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09-23-2003, 06:54 PM
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TomBrooklyn
10-02-2003, 01:52 AM
Subject: Fwd: Educating your child about AMERICAN
FOREIGN POLICY

Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?
A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction.

Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction.
A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.

Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?
A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.

Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any
weapons of mass
destruction, did we?
A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden.
Don't worry, we'll
find something, probably right before the 2004
election.

Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass
destruction?
A: To use them in a war, silly.

Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that
they planned to use
in a war, then why didn't they use any of those
weapons when we went to
war with them?
A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know
they had those
weapons, so they chose to die by the thousands rather
than defend
themselves.

Q: That doesn't make sense. Why would they choose to
die if they had
all those big weapons with which they could have
fought back?
A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make
sense.

Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had
any of those
weapons our government said they did.
A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not
they had those
weapons. We had another good reason to invade them
anyway.

Q: And what was that?
A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass
destruction, Saddam Hussein
was a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to
invade another
country.

Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK
to invade his
country?
A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.

Q: Kind of like what they do in China?
A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good
economic
competitor, where millions of people work for slave
wages in sweatshops to
make
U.S. corporations richer.

Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for
American corporate
gain, it's a good country, even if that country
tortures people?
A: Right.

Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?
A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the government. People who
criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and tortured.

Q: Isn't that what happens in China?
A: I told you, China is different.

Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?
A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath
party, while China
is Communist.

Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?
A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.

Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?
A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the
government in Cuba are
sent to prison and tortured.

Q: Like in Iraq?
A: Exactly
Q: And like in China, too?
A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor.
Cuba, on the other
hand, is not.

Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?
A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960's, our
government passed some
laws that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do
any business
with Cuba until they stopped being Communists and
started being
capitalists like us.

Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade
with Cuba, and
started doing business with them, wouldn't that help
the Cubans become
capitalists?
A: Don't be a smart-ass.

Q: I didn't think I was being one.
A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of
religion in Cuba.

Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?
A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China.
Anyway, Saddam
Hussein came to power through a military coup, so he's
not really a
legitimate leader anyway.

Q: What's a military coup?
A: That's when a military general takes over the
government of a
country by force, instead of holding free elections
like we do in the
United
States.

Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a
military coup?
A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he
did, but Pakistan is
our friend now.

Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is
illegitimate?
A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.

Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to
power by
forcibly overthrowing the legitimate government of a
nation is an
illegitimate
leader?
A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend
because he
helped us invade Afghanistan.

Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?
A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.

Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?
A: On September 11th, nineteen men - fifteen of them
Saudi Arabians
-hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into
buildings, killing
over 3,000 Americans.

Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?
A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under
the oppressive
rule of the Taliban.

Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who
chopped off
people's heads and hands?
A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did
they chop off
people's heads and hands, but they oppressed women,
too.

Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43
million dollars
in May of 2001?
A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did
such a good job
fighting drugs.

Q: Fighting drugs?
A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping
people from growing
opium poppies.

Q: How did they do such a good job?
A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium
poppies, the Taliban
would have their hands and heads cut off.

Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and
hands for growing
flowers, that was OK, but not if they cut people's
heads and hands off
for other reasons?
A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic
fundamentalists cut off
people's hands for growing flowers, but it's cruel if
they cut off people's
hand for stealing bread.

Q: Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in
Saudi Arabia?
A: That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a
tyrannical patriarchy
that oppressed women and forced them to wear burqas
whenever they were
in public, with death by stoning for those who didn't
comply.

Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas, too?
A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic
body covering.

Q: What's the difference?
A: It's a modest yet fashionable garment that covers
all of a woman's
body except for her eyes and fingers. The burqa is an
evil tool of
patriarchal oppression that covers all of a woman's
body except for her
eyes
and fingers.

Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different
name.
A: Now don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi
Arabia. The Saudis are
our friends.

Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on
September 11th were
from Saudi Arabia.
A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.

Q: Who trained them?
A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.

Q: Was he from Afghanistan?
A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia, too, but he was a
very bad man.

Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.
A: Only when we helped him and the Mujahadeen repel
the Soviet invasion
of Afghanistan back in the 1980's.

Q: Wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980's?
A: Well, yeah. For a while.

Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?
A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran,
which made him
our friend, temporarily.

Q: Why did that make him our friend?
A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.

Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?
A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the
time, we looked
the other way to show him we were his friend.

Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically becomes our
friend?
A: Most of the time.

Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically an
enemy?
A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations can profit
by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the better.

Q: Why?
A: Because war is good for the economy, which means
war is good for
America. Also, since God is on America's side, anyone
who opposes war is a
godless un-American Communist. Do you understand now
why we attacked
Iraq?

Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us
to, right?
A: Yes.

Q: But how did we know what God wanted?
A: Because God speaks to George W. Bush and tells him
what to do.

Q: So basically, we attacked Iraq because George W.
Bush hears voices
in his head?
A. Ah! You finally understand how the world works. Now
go to sleep.

Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?
A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction.

Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction.
A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.

Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?
A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.

Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any
weapons of mass
destruction, did we?
A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden.
Don't worry, we'll
find something, probably right before the 2004
election.

Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass
destruction?
A: To use them in a war, silly.

Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that
they planned to use
in a war, then why didn't they use any of those
weapons when we went to
war with them?
A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know
they had those
weapons, so they chose to die by the thousands rather
than defend
themselves.

Q: That doesn't make sense. Why would they choose to
die if they had
all those big weapons with which they could have
fought back?
A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make
sense.

Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had
any of those
weapons our government said they did.
A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not
they had those
weapons. We had another good reason to invade them
anyway.

Q: And what was that?
A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass
destruction, Saddam Hussein
was a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to
invade another
country.

Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK
to invade his
country?
A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.

Q: Kind of like what they do in China?
A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good
economic
competitor, where millions of people work for slave
wages in sweatshops to
make
U.S. corporations richer.

Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for
American corporate
gain, it's a good country, even if that country
tortures people?
A: Right.

Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?
A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the government. People who
criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and tortured.

Q: Isn't that what happens in China?
A: I told you, China is different.

Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?
A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath
party, while China
is Communist.

Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?
A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.

Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?
A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the
government in Cuba are
sent to prison and tortured.

Q: Like in Iraq?
A: Exactly
Q: And like in China, too?
A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor.
Cuba, on the other
hand, is not.

Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?
A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960's, our
government passed some
laws that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do
any business
with Cuba until they stopped being Communists and
started being
capitalists like us.

Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade
with Cuba, and
started doing business with them, wouldn't that help
the Cubans become
capitalists?
A: Don't be a smart-ass.

Q: I didn't think I was being one.
A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of
religion in Cuba.

Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?
A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China.
Anyway, Saddam
Hussein came to power through a military coup, so he's
not really a
legitimate leader anyway.

Q: What's a military coup?
A: That's when a military general takes over the
government of a
country by force, instead of holding free elections
like we do in the
United
States.

Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a
military coup?
A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he
did, but Pakistan is
our friend now.

Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is
illegitimate?
A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.

Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to
power by
forcibly overthrowing the legitimate government of a
nation is an
illegitimate
leader?
A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend
because he
helped us invade Afghanistan.

Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?
A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.

Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?
A: On September 11th, nineteen men - fifteen of them
Saudi Arabians
-hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into
buildings, killing
over 3,000 Americans.

Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?
A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under
the oppressive
rule of the Taliban.

Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who
chopped off
people's heads and hands?
A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did
they chop off
people's heads and hands, but they oppressed women,
too.

Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43
million dollars
in May of 2001?
A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did
such a good job
fighting drugs.

Q: Fighting drugs?
A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping
people from growing
opium poppies.

Q: How did they do such a good job?
A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium
poppies, the Taliban
would have their hands and heads cut off.

Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and
hands for growing
flowers, that was OK, but not if they cut people's
heads and hands off
for other reasons?
A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic
fundamentalists cut off
people's hands for growing flowers, but it's cruel if
they cut off people's
hand for stealing bread.

Q: Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in
Saudi Arabia?
A: That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a
tyrannical patriarchy
that oppressed women and forced them to wear burqas
whenever they were
in public, with death by stoning for those who didn't
comply.

Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas, too?
A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic
body covering.

Q: What's the difference?
A: It's a modest yet fashionable garment that covers
all of a woman's
body except for her eyes and fingers. The burqa is an
evil tool of
patriarchal oppression that covers all of a woman's
body except for her
eyes
and fingers.

Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different
name.
A: Now don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi
Arabia. The Saudis are
our friends.

Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on
September 11th were
from Saudi Arabia.
A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.

Q: Who trained them?
A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.

Q: Was he from Afghanistan?
A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia, too, but he was a
very bad man.

Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.
A: Only when we helped him and the Mujahadeen repel
the Soviet invasion
of Afghanistan back in the 1980's.

Q: Wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980's?
A: Well, yeah. For a while.

Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?
A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran,
which made him
our friend, temporarily.

Q: Why did that make him our friend?
A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.

Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?
A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the
time, we looked
the other way to show him we were his friend.

Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically becomes our
friend?
A: Most of the time.

Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically an
enemy?
A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations can profit
by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the better.

Q: Why?
A: Because war is good for the economy, which means
war is good for
America. Also, since God is on America's side, anyone
who opposes war is a
godless un-American Communist. Do you understand now
why we attacked
Iraq?

Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us
to, right?
A: Yes.

Q: But how did we know what God wanted?
A: Because God speaks to George W. Bush and tells him
what to do.

Q: So basically, we attacked Iraq because George W.
Bush hears voices
in his head?
A. Ah! You finally understand how the world works. Now
go to sleep.