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View Full Version : OnStar© now offering Pool Shot Assistance:



rackmup
10-02-2003, 06:53 PM
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ____________________

OnStar© , the emergency roadside assistance service is now available as an option in many of the finer custom cues being built today. This small, very lightweight device is secreted in the butt portion of the pool cue and is there to help you during those unpredictable emergencies.

Stuck in a difficult safety? Don't understand the "Diamond System?" How about knowing without a doubt where to drive that cueball so you can make that three-rail kickshot?

Yes, OnStar© can help you reach that next level.

http://www.onstar.com/us_english/images/hp_logo_bottom.jpg

Using innovative technology, OnStar© can provide you with the latest information and assistance. Just press the white OnStar© Mother-of-Pearl inlay button in the butt portion of the cue and you'll be connected to the OnStar© Billiards Center where trained, knowledgeable, live Pool-Playing Professionals and some of the World's Finest Instructors are ready to help. Plus, some OnStar© pool cues give you the ability to send and receive calls like you would using a wireless phone minus inconvenient dialing and to shoot live streaming video through the butt-bumper mounted video camera.

The following is an actual excerpt from a conversation with a real OnStar© customer:

OnStar© Pro: "Thank you for calling OnStar©, this is Keith. How may I assist you?"

Customer: "Hello...I'm stuck in a pretty tough spot. I'm playing in my APA 8-ball league and I have two balls left plus the eight and my opponent is on the eight."

OnStar© Pro: "Yes sir...first I'll need your account number."

Customer: "Sure...it's 1024-554***."

OnStar© Pro: "Dandy, now...how can I help?"

Customer: "Well...it's my shot and the jackass stuck the cueball right behind the eight. I'm not a good kicker. What should I do?"

OnStar© Pro: "Just relax and point the butt-mounted camera at the table. I'll have you out of this in no time."

Customer: "Great! Can you see it?"

OnStar© Pro: "I sure can. Fire whitey at the end rail center diamond with a little high right. Use a firm stroke and you will absolutely kick your two in with shape on your seven. Once on the seven, use a little low left snap draw stroke to shape up on the eight. You'll be out from there."

Customer: "Wow. High right? Are you sure?"

OnStar© Pro: "We're the pros here sir...trust me."

Customer: "Okay. Here goes..."

OnStar© Pro: "I heard balls dropping and what sounded like someone clapping. Is everything okay sir?"

Customer: "OKAY? Is everything okay? YES! I drilled that shot just like you said!"

OnStar© Pro: "Happy to be of help sir. I'll remain on the line while you clean up the rest."

Customer: (Shouting in background of "You da'Man!) "I did it! I won! Thank you OnStar©!"

OnStar© Pro: "It's what we do. I'm glad I could help. Will there be anything else? Do you need a rental car or directions to a nice restaurant?""

Customer: "Nope. Just one question though...may I have your name? I would like to send OnStar© a thank you card and mention your name. I couldn't have won without you!"

OnStar© Pro: "Sure...the last name is spelled; M-C-C-R-E-A-D-Y. Happy to help."

Imagine what OnStar© can do for you! If you don't have the OnStar© Billiards Assistance program, please contact your local participating custom cue dealer.

If you are a current subscriber and need to renew your OnStar© subscription, simply click here.

http://www.onstar.com/us_english/images/hp_renew.gif
http://www.onstar.com/us_english/images/hp_flag_usa.gif OnStar© Espanol Cues. (http://www.onstar.com/us_spanish/jsp/index.jsp) http://www.onstar.com/us_english/images/hp_flag_canada.gif OnStar© Canadian Cues. (http://www.onstar.com/canada_english/jsp/index.jsp)

http://www.onstar.com/us_english/images/hp_nav_not.gif

Topic: Activation

Q. When does the no charge OnStar© one-year subscription begin for owners of a new custom pool cue?

A. The initial year of OnStar© service at no additional charge begins at the time that the owner takes delivery of a new OnStar© equipped custom cue.

