south ,just head for the nearest golf course and hire a buggy. If you are in the south it wil come fitted with a gun rack. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Q

Kato
06-11-2003, 12:04 PM
Hey ya Vag. I still say "yes sir, yes maam". Voodoo told me I'm borderline redneck. He's got a point.

Kato~~~ain't no redneck but thinks being polite is an ok thing to do, 'specially for folks I respect.

WesK
06-11-2003, 02:13 PM
Hawaii -- the "real" south.