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rackmup
04-12-2002, 10:52 AM
A Teacher asks the children to discuss what their Dad's do for a living.

Little Mary says: "My Dad is a lawyer. He puts the bad guys in jail." Little Jack says: "My Dad is a doctor. He makes all the sick people better."

All the kids in the class had their turn except Little Johnny. Teacher says: "Johnny, what does your Dad do ?" Johnny says: "My Dad is dead." "I'm sorry to hear that, but what did he do before he died?" the Teacher asked.

"He turned blue and took a dump on the carpet."

Do you have any "Little Johnny" jokes?

Regards,

Ken (working on my jokes for a weekend of beer drinking and fishing...and beer drinking)

rackmup
04-12-2002, 11:01 AM
Johnny's Mom walked into the bathroom one day and found young Johnny furiously scrubbing his "little winky" with a toothbrush and toothpaste.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, young man?!" she exclaimed.

"Don't try to stop me!" Johnny warned. "I'm gonna do this three times a day, because there's no way I'm gonna get a cavity that looks and smells as bad as my sister's."

Regards (and apologies),

Ken

Kato
04-12-2002, 12:33 PM
That second one was a struggle but I bet you got a bucket load of them. Them Texans must be happy to have you 'round boy. Jes make sur they don leave you on the lake or string you up with de'ms fishes. Hope you got extra minners and lures and worms since they gots big uns out yonder. Oh yeah, bring extra beer since if they run low then you gettin' cut off or sent packin' to one of them there stores.

Kato~~~been to Texas once

phil in sofla
04-12-2002, 04:22 PM
These are so old, I'll just supply the punchline:

'Don't mess with Uncle Bob when he'd been drinking.'

Heard that one?

04-12-2002, 10:18 PM
Little Johnny, who was not a very good little boy, told his mother one day that he needed a new bike. Mother replied," little Johnny, you have gotten 3 detentions from school this week, you haven't cleaned your room, and you came home late twice. You do not deserve a new bike." Little Johnny replied," that may all be true, but I still want the bike." " Little Johnny", his exasperated mother said, "if you can write a letter to Jesus, and convince Him, without lying that you deserve a new bike, I'll get you one."
Little Johnny went to his room and began to write. "Dear Jesus, I have been a very good boy and I would like a new bike." Johnny read what he had written and realized it was a bald faced lie. He crumpled the paper and started again. "Dear Jesus, I have been a sort of good boy and I would like a new bike." Johnny realized that this too was not going to get it. Outside help was needed. He went downstairs and told his mother he was going to church. Mother was pleased, thinking he had seen the error of his ways. Johnny arrived at the church as the last of the penances were being said. When the church was empty, he approached the altar and stared at the statue of the Virgin Mary for a moment. Glancing to either side, he grabbed the statue and ran home.
Little Johnny's next letter read, " Dear Jesus, I got your momma. If you ever want to see her again, make with the bike!!"
I hope you enjoyed it. I'm going to treat my carpal tunnel syndrome now! Lorri

04-14-2002, 11:21 AM
Little Johnny was in school one day, when the teacher said, "Class, I want each of you to stand up and tell what your father does for a living, and then spell it!" Sally says, "My father is a baker...B-A-K-E-R...and he sent a cookie for everyone!" Bobby stands up and says, "My father is a banker...B-A-N-K-E-R...and he sent a shiny new penny for everyone!" Joey stands up and says, "My father is a
'lectrician...E-L...E-L-E...uh, E-L-E-C...umm." The teacher says, "That's ok Bobby, you just go ahead and sit down. Johnny, what does your father do?" Little Johnny stands up and says, "My father's a bookie...B-O-O-K-I-E...
and he'll lay 7-5 that Bobby will never spell electrician!"

Scott Lee

Gayle in MD
04-15-2002, 06:56 PM
Hi Ken, all in good fun! This is my standard joke whenever a guy tells an unflattering joke about women.....
Man asked God, "God, why did you make women so pretty?"
God Answered, "Well, I wanted you to like them"
Man asked, "Well, why did you make them so soft and smooth?"
and God answered, "Well, I wanted you to really like them"
and man asked, "Well, why did you make them so curvy and sexy?"
and God answered, Well, I wanted you to really, really, want them"
And then man asked, "WELL THEN, WHY DID YOU MAKE THEM SO SUTPID?"
and God said, "I wanted them to want YOU!"
Your friend...Gayle in MD

Gayle in MD
04-15-2002, 07:00 PM
Hi Ken, all in good fun! This is my standard joke whenever a guy tells an unflattering joke about women.....
Man asked God, "God, why did you make women so pretty?"
God Answered, "Well, I wanted you to like them"
Man asked, "Well, why did you make them so soft and smooth?"
and God answered, "Well, I wanted you to really like them"
and man asked, "Well, why did you make them so curvy and sexy?"
and God answered, Well, I wanted you to really, really, want them"
And then man asked, "WELL THEN, WHY DID YOU MAKE THEM SO STUPID?"
and God said, "I wanted them to want YOU!"
Your friend...Gayle in MD

rackmup
04-15-2002, 07:34 PM
Ouch.

LMAO,

Ken

Gayle in MD
04-15-2002, 07:48 PM
HA HA HA, you know what is so funny is that I read this over three times, was sure it was right, then realized I had mis-spelled stupid, and ended up posting twice! LMAO, maybe man is right!
Gayle in Md, types like she shoots!

rackmup
04-15-2002, 07:54 PM
Gayle,

You know, you can go back in and delete the "bad" post (or correct it.)

I like all of the new stuff the CCB has to offer. It allows dumb guys like me the opportunity to look a little smarter.

Ken

Tom_In_Cincy
04-16-2002, 07:43 PM
God asked MAN, "now that I have created Eden, and you have done so well in this new paradise, I have decided to make you a life partner, a being that will, be your companion forever, that will provide a stimulating conversation, sexual pleasures, work for you, care for you and make you want for nothing, but it will cost you an arm, a leg and a lung."

Man asked GOD,, "what can I get for a rib?"

Gayle in MD
04-24-2002, 02:58 PM
Funny Joke Tom, and did you hear the one about the lettle old man walking down the beach in California, and he finds an old antique bottle, rubs it, out comes the Genie, and he says, Look I've been in here for ten thousand years, and then you had to come along and disturb my rest, so now, you only get one wish, what's it gonna be and make it fast. So the little old guy says,
Well, All my life I have wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm afraid of boats, and I'm aftaid to fly, so I want you to build me a bridge across the Pacific Ocean so I can just drive over there.
So the Genie says, Are you crazy man? Do you know how expensive that would be, all that steel and concrete, all that distance, forget it, pick something else and make it snappy.
So the old man says, Well, You know, all my life I have wanted to understand women, why they laugh when you think they wouldn't, why they cry when you think they wouldn't, why they get mad when you think they shouldn't, you know, what makes them tick, I could never figure them out, and I want so much to understand them.
So the Genie says, HOW MANY LANES WIDE DID YOU WANT THAT BRIDGE???
Gayle in Md