Q. How do I activate my new cue-mounted OnStar© system?

A. To activate your OnStar© system, simply press the white OnStar© Mother-of-Pearl inlay located on the butt of your cue. Professional Pool-Playing Advisors are standing by 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Just speak clearly into the stainless steel joint area of the cue and our OnStar© Professional Player will walk you through the quick and simple activation procedures.

Q. What is the warranty on the OnStar© system?

A. OnStar© is part of the new cue and is warranted under the Custom Cuemakers Association of America Warranty. For estimates concerning service warranty, please see OnStar© terms and conditions. All tips and ferrules must be repaired or replaced by an authorized OnStar© Cue Repair Facility or you risk voiding your warranty.

Does your game need help? You need OnStar©
__________________________________________________ __________
__________________________________________________ __________

Regards,

Ken /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Barbara
10-02-2003, 07:12 PM
Great!! Where do I sign up?? I'm gonna need this for the weekend. But wait, I have to take delivery of a new cue???

I don't think so... /ccboard/images/graemlins/smirk.gif

Barbara~~~hopeless and mostly clueless... But not Cueless like Joey! /ccboard/images/graemlins/crazy.gif

Rod
10-03-2003, 12:21 AM
It's not all it's cracked up to be. Here is a report from another customer that wasn't so fortunate.

Pro, How can I help you?

Customer, Hello I'm playing a game of one-hole and I'm in trouble. I really need your help, I'm desparate!

Pro, Sir, glad to help, calm down and please point your butt cam towards the shot.

Customer, OK here it is, what can I do? This game is for the DC Upscale room championship!

Pro, Sir, that is a strange view what are you pointing at?

Customer, Oh, OK, let me get up on a stool, I'm a little short. Hows that, is that better?


Pro, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, he almost never stop with that hideous laugh.

Customer, jeez man I'm in trouble here and I need help.

Pro, Yes sir I know you do, your in deep doo-doo.

Customer, Is it that bad?

Pro, Do you have a dictonary?

Customer, Why yes I do, but why?

Pro, Well look up the word screwed, because that's the exact description of your shot!
Next, learn how to play one-hole and you won't get in that situation! /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

Customer, ker-thud

Danny D
10-03-2003, 04:16 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote rackmup:</font><hr> __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ____________________

OnStar© , the emergency roadside assistance service is now available as an option in many of the finer custom cues being built today. This small, very lightweight device is secreted in the butt portion of the pool cue and is there to help you during those unpredictable emergencies.

Stuck in a difficult safety? Don't understand the "Diamond System?" How about knowing without a doubt where to drive that cueball so you can make that three-rail kickshot?

Yes, OnStar© can help you reach that next level.

http://www.onstar.com/us_english/images/hp_logo_bottom.jpg

Using innovative technology, OnStar© can provide you with the latest information and assistance. Just press the white OnStar© Mother-of-Pearl inlay button in the butt portion of the cue and you'll be connected to the OnStar© Billiards Center where trained, knowledgeable, live Pool-Playing Professionals and some of the World's Finest Instructors are ready to help. Plus, some OnStar© pool cues give you the ability to send and receive calls like you would using a wireless phone minus inconvenient dialing and to shoot live streaming video through the butt-bumper mounted video camera.

The following is an actual excerpt from a conversation with a real OnStar© customer:

OnStar© Pro: "Thank you for calling OnStar©, this is Keith. How may I assist you?"

Customer: "Hello...I'm stuck in a pretty tough spot. I'm playing in my APA 8-ball league and I have two balls left plus the eight and my opponent is on the eight."

OnStar© Pro: "Yes sir...first I'll need your account number."

Customer: "Sure...it's 1024-554***."

OnStar© Pro: "Dandy, now...how can I help?"

Customer: "Well...it's my shot and the jackass stuck the cueball right behind the eight. I'm not a good kicker. What should I do?"

OnStar© Pro: "Just relax and point the butt-mounted camera at the table. I'll have you out of this in no time."

Customer: "Great! Can you see it?"

OnStar© Pro: "I sure can. Fire whitey at the end rail center diamond with a little high right. Use a firm stroke and you will absolutely kick your two in with shape on your seven. Once on the seven, use a little low left snap draw stroke to shape up on the eight. You'll be out from there."

