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Mr Ingrate
07-31-2003, 06:52 PM
A few years ago I noticed a serious problem in the pool playing fraternity. Most of my peers, myself being the lone exception, were unable to attract appropriate members of the fairer sex.

After a careful and exhaustive study requiring almost 5 minutes of intense concentration I concluded that real men type pool-players are just not attractive to real, or even fake, women. I further extrapolated that women considered them (real men not fake women) completely untrainable.

One very late league night where numerous barley derivatives were consumed, it came to me. If a woman perceived a man was a good cook, he would become a serious babe magnet.

It has taken me a number of years to bring this project to fruition. I discarded many recipes and rewrote it many times until it was distilled down to its present incoherence. A decent writer with a good editor could have churned this out in no time. Anyway, warts and all, it is now available for your perusal. Please be gentle.

You can see this work of dubious merit by clicking on the menu item on my web site (http://www.davespooltools.com), or by right clicking on this link (http://www3.telus.net/syrja/davespooltools/cook_book.pdf) and downloading it to your computer. You will need Adobe Acrobat to read the file.

By the way, the recipes are really very good.

rackmup
07-31-2003, 07:13 PM
Please mentor me! I am a real man and I do play pool and I can cook quite well but alas, no "significant other" in my life.

Am I using the wrong thickening agents in my gravy recipes? Perhaps I shouldn't cook everything in bacon fat. I own Calphalon cookware, every appliance Cuisinart makes, I grind my own coffee beans. Please! Where am I going wrong?

I quickly recognized you were a man of infinite wisdom but was in fear and awe of your greatness.

It has taken me these many months to summon the courage to ask for your guidance.

Be honest...can I be helped or will I forever serve the penance of loneliness?

Humble and eagerly listening,

Ken

Kato
07-31-2003, 08:13 PM
Hey, me to Dave. Much like Ken I'm a good cook, a better than average pool player and yet cannot seem to attract the opposite sex for longer than 2 or 3 minutes. Unlike you however I couldn't possibly concentrate for 5 minutes on this problem.

Kato~~~once in a great while will find a silly girl to go out with me for the second time. /ccboard/images/graemlins/crazy.gif

rackmup
07-31-2003, 08:16 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Kato:</font><hr> sex for longer than 2 or 3 minutes. <hr /></blockquote>

HeHe,

Ken

Kato
07-31-2003, 08:37 PM
At least you didn't laugh at me saying I was a better than average player huh /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Kato~~~is into long distances

Barbara
08-01-2003, 06:57 AM
Like I've always said, nothing's sexier than a man who can cook.

Oh, wait, maybe a man who can cook and play pool well...

Barbara /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Kato
08-01-2003, 07:03 AM
Sadly Barbara only married women and those that

are geographically undesirable feel that way. /ccboard/images/graemlins/frown.gif

Kato~~~if I couldn't cook I'd be living off McDonald's or starve to death. I however am extremely lucky as the ladies at work love me and take care of me. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Ralph S.
08-01-2003, 07:17 AM
And just what would you like me to prepare? I love to cook and yes it shows. I have also spent time as prep and grill cook for Outback Steakhouse and Texas Roadhouse among others. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Kato
08-01-2003, 07:25 AM
I don't know, I can pretty much make anything I want to. You won't catch me making a lot of stuff that catches on fire but who knows, every now and again I guess I could.

Kato~~~needs a new stove. /ccboard/images/graemlins/frown.gif

Eric.
08-01-2003, 09:22 AM
I guess I wouldn't be considered attractive.

Well, if you <font color="red">can't </font color>cook, I guess you need to improvise. Luckily, in this part of the country, there are a gadzillion restaurants representing just about every ethnic cuisine. Who needs recipes, I got a cell phone and a credit card! No muss, no fuss. Plus, instead of cleaning dishes, I'll have time for *other* distractions. /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif


Eric &gt;thanks for the recipes

Ralph S.
08-01-2003, 09:57 AM
Hey Eric, thats why the dishwasher was invented. So you can get on to them "other" distractions. /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

9 Ball Girl
08-01-2003, 10:06 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote rackmup:</font><hr> Please mentor me! I am a real man and I do play pool and I can cook quite well but alas, no "significant other" in my life.
Ken <hr /></blockquote>But you and Kato are too far away...http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/1042591480.gif

Eric.
08-01-2003, 12:54 PM
Sure, leave me with NO excuses /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif


Eric

Mr Ingrate
08-01-2003, 01:22 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote rackmup:</font><hr> Please mentor me! I am a real man and I do play pool and I can cook quite well but alas, no "significant other" in my life.

Am I using the wrong thickening agents in my gravy recipes? Perhaps I shouldn't cook everything in bacon fat. I own Calphalon cookware, every appliance Cuisinart makes, I grind my own coffee beans. Please! Where am I going wrong?

I quickly recognized you were a man of infinite wisdom but was in fear and awe of your greatness.

It has taken me these many months to summon the courage to ask for your guidance.

Be honest...can I be helped or will I forever serve the penance of loneliness?

Humble and eagerly listening,

Ken <hr /></blockquote>

Ken,

At first I was taken aback last night that a man of your infinite humor, rapier like wit, and amazing verbosity would mock an old retired man imprisoned on a Canadian island off the coast of the United States and his semi-literate attempt at satire.

