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Sid_Vicious
07-23-2003, 09:24 AM
Rules to Enter Texas:
Applies to each person as they enter Texas.
Learn 'em & remember 'em.

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Let's get this straight! it's called a "gravel road." I drive pickup, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

3. They are cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-20 and I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.

4. So you have a $60,000 dollar car. We're impressed. We have quarter-million dollar cotton strippers that we drive 3 weeks a year.

5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

7. Yeah, we eat catfish &crawdads. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

9. We open doors for women. That is applied to everyone, regardless of age.

10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Pace Picante Sauce.

12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

13. High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a heap more fun to watch.

14. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.

15. Colleges? Try U.T. TEXAS AT AUSTIN. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.

16. We have more folks in the Navy, Army, Marines, and Air Force than any other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas." If you do, it will get your butt whipped by the best.

17. Always remember what our great governor Sam Houston once
said: "Texas can make it without the United States, but! the United States can't make it without Texas."

Ward
07-24-2003, 11:53 AM
Sid

I think they closed the border after Rackmup sneaked in....

Later

Hopster
07-24-2003, 12:14 PM
You can always tell a Texan, but you cant tell em much. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

rackmup
07-24-2003, 05:55 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Ward:</font><hr> I think they closed the border after Rackmup sneaked in....<hr /></blockquote>

I didn't sneak in! My move was announced here on the CCB for weeks prior to my crossing over the border. They did however stop me at the border checkpoint station and verified that I:

<ul type="square">
Owned a truck (even if it is a beat up old Ford.)
Had no plans of trying to "Texanize" myself by buying a pair of gawdy python boots, a white Stetson and tight Wrangler jeans.
Knew what "Howdy" meant, understood the "Waving Ordinance" and that "We don't ask for sushi and a wine cooler at any BBQ joints."
That just because people are friendly here doesn't mean they're after something that you have.
[/list]

In all honesty, this is the friendliest place I have ever lived. I have made some great friends here, one in particular. Sorry...I'm not going anywhere anytime soon (unless I'm promoted then Florida will be on "24-hour Rackmup Watch")

Regards,

Ken (like his pal in Texas but likes that redhead in Florida too)

Ward
07-25-2003, 06:32 AM
Ken

We are glad to have you in Texas....

Later

Sid_Vicious
07-25-2003, 08:27 AM
I don't know about y'all, but I feel USED! Ken, under the disguise of an everyday, chummy Texican, fluently, even flatulently capable of mimicking or state's anthem, DID smooze the border patrol by use of our influences. I still remember that late night call from the Texas border guards, disturbing me from one of my last "lucky" episodes in the sack, "Sorry to disturb you Sid(we're all on a 1st name basis in this state), but we have a foreigner who says he's a close friend of yours, wanting in. Can you vouch for him?" "Well Bubba" I said while "my Sally" was by now getting impatient and then finally dressed, "Let's restrict him to Ft Worth, uhh OK Arlington is ok I guess, until we can all determine if he's got what it takes to hang with Da' Boys in Dallas." Ken's a cagey dude,,,,gotta watch him like a hawk, we can always exile him to Oklahoma if need be I guess.

You're all right Ken, but please quit that habit of singing our states anthem with flatulent unison. Dem Arlington people might think it's cool,,,we'z too sophisticated over here in the Big "D", besides you are missing the high notes badly. Practice up wind at least...sid

SpiderMan
07-25-2003, 08:53 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote rackmup:</font><hr> <blockquote><font class="small">Quote Ward:</font><hr> I think they closed the border after Rackmup sneaked in....<hr /></blockquote>

I didn't sneak in! My move was announced here on the CCB for weeks prior to my crossing over the border. They did however stop me at the border checkpoint station and verified that I:

[LIST]
Owned a truck (even if it is a beat up old Ford.)
Had no plans of trying to "Texanize" myself by buying a pair of gawdy python boots, a white Stetson and tight Wrangler jeans.
Knew what "Howdy" meant, understood the "Waving Ordinance" <hr /></blockquote>

Close but no cigar. It's "Waving ORDNANCE", ie what we do to make a point with unwelcome would-be hitchhikers at traffic lights in south Dallas /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

SpiderMan

rackmup
07-25-2003, 11:07 AM
Ward: You are alright in my book.

Sid: YOU are a nut!

Regards,

Ken (Ward and Sid: Two of the many CCB'ers I've met here in Texas)