Customer: "Wow. High right? Are you sure?"

OnStar© Pro: "We're the pros here sir...trust me."

Customer: "Okay. Here goes..."

OnStar© Pro: "I heard balls dropping and what sounded like someone clapping. Is everything okay sir?"

Customer: "OKAY? Is everything okay? YES! I drilled that shot just like you said!"

OnStar© Pro: "Happy to be of help sir. I'll remain on the line while you clean up the rest."

Customer: (Shouting in background of "You da'Man!) "I did it! I won! Thank you OnStar©!"

OnStar© Pro: "It's what we do. I'm glad I could help. Will there be anything else? Do you need a rental car or directions to a nice restaurant?""

Customer: "Nope. Just one question though...may I have your name? I would like to send OnStar© a thank you card and mention your name. I couldn't have won without you!"

OnStar© Pro: "Sure...the last name is spelled; M-C-C-R-E-A-D-Y. Happy to help."

Imagine what OnStar© can do for you! If you don't have the OnStar© Billiards Assistance program, please contact your local participating custom cue dealer.

If you are a current subscriber and need to renew your OnStar© subscription, simply click here.

http://www.onstar.com/us_english/images/hp_renew.gif
http://www.onstar.com/us_english/images/hp_flag_usa.gif OnStar© Espanol Cues. (http://www.onstar.com/us_spanish/jsp/index.jsp) http://www.onstar.com/us_english/images/hp_flag_canada.gif OnStar© Canadian Cues. (http://www.onstar.com/canada_english/jsp/index.jsp)

http://www.onstar.com/us_english/images/hp_nav_not.gif

Topic: Activation

Q. When does the no charge OnStar© one-year subscription begin for owners of a new custom pool cue?

A. The initial year of OnStar© service at no additional charge begins at the time that the owner takes delivery of a new OnStar© equipped custom cue.

Q. How do I activate my new cue-mounted OnStar© system?

A. To activate your OnStar© system, simply press the white OnStar© Mother-of-Pearl inlay located on the butt of your cue. Professional Pool-Playing Advisors are standing by 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Just speak clearly into the stainless steel joint area of the cue and our OnStar© Professional Player will walk you through the quick and simple activation procedures.

Q. What is the warranty on the OnStar© system?

A. OnStar© is part of the new cue and is warranted under the Custom Cuemakers Association of America Warranty. For estimates concerning service warranty, please see OnStar© terms and conditions. All tips and ferrules must be repaired or replaced by an authorized OnStar© Cue Repair Facility or you risk voiding your warranty.

Does your game need help? You need OnStar©
__________________________________________________ __________
__________________________________________________ __________

Regards,

Ken /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif





<hr /></blockquote>

Danny D sings like a canary": Do you ever do anything other than make your self out the internet fool and class clown. Making a fool out of your self I realize comes naturally, but one time, would you shock us by actually asking an intellignet question, or giving somebody some pool advice or not trashing people with you 9 wolf alias's, blue, black, boar and God knows how many other ones that have gotten you kicked off of three boards now. You play good guy good cop, funny guy, then your evil side attacks and smears other good people. I dont think you are funny, I thionk you are very evil and very sick. You got too much time on your hands, did it ever occur to you to get out from behind your cpu and actually go out and play pool. Go get a life loser. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Keith McCready
10-03-2003, 04:49 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote rackmup:</font><hr>Regards, Ken<hr /></blockquote>

Enjoyed the post, Rackmup! /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Earthquake

bell
10-03-2003, 05:26 PM
Fantastic Post!! Tap Tap. Where do I sign up?

OnePocketChamp
10-04-2003, 05:41 AM
I have read this post with great interest and see where this service would be of immense value to the pool playing world. I only have one question concerning the use of "OnStar" in actual APA play: <font color="blue"> Would seeking advice from this service count as a coaching time out?
</font color>I have consulted our team Captain with this question and he feels that it would be a time out and that player would have to use the OnStar Pro as his coach for the remainder of his match. And for this reason he is not in favor of the OnStar system because, as you know, he is a skill level 6, a master at the game and a coach of the highest caliber.
Also, have your game ready for Monday night because we may meet again and I better not seeing you talking into the butt of your cue.

OnePocketChamp
10-04-2003, 05:49 AM
[ QUOTE ]
Danny D sings like a canary": Do you ever do anything other than make your self out the internet fool and class clown <hr /></blockquote>

Danny D, are you always so serious that you can't recognize humor when you read it? Relax man, take a deep breath and maybe get up on the other side of the bed tomorrow.

rackmup
10-04-2003, 06:23 AM
Everyone say hello to Larry Guninger. He's back but only for a very short period of time.

Regards,

Ken

hadenball
10-04-2003, 10:09 AM
Rack'm up,

I started smiling as soon as I saw the title of the post. Thank you for that, enjoyed it alot. Haden

wolfdancer
10-04-2003, 11:15 AM
"talking into the butt of your cue.." I'm glad you cleared that up, OPC, I was wondering if a visit to a Proctologist was required for the "butt mounted camera".
And I like the "skill level 6, a master at the game and a coach of the highest caliber." quip. ...the Captains job seems to endow folks with pool's version of "Ex-Cathedra"
I watched a match recently where a marginal player from last season, found himself in the early season, #1 spot, and was now calling time and offering advice to his much better teammates..unfortunately after winning his first game, he lost all the rest...fame is so fleeting

rackmup
10-04-2003, 01:48 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote hadenball:</font><hr> Rack'm up,

I started smiling as soon as I saw the title of the post. Thank you for that, enjoyed it alot. Haden <hr /></blockquote>

My pleasure.

Regards,

Ken

plato 17
10-04-2003, 04:41 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote rackmup:</font><hr> Everyone say hello to Larry Guninger. He's back but only for a very short period of time.

Regards,


1900 posts of nothing but trash, nothing of value, most of his humor is sick and at others expense. This is the guy behind all of the fake wolf names getting kicked off of all the boards, he is the board trasher, not the cute comedian he pretends to be on this board. He wears a mask, he is sick, twisted, perverted, that was a line from the 1961 movie, the Hustler, but it really applies to Ken Kingman of Mansfield, Tx.
/ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Kato
10-04-2003, 07:35 PM
You really should spell his name right when you trash him. It's K-I-N-G-A-N, and while sick and twisted I can assure you that this man is not perverted. /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

Kato~~~will get to see his 'ole buddy Ken in 2 weeks time.

Danny D
10-06-2003, 10:30 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Kato:</font><hr> You really should spell his name right when you trash him. It's K-I-N-G-A-N, and while sick and twisted I can assure you that this man is not perverted. /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

Kato~~~will get to see his 'ole buddy Ken in 2 weeks time. <hr /></blockquote>


Kato, what's being said on another board is you two are dating and are sweeties, is that why you are the only one who defends him, is he your old man, or is it the other way around. Are you the Ho Kato, or is Rack em up. The joke going around is there are a lot of steers in Texas, and Rack em ups real name rhimes with steer, but it starts with a Q. /ccboard/images/graemlins/shocked.gif

Danny D
10-06-2003, 10:40 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Keith McCready:</font><hr> <blockquote><font class="small">Quote rackmup:</font><hr>Regards, Ken<hr /></blockquote>

Enjoyed the post, Rackmup! /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Earthquake <hr /></blockquote>


In your younger days, did you ever go by the pool handle wild card? Here is the deal, the al quida of the pool board internet was Yappin Wolf, who is now in hiding.
This sicko was kicked off of all three boards after a run of terror that went on for a year. This had to be a person who was very badly mentally deranged and sick, who had some score to get even with people.

Yappin Wolf has been absolutely traced to be living in Washington DC, that is positive information, there is no question about this. There are only about 5 people on the board who live there, you eliminate Laura because she was one of the victims of Yappin wolf, in fact his first victim.
The two people who fit the MO to be the Yappin Wolf character, are two, and there is great suspicion both used the same handle and came on at different times, one would come on drunk and in coherent at times, could not write a paragraph with out 5 mis spells, then another time the prose would be perfect.