I was so stunned by your sarcasm I sought solace in my last bottle of Cakebread Chardonnay. As I drank this full-bodied, expensive, but worth the money, fine wine and reread many of your previous postings I was in shock and awe at the quality of your work. But, I was puzzled also. Your reply to my post was so far below your usual effort it almost defied explanation.

As I opened the bottle of Raymond (a small winery that turns out an excellent product) I realized just what you had done and I felt ashamed for my earlier uncharitable thoughts. I apologize for not recognizing a thinly disguised, but very real, cry for help.

You are head and shoulders above the ordinary mortal but sometimes even a person of far lesser talent and intellect can be of assistance. Obviously my document didn’t hold the answer for you, yet I was honor bound to answer your plea. I determined that I needed to properly understanding the problem.

What did I know about you? You are kind, generous, trustworthy, caring of animals and children, handsome, neat, well dressed, a superior culinary artist, keep your house very tidy, and probably a better player than Kato, should we be able to address your problem. You have been in the enviable position of studying at the feet of the world’s greatest homemaker. The woman you refer to as the “Velveeta something or other”, Martha Stewart.

By this time I was well into the Villa Mt. Eden (very fresh flavor, lighter than the other Chardonnay’s). Unfortunately I nodded off, but awoke at the crack of noon. During the night my subconscious mind completed the problem definition.

Women are terrified of you because your extensive Martha Stewart type training has enabled you to compete with them on, or above, their level. In laymen’s terms you can “out-women” them. It is obvious you need to be made more amenable to them.

I resisted opening a bottle of Fetzer (wonderful taste for an inexpensive Chardonnay) as I wanted to keep a clear head. After watching an old Sienfeld rerun, the solution came loud and clear AND it only requires a minimal amount of tweaking.

1. Lay in a collection of Judy Garland and Barbara Striesand recordings.
2. Trade in the dogs for a cat named Liza.
3. Now I’m not suggesting you change your sexual orientation. Everyone knows you are a man’s man. I just saying you could make people think that your are the other kind of MAN’s man.

Woman would no longer feel threatened by you. Like Elaine, they may try to change your perceived orientation and bring you back to play on their team. Even if there isn’t an Elaine out there, there must be a “Grace” for your “Will”.

The only drawback I can see is the Gay community not realizing it is all a hoax. The influx of male suitors to Fort Worth could make “The Invasion of the Body Snatchers” seem like a fairy tale.

There is no need to thank me, I’m glad to be of assistance.

Your friend and admirer (in a manly, non-physical sort of way),

Mr Ingrate
08-01-2003, 01:25 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Kato:</font><hr> Hey, me to Dave. Much like Ken I'm a good cook, a better than average pool player and yet cannot seem to attract the opposite sex for longer than 2 or 3 minutes. Unlike you however I couldn't possibly concentrate for 5 minutes on this problem.

Kato~~~once in a great while will find a silly girl to go out with me for the second time. /ccboard/images/graemlins/crazy.gif <hr /></blockquote>

Don't worry Kato, you, unlike Ken, can be succeesfully deprogrammed. Once you have completed your deprogramming, a voodoo spell and a re-read of my document will complete the transformation.

Mr Ingrate
08-01-2003, 01:49 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Eric.:</font><hr> I guess I wouldn't be considered attractive.

Well, if you <font color="red">can't </font color>cook, I guess you need to improvise. Luckily, in this part of the country, there are a gadzillion restaurants representing just about every ethnic cuisine. Who needs recipes, I got a cell phone and a credit card! No muss, no fuss. Plus, instead of cleaning dishes, I'll have time for *other* distractions. /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif


Eric &gt;thanks for the recipes <hr /></blockquote>

Not attractive? You've obviously got money which makes you attractive.

Eric.
08-01-2003, 03:02 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Mr Ingrate:</font><hr>
Not attractive? You've obviously got money which makes you attractive. <hr /></blockquote>


As far as I know, there weren't any Chinese Rockefellers! I work for a living /ccboard/images/graemlins/blush.gif


Eric &gt;9 to 5 or more like 8 to 7

rackmup
08-01-2003, 05:34 PM
With that post, you have outmatched any feeble attempt at humor that I could possibly muster.

LMAO!

Regards,

Ken

Cueless Joey
08-01-2003, 05:41 PM
I don't need to cook.
These two cook for me. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif http://www.sromagazine.com/models/remix/remix20.jpg

Kato
08-01-2003, 07:06 PM
Do they have any sisters? /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

Kato~~~Come to Butthead. I have seen the top of the mountain...........and it is good /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

JPB
08-02-2003, 06:27 PM
I am married and have, in my past, even had reasonably attractive girlfriends to bring into poolhalls. I am no babe magnet or anything though. Just kinda normal probably. And I know some babes even play pool now, and can get along with the usual suspects. That said, if you look around a poolroom, it is no wonder why guys who hang in poolhalls don't attract babes in droves. Because if you are spending a lot of time in poolhalls it means you are hanging with the other degenerates and are interested in playing pool and having a good time with the boys. When I look at some of the crap I did with the pool hall crew, I am shocked I ever could even get a girlfriend, let alone bring a girlfriend to the poolhall. Jeez, when I look back on that crew - chain smoking degenerate gamblers with no money talking about the crudest stuff then going to get drunk. Yeah, that will sure attract the babes. LOL Man I had a good time doing that. /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif