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View Full Version : The ULTIMATE pool workout routine video!



rackmup
04-11-2002, 09:03 AM
Greetings,

While some claim to have a "routine" that improves your game, increases the power of your break and aids in runouts, the consumer must be very careful and weary of these claims. Some of them are promoted by unscrupulous hucksters working from a "phone room", offering nothing but useless drivel to the unsuspecting pool playing public. A lot of these "enterprises" are operated from Federal Prisons across the United States with some of the proceeds being sent overseas to radical militant pool playing TAP/APA League Operators.

DON'T BE SUCKED INTO THIS TRAP!

Out of my LOVE for the game, a LUST for cash and in conjunction with Martha "the Springtime Yellow Widow" Stewart and the RACKMUP video production team, we are pleased to offer...



<blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr>THE ULTIMATE POOL WORKOUT VIDEO

In this video, I will show you how to:

INCREASE YOUR BREAKING POWER THROUGH BEER BOTTLE LIFTING EXCERCISES!

INCREASE CALF AND THIGH SIZE THROUGH THE USE OF MY "FREQUENT TRIPS TO THE RESTROOM" CARDIO ROUTINE!

INCREASE YOUR HEART AND WAIST SIZE BY FOLLOWING MY HIGH CHOLESTEROL DEEP FRIED FOODS DIET!

INCREASE YOUR FOCUS BY DECREASING YOUR INHIBITIONS THROUGH ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION!

POCKET FOUR OR MORE BALLS ON EVERY BREAK THROUGH THE IMPLEMENTATION OF MY PATENTED "DISTRACT YOUR OPPONENT AND CHEAT" METHODS!

HOW TO GAMBLE AND WIN USING MONEY EARNED FROM DIFFERENT PROVEN PYRAMID SCHEMES!

DIFFERENT METHODS OF CROSS-THREADING THE SHAFT ON YOUR OPPONENT'S CUE.

WOOFING: "BAD MANNERS OR SMART TACTICS." BE KNOWN AS THE BIGGEST MOUTH IN YOUR POOL ROOM!

There is so much more! Just send $39.95 to:

Big Mouth Productions
PO Box 14:1
Mansfield, Texas 76063

or call:
1-800-BIG-MOUTH (9am-7pm EST)

Also available at our website:

www.marthastewartvideos.com

<font color=red>And if that isn't enough! The first 100 customers receive</font color=red>:

A signed, "Limited Edition" autographed photograph of "Patrick" and his "Dancing to the MIZ" music video!

A set of Martha Stewart wine glasses, acid-etched with a picture of Martha playing 9-ball!

A copy of the new release: "The Miz sings Sinatra's Greatest Tunes" on cassette or CD.

Act now as quantities are limited!<hr></blockquote>


PROCEEDS

(a very small portion of the proceeds from the sales of this video will be donated to: "The Enron Employees Unemployment Fund", "The Arthur Anderson Legal Defense Fund" and "The Re-Elect Bill Clinton Campaign" The bulk of the proceeds will aid in the "administrative costs" of operating the Martha Stewart/Rackmup Pool Videos website and the salary of it's President &amp; CEO, Ken Kingan.)

LEGAL DISCLAIMER

Martha Stewart, Rackmup Video Productions, The Miz Musical Corporation and their affiliates assume no liability for products ordered and not received. Due to the nature of the limited quantities of the products/services promoted above, some items may be replaced with "The Partridge Family Sings Christmas Tunes" videos or Cadbury Creme Filled Chocolate Easter Eggs. No refunds or exchanges. The reproduction of the advertised videos, without express written permission of Martha Stewart/Rackmup Enterprises and Major League Baseball is STRICTLY PROHIBITED. Deposits are insured by the FDIC. Do not take merchandise into the dressing rooms and please exercise extreme caution when operating heavy farm equipment while under the influence of intoxicating liquor. Martha Stewart in NO way endorses the act of premarital sex UNLESS performed as a part of a religious cult sex ceremony AND in the presence of our Video Production Staff.
(For more information on the purchase of "Martha Stewart Pre-Marital Sex Soft Porn Videos", please visit our website, www.marthastewartgetsfreaky.com (http://www.marthastewartgetsfreaky.com))

Regards,

Ken

04-11-2002, 10:31 AM
Ken...Martha Stewart doing "soft" porn...How obnoxious! At least she could get 'down and dirty'! LOL You are a crackup! ROTFLMAO!!! BTW, is there a discount for volume purchase? LOL

Scott Lee

Barbara
04-11-2002, 11:35 AM
Ken,

Is it true Scott Lee has a cameo in Martha's video???

Barbara

04-11-2002, 02:46 PM
Laughing out loud....

Repeatedly.....

04-11-2002, 03:32 PM
Hey Man,

Your killing me! Good stuff. Normally, I pass on these offers, BUT the autographed Patrick photo got my attention- Based on Pat's numbers, I'll be able to sell that treasure for approx. $335,000.65 US next month, which would let me pay off my house and live a better lifestyle!

Eric &gt;selling stocks to buy Patrick autographs

04-11-2002, 03:36 PM

Patrick
04-11-2002, 04:36 PM
Why do you make fun of me all the time?

Patrick

04-11-2002, 05:07 PM
If you are trying to be the #1 a$$hole on this message board than congratulations, you have accomplished your goal. You must be proud.

Tom_In_Cincy
04-11-2002, 05:11 PM
Before
http://www.power90.com/power90/images/t_doug_before.jpg
after
http://www.power90.com/power90/images/t_doug_after.jpg

Barbara
04-11-2002, 05:45 PM

jjinfla
04-11-2002, 06:07 PM
Ken, After reading your post, and rolling on the floor, I feel I must be missing something for not having read any of Patrick's posts for some time now. And I think Tom in Cincy has his before and after pictures reversed for someone who signs up for your plan. Jake

Rod
04-11-2002, 06:19 PM
Yes Jake I believe you are correct. I know some players that "must" have bought his tape. Although they never said so personally! One other thing, I know they don't subscribe to "The Health Journal"

rackmup
04-11-2002, 08:03 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote: Anonymous:</font><hr> If you are trying to be the #1 a$$hole on this message board than congratulations, you have accomplished your goal. You must be proud. <hr></blockquote>

Mr. Anonymous,

I cannot tell you how flattered I am that you wish to bestow the [censored] AWARD upon me. I am truly humbled.

But I am sorry, I cannot accept it. After reading your post, I'm afraid I am a distant second place to you.

Regards,

Ken

rackmup
04-11-2002, 08:06 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote: Patrick:</font><hr> Why do you make fun of me all the time?

Patrick
<hr></blockquote>

Because you make it easy?

Seriously, I am not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you.

Regards,

Ken (thinks Patrick has his place in the food chain)

Ralph S.
04-12-2002, 02:03 AM
Please, you're killing me. Ohhhhhhhhhh this is too damned hillarious. You have one helluva an imagination and-or alot of free time on your hands. Keep it coming. LMAO!!!!
Ralph S.
Ralph S.&gt;still trying to get up from the floor

04-12-2002, 04:13 AM
I think your own poll told us. LOL That was a great move. I guess you thought you were losing your ranking. There is no-one else that is even in the picture. You are the #1 a$$hole all by yourself.

rackmup
04-12-2002, 06:08 AM
I learned a long time ago that if you cannot laugh at yourself or place yourself in the position of being ridiculed, you are living a fairly isolated existence (somewhat like you are probably living.)

I read through the posts and the responses to mine and find that YOU are the only one labeling me an "[censored]."

Let's see...let the CCB regulars decide who should go, regular posters or the "anonymous" doorbell ringers.



Regards,

Ken (going fishing for the weekend)

rackmup
04-12-2002, 08:29 AM
Let me say, not all "anonymous" posters are bad. Those that choose to remain anonymous for whatever reasons BUT whose posts are informative, humorous, insightful, etc. are more than welcome here IMO. Also, I am no one to be determining who posts here. I truly don't care because, after all, some of the ramblings of the anonymous ones are funny and they offer a peek into the dark void that exists between their ears.

The "invivible ones" that blow in, raise hell, leave the toilet seat up and don't flush are the ones I'm referring to.

Regards,

Ken (clarifying for the purpose of clarification in the event I failed to clarify in the poll post)

04-12-2002, 08:54 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote: rackmup:</font><hr> &lt;blockquote&gt;&lt;font class="small"&gt;Quote: Patrick:&lt;/font&gt;&lt;hr&gt; Why do you make fun of me all the time?

Patrick
&lt;hr&gt;&lt;/blockquote&gt;

Because you make it easy?

Seriously, I am not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you.

Regards,

Ken (thinks Patrick has his place in the food chain) <hr></blockquote>

I'll say this much, some of the sh!t that comes out of Patrick's mouth is hilarious! It reminds me of when I was his age and thought I might be able to levitate... Although that was the Seventies,my teen years. You know, Sex,DRUGS &amp; etc. Maybe he's experimenting with the same stuff. I just hope for his sake that fun is fun, but sooner or later, you have to come back to Earth. Anyway Ken, you're a piece of work, stay cool, enjoy life.

