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Pops Red
08-28-2003, 06:40 PM
" <font color="red">DVDs are for losers</font color> "

Good movies are like good sex -- and resale-happy Hollywood has long since gone frigid.

Editor's note: HBO's "Real Time With Bill Maher" airs Friday nights at 11 p.m. EDT and is repeated throughout the week. This is adapted from the "New Rules" segment of the show.

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By Bill Maher

Aug. 28, 2003

New rule: DVDs are for losers. Hey, why pay $9 to watch garbage in a crowded theater when you can pay 24 bucks and actually own that garbage? After all, "Kangaroo Jack" is the kind of film you need to see 10 or 12 times before you really "get it." Be honest, you're not a cinephile, you're a dateless 30-year-old watching "Die Another Day" in your basement.

DVDs, you see, are evil because they now account for over half the money Hollywood makes, and they're all bought by the young, dumb, car-crash-loving male demographic, the same one that's given us MAXIM magazine, attention deficit disorder and George Bush. Also, since the little teenage darlings who control all media are not old enough to see R-rated movies, our entire culture is now PG-13 -- the kind of blanded-down mush designed to be as inoffensive as possible to the widest group possible, the same theory that made airline food what it is today. And that's what movies are now: airline food.

I know it's the summer, but still: I went to see "Bad Boys II" and the THX "Quiet, the audience is listening" trailer had a more believable plot. Movies used to come from novels; now they come from video games. But it didn't used to be like this.

When I was 12 years old, Hollywood didn't give a damn about me -- and that was good! Good for the movies and good for me because I was challenged to stretch -- to smarten up instead of dumb down. Besides ruining movies, we've ruined our kids by making everything about them, and now if I want to see a movie I had better like loud noises, things blowing up and Colin Farrell.

Movies suck because Hollywood figured out that Mom and Dad don't spend their money on movies anymore, they give their money to their kids and they spend it on movies -- to break up their shopping spree at the mall. It's like American parents are on one long date with their kids -- no, it's even worse, it's like Robert DeNiro in "Casino," helplessly trying to buy the love of a shopaholic hooker with no heart, played of course by Sharon Stone.

Before I die, could someone please make one more movie I want to go out and see? I'm not asking for the moon here, and I'm not some film snob with a ponytail who only likes subtitled Albanian documentaries. But to middle-aged people like myself, a good movie is like good sex --- you don't have to put one out every day -- but when whole seasons go by, you do get a little horny for entertainment.


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Bill Maher is the host of "Real Time With Bill Maher."

Rod
08-28-2003, 09:17 PM
ha ha ha, I like that guy. We think somewhat alike, however I wouldn't pay 9 bucks to see a movie let alone 24 bucks to own the piece of crap. I mean how many times are you going to watch the dam thing. LOL

If the film industry depended on people like me for their paycheck, they would all be busted. Guaranteed /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif Hell I'll even give 8 to 5 on that one. What not enough, OK I'll give ten to 1. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Heck OLE Bill may not have a job either because of people like me, I mean what all is he going to talk about.

Rod


On another note,

Text-messaging teens make or break movies


Hollywood's failure to create a blockbuster this year is being blamed on young fingertips.
Instead of considering poor script quality or bad acting for the fate of The Hulk and Gigli, some movie house executives are pointing at text-messaging teens.

The problem, they say, is that the little rascals are instantly messaging their friends about new releases, sometimes from right inside theaters using their cellphones.

Five years ago, it took weeks of bad reviews and word of mouth to produce a multimillion-dollar flop. Back then, the average audience drop-off between a movie's opening and second weekend was 40 percent. This summer, it has been 51 percent.

Word about bad movies gets out so quickly that expensive promotions and advertising are being rendered useless, movie executives complained to the Los Angeles Times.