View Full Version : Wal-Mart's Diagnostic Computer

07-07-2003, 09:02 AM
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Ernie says to Mike behind him,
"My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's
a diagnostic computer down at Walmart. Just give it a urine sample and the
computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten
seconds and costs ten dollars...a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor."

So Ernie deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Walmart. He
deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine
sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the
computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm
water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Ernie began
wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a urine
sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and
masturbated into the mixture for good measure.

Ernie hurried back to Walmart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten
dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer
prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with antifungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.


Rich R.
07-07-2003, 09:44 AM
/ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Too funny!!!!

07-07-2003, 10:28 AM
I got that in an email a while back, it is pretty funny. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

07-07-2003, 11:03 AM
Wow, that computer is smart. It was even able to diagnose which arm had the problem. /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif


07-07-2003, 11:41 AM
Hey, that's quite a list of performance mods, but I didn't see any corresponding list of "results". How about a time slip?


07-07-2003, 05:13 PM
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha !!! Hey I was just thinking, the light bulb come on. LOL I wonder what would happen if I took in a sample of the swimming pool water after this weekend? I don't think I want to know, it might get real scary!