View Full Version : Lawyers & Judges

06-10-2003, 11:23 AM
Sorry if you've already seen this one!
In a small town trial, a prosecuting attorney called his
first witness to the stand. She was sworn in, asked if she would tell the
truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, on the Bible, so help her God.

The witness was a proper well-dressed elderly lady, the grandmother type,
well-spoken and poised. The prosecuting attorney approached the woman and asked,
"Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since
you were a young boy and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You
lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk badly about them behind
their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the sense to realize
you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper-pushing shyster.
Yes, I know you quite well."

The lawyer was stunned. He couldn't even think for a few minutes. He slowly
backed away, fearing the looks on the judge and jurors' faces, not to mention
the court reporter who documented every word. Not knowing what else to do, he
pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, has a bad drinking problem. The man can't
build or keep a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of
the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three
different women. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost fainted and was seen slipping downward In his
chair, looking at the floor. Laughter mixed with gasps thundered throughout the
court room and the audience was on the verge of chaos.

At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both
counselors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice said, "If either of you crooked
bastards asks her if she knows me, you'll be thrown in the jail for contempt!"

08-25-2003, 10:27 PM
An engineer dies and dutifully shows up at the Pearly Gates for admission to Heaven. St. Peter denies him entrance on the basis that heaven is not accepting any engineers. So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and he starts designing and building improvements. After a while the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls up Satan on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in Hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great! We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

"What?!" God shouts. "You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gotten down there. Send him up here."

Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here, or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"

08-26-2003, 03:07 AM



08-26-2003, 09:32 AM
LOL, Sid I love that one. There is probably a little too much truth in that joke. /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif