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Sid_Vicious
07-11-2003, 12:52 PM
For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing
with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand
just how it works.

Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman
happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes
and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she
expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the
points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed.....+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.....0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....-1
You leave the toilet seat up.....-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty.....0

When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.....-1 When the
Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom.... -2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5
In the snow .....+8
But return with beer.....-5
And no liners.....-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night.....0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing.....0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.....+5
You pummel it with a six iron.....+10
It's her cat.....-40

AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party.....0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College drinking
buddy.....-2
Named Tiffany.....-4
Tiffany is a dancer.....-10
With breast implants.....-18

HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday.....0
You buy a card and flowers.....0
You take her out to dinner.....0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar.....+1
Okay, it is a sports bar.....-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night.....-3
It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the
colors of your favorite team ...-10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a pal.....0
The pal is happily married.....+1
The pal is single.....-7
He drives a Ferrari.....-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED).....-15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie.....+2
You take her to a movie she likes.....+4
You take her to a movie you hate.....+6
You take her to a movie you like.....-2
It's called Death Cop III.....-3
Which features Cyborgs that crush human skulls.....-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....-15

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly.....-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly &exercise to get rid of it.....+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts.....-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".....-800

THE BIG QUESTION:
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding.....-10
You reply, "Where?".....-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your a$$".....-100
Any other response.....-20

COMMUNICATION:
When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression.....0
You listen, for over 30 minutes.....+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience.....+50
You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying"well, what do
you think I should do?".....-100
You have fallen asleep.....-200

ITS THAT TIME OF THE MONTH
You talk.....-100
You don't talk.....-150
You spend time with her......-200
You don't spend time with her.....-500
You seem to be enjoying yourself..-1000


GAME OVER - YOU LOSE

Kato
07-11-2003, 01:14 PM
Just as I figured, I'm deep in the red.

Kato~~~ /ccboard/images/graemlins/frown.gif

Keith Talent
07-11-2003, 02:43 PM
And it's probably even worse. Think it was John Gray, of "Mars and Venus" fame, who said, for all those thoughtful things you do: You get ONE point. Bouquet of flowers, romantic dinner, trip to Paris ... they're all worth ONE point. Talk about hopeless. Can't argue with the minuses.

How about this one:

Guy's rubbing a bottle (don't ask me why, but it had to start somewhere) and this genie pops out.

Genie says, "You get one wish."

Guy says, "Hey, what happened to the 3 wishes I'm supposed to get?

Genie: Sorry, pal. Things are tough all over.
Guy: OK, OK. Well, I can't stand flying. What I'd really like is a bridge from L.A. to Honolulu so I can drive to Hawaii.
Genie: Whoa! That's 2,000 miles! Can you imagine how tough that would be, over all that ocean? Things are kinda tight these days, can you come up with something else?

Guy: Hell, all right. Maybe you can explain to me the nature of women.

Genie: Hmmmmm .... so, how many lanes you want on that bridge?