Eric &gt;Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

rackmup
04-12-2002, 10:25 AM
Patrick is probably like one of those guys that gets dismissed by his peers as "wierd", then, at his 20 year class reunion, he pulls up in a Lamborghini Diablo, wearing an Armani suit, sporting a Rolex President, tan, buff and worth a few million.

Everyone is amazed, shocked, mad and most of all...jealous.

Regards,

Ken (Patrick...just joking man...let me know when you get those millions. I could use a loan.)

04-12-2002, 10:56 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote: rackmup:</font><hr> Patrick is probably like one of those guys that gets dismissed by his peers as "wierd", then, at his 20 year class reunion, he pulls up in a Lamborghini Diablo, wearing an Armani suit, sporting a Rolex President, tan, buff and worth a few million.

Everyone is amazed, shocked, mad and most of all...jealous.

Regards,

Ken (Patrick...just joking man...let me know when you get those millions. I could use a loan.) <hr></blockquote>

Ken,
You're right about that. Two words:

Bill Gates

E

04-12-2002, 12:05 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote: Patrick:</font><hr> Why do you make fun of me all the time?

Patrick
<hr></blockquote>

too much idle time on their hands Patrick with not enough substance in their lives.

rackmup
04-12-2002, 12:13 PM
Anonymous,

I'm so glad you found Patrick. He needed a friend and I'm assuming by your selection, you did too.

Start out slow...the relationship between someone who is "anonymous" and someone who is "from another place" (and I don't mean just around the corner) could be a difficult one.

I would suggest you ease into it by meeting somewhere public for coffee, then venture out for a few games of pool. After getting to know each other a little better, then sleepovers and the sharing of your "Power Ranger" pajamas can begin.

I'm not suggesting anything sexual here. That would be TOO ODD.

Good luck!

Ken

04-12-2002, 12:33 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote: rackmup:</font><hr> Anonymous,

I'm so glad you found Patrick. He needed a friend and I'm assuming by your selection, you did too.

Start out slow...the relationship between someone who is "anonymous" and someone who is "from another place" (and I don't mean just around the corner) could be a difficult one.

I would suggest you ease into it by meeting somewhere public for coffee, then venture out for a few games of pool. After getting to know each other a little better, then sleepovers and the sharing of your "Power Ranger" pajamas can begin.

I'm not suggesting anything sexual here. That would be TOO ODD.

Good luck!

Ken <hr></blockquote>

It's not that I agree with Patrick,Ken.It's just that your babble is boring.

rackmup
04-12-2002, 05:14 PM
Look...when I left playpool.com, I knew you would try to follow me. I thought I ditched you but I guess I wasn't quick enough. Why don't you go home? And if my "babble" is so boring to you, why do you read and respond to it?

The truth is...you like me. But I have to tell you...Ken doesn't swing that way.

But I do enjoy your "drivel" (even more boring than my "Babble".)

Have a nice day whoever you are.

Regards,

Ken

rackmup
04-12-2002, 05:19 PM
One other thing Skippy (my new name for you. I'm bored with babbling to "anonymous), you are WAY behind in the polls.

Regards,

Ken

04-12-2002, 10:02 PM
Ken,
Ignore Anonymous, we all know who the REAL a$$hole is!!! This may be your masterpiece, but PLEASE, do try and top it!!!

04-13-2002, 03:52 AM
I believe you are full of s@#t. I am not the first person or will I be the last to call you an a$$hole. You are what you eat.

rackmup
04-14-2002, 09:52 AM
Anonymous,

FYI:

The village called...

They want their idiot back. Give them a call so they know you are okay.

Regards,

Ken (back from fishing, caught a "Big Mouth Anonymous" but threw it back. After all, "you are what you eat.")

MikeM
04-14-2002, 10:21 PM
Actually that should be "NOR will I be the last"

04-16-2002, 01:01 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote: rackmup:</font><hr> One other thing Skippy (my new name for you. I'm bored with babbling to "anonymous), you are WAY behind in the polls.

Regards,

Ken <hr></blockquote>

I'm not so sure that this is the case as of late,Ken.

Now that it appears that you've come to your senses,I won't say another word.I'll just be as quiet as a anony'mouse'

rackmup
04-16-2002, 04:52 AM
POLL RESULTS (posted 04/12/2002): (results current as of 5:57AM-04/16/2002)

Who is the WEAKEST LINK? (Total Votes: 29)

Bid adieu to the "anonymous" ilk of the board
18 (62%)

Adios to rackmup
6 (20%)

Both have a home here at the CCB
5 (17%)

I come here to chat with friends, learn something new, goad a few regulars (who know it's all in friendly fun) and to stay up on current news. Nothing more...nothing less.

Have a great day,

Ken