The suspicion is this, is Yapping wolf you, Keith, or is it Gremlin, or is it both of you working together. How about the truth on this, and just let us know, why you did do this, if it is you. We know it is one of you, it's now narrowed down to just two people, so one of you needs now to confess. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Kato
10-06-2003, 10:45 AM
I'm sorry Danny, do I know you? Have I done something to you? Have I offended you?

Shove it, putz.

Kato

Voodoo Daddy
10-06-2003, 10:53 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Danny D:</font><hr> Kato, what's being said on another board is you two are dating and are sweeties, is that why you are the only one who defends him, is he your old man, or is it the other way around. Are you the Ho Kato, or is Rack em up. The joke going around is there are a lot of steers in Texas, and Rack em ups real name rhimes with steer, but it starts with a Q. /ccboard/images/graemlins/shocked.gif <hr /></blockquote>

I'll stand up for both of them..Ken is a good dude, I met him in Tx in Jan. Couldnt ask for a more stand up fella. RJ, the first guy I met from CCB is as solid a friend as one could ask for. Cant wait to see what homophobic response I get from this moron, talk about a douche bag that hides behind his screen...yet another "KEYBOARD RAMBO"!!

Voodoo~~~ready to rumble without a reason

Wally_in_Cincy
10-06-2003, 11:07 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Danny D:</font><hr>
Kato, what's being said on another board is you two are dating and are sweeties, is that why you are the only one who defends him, is he your old man, or is it the other way around. Are you the Ho Kato, or is Rack em up. The joke going around is there are a lot of steers in Texas, and Rack em ups real name rhimes with steer, but it starts with a Q. /ccboard/images/graemlins/shocked.gif <hr /></blockquote>

Hey Larry. I didn't know you got drunk this early in the day LOL

plato 17
10-06-2003, 07:36 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Wally_in_Cincy:</font><hr> <blockquote><font class="small">Quote Danny D:</font><hr>
Kato, what's being said on another board is you two are dating and are sweeties, is that why you are the only one who defends him, is he your old man, or is it the other way around. Are you the Ho Kato, or is Rack em up. The joke going around is there are a lot of steers in Texas, and Rack em ups real name rhimes with steer, but it starts with a Q. /ccboard/images/graemlins/shocked.gif <hr /></blockquote>

Hey Larry. I didn't know you got drunk this early in the day LOL <hr /></blockquote>


Oh how romatic, your old man comes running to your board rescue, well that answers the question, you da ho. That means ken is the gunner and you are the gunnie. ooooohhh baby. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Kato
10-06-2003, 09:24 PM
Well that answers that question Plato.

You are a jerkoff.

Kato

plato 17
10-07-2003, 12:13 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Kato:</font><hr> Well that answers that question Plato.

You are a jerkoff.

Kato <hr /></blockquote>


Why Hondo, you are so emotional, but your kind is, dont get your dress blown up over these things, let your old man Racmemup handle them for you. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

9 Ball Road Pro
10-07-2003, 12:26 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote plato 17:</font><hr> <blockquote><font class="small">Quote Kato:</font><hr> Well that answers that question Plato.

You are a jerkoff.

Kato <hr /></blockquote>


Why Hondo, you are so emotional, but your kind is, dont get your dress blown up over these things, let your old man Racmemup handle them for you. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif <hr /></blockquote>


All of these people coming out of the closit, this is most alarming to me. /ccboard/images/graemlins/confused.gif

phil in sofla
10-07-2003, 03:31 PM
Nice work, Ken!

You left out the APA reaction to this development.

They instituted a limit of OnStar(c) calls per rack, and have enforced a filtering rule, based on SL-rating. SL-7s can call, but can only hear every 7th word.

Our local APA poobah, Bill Hand, insisted on a device where he could change the number of filtered words in the middle of the match.

Kato
10-07-2003, 06:55 PM
Good one Phil. Now that I think of it, you're absolutely right!!!!!!!!!

Kato~~~had 4 players raised in last years city tournament. /ccboard/images/graemlins/frown.gif

Brady_Behrman
10-07-2003, 07:03 PM
Very funny!