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rackmup
04-12-2002, 12:06 PM
All of this conversation and posts about exercise and dieting for pool players got me to thinking...Is there something out there that WILL work? I did some research and I believe the following program will work. Give it a try, it's easy and doesn't require a lot of special foods or supplements:

PROBLEM:

It seems that a lot of pool players are dieting in an attempt to strengthen their game and improve their health, trying everything from an all-carbohydrate to an all-protein mix. I have another suggestion, one that has worked FOR ME:

SOLUTION!:

The Hops & Barley Diet (The H&B Diet)

GOAL: Drink 12-15 beers per day. Below I have documented the facts, benefits, exercise and diet schedule:

FACT: A light beer has between 70 and 100 calories, is almost all water, and the part that isn't water is almost pure carbohydrates. Remember! Recycle your bottles and cans. Let's keep "Mother Earth" healthy too!

FACT: The average diet recommends a daily caloric intake of 1,200 calories for women, 1,500 for men, if you want to lose the medically safe, two to three pounds a week. On the "H&B" diet, that equates to at least 12
beverages a day for women, and 15 for men. A measurable goal.

FACT: The alcohol in beer is a diuretic, which causes the water to flush out almost immediately, leading to a consistent workout regimen including deep knee bends (getting out of the chair), fast walking (very good for your heart) and squats (as the case may be).

FACT: Drinking beer actually helps you sleep, even when you aren't necessarily tired. All that added rest is certain to help any problems you may have experienced in sleep deprivation, while counting calories on those other fad diets.

IN ADDITION: You may experience the occasional "How the hell did I get here?" when you wake up, which always makes for lively conversation, and possibly additional exercise if you have to walk great distances to find your car or your home. The aerobic benefits of the "sneak out and run home before her/his spouse catches me" is also beneficial to the heart.

FACT: As indicated above, the "H&B" diet is good for your heart. After just one day of consuming your required 12-15 beers, you will certainly want to consume some aspirin, which is medically proven to help prevent heart attacks.

FACT: On the "H&B" diet you can eat anything you want. The only rule is that you cannot consume any food until you have consumed at least half of the daily requirement of beer. This way the food will probably only stay in your body a short time, until you again exercise the deep knee bends, quick walk and, this time, the
ab-flattening, "lean-over-and-hurl" stomach crunches.

FACT: Beer drinking is often done in bars, where other forms of exercise are common. Dancing, for example, is a good way to build up a thirst, as is the pursual of members of the opposite sex. If you really want to maximize your workout, try actually walking up to the bar, versus using a waitress. To take this to the extreme, you could even get up and get someone else a beer...perhaps someone who is newer to the diet plan than yourself. Being a mentor to those just starting out is a wonderful thing. You may just find a workout partner!

FACT: Beer is cheaper than "Ultra-Slim", "Slim-Fast", "Jenny Craig", "Metabolife" and other diet foods, drinks and supplements.

<font color=red>Based on these facts, let's run through a given scenario for DIET IMPLEMENTATION</font color=red>:

CAUTION: This is a weekend diet plan, and should be attempted during the work week by only the most experienced of dieters.

MONDAY THROUGH THURSDAY: Eat deep-fried fast foods and foods high in sugar content .

FRIDAY: Stop at the nearest liquor store and stock up in preparation for a weekend of serious dieting. Go to your favorite place of beer drinking and begin the consumption process (remember 12 for women, 15 for men).

SATURDAY: Wake up (when ever) and relax all day, feeling slightly smaller after expunging any food that you may have accidentally consumed (particularly if it involved burritos or candy from the liquor store). Take aspirin.

Notice that you have absolutely no interest in food!

SATURDAY (p.m.): Restart cycle, noticing that your appetite has still not returned. Perhaps only meet half of your consumption goal due to an ongoing discussion with the "hair of the dog that bit you." This is a good thing, as only half-consumption means less than 1,000 calories for the day, and you still don't feel hungry!

SUNDAY (a.m.): Wake up for MANDATORY TELEVISION SPORTS VIEWING. This is a very convenient
diet during football season, but it can be successfully implemented year-round. There is a major professional sport being played every day of the year except the day before and the day after the "Major League All-Star Game." This is a fact.

Consumption on this day should be paced to cover the entire day - you don't want to peak too soon. Again you notice a lack of appetite, and are feeling thinner all the time.

Don't forget the aspirin.

MONDAY: Return to work, feeling thinner, well rested, and surprisingly relaxed.

Mark your log book, and begin preparation for the upcoming weekend.

This diet requires strict compliance. Should your spouse disagree with your attempts to become healthier, you must seriously question their love for you. Divorce or separations are the unfortunate by-products of the dedication to live a happier, HEALTHIER life.

Regards and best-of-luck!,

Ken

Kato
04-12-2002, 01:18 PM
Plus living in Texas actually allows you to be a NASCAR fan. Of course you'll have to follow the driver of your favorite beer. Dale Jr., Bud. Sterling Marlin, Coors Light. Rusty Wallace, Miller Lite. Dick Trickle, whoops, sorry that's the side effect. Just remember, once you pick a driver I think the NASCAR Fan law states you can only consume products in which your driver is sponsored.

Kato

shojingod
04-12-2002, 02:24 PM
You got to be kidding.

You have a diet like that you will gain excess weight and die of a cardiac arrest in no time.

Here is a diet that should be followed.

Cut beer out. Completelly. One can of Beer is equal to 152 calories and it is all made up of carbs. It is only good once you used up your own body fat. Then it is acceptable. That is why bodybuilder drink malt drinks. They need the carbs you don't.

Remove fried foods from your diet. COMPLETELY.

Eat more vegetables and fruits. Any dietition would say this is the most important thing.

Do exercise. REAL EXERCISE. on a regular basis. You got to burn what you eat and if you are BIG then you got to burn more then what you eat to lose otherwise you won't lose.

Cut down on animal fats. Here is the best part. Barbecue as much your stuff as possible. Grilling is good just don't turn black do. Overly cooked grilled foods develop a higher level of nitrates that can increase your level of developing cancer but only by a facter of 1 to 5%. If you are a high risk candidate then you must observe it.

This is the only way that you will live a healthy life anything else your kidding yourselve.

The most important part in all of this is EXERCISE. REAL EXERCISE. GO TO THE GYM AND SWEAT YOUR BUTT OFF. If you do something and your heart does not increase by at least 5 to 10 % then your not doing enough.

I know a 85 year old man at the gym that is in better shape then most people from the age of 20 and up. You know what this guy will probably live to see his 100's and beyond. He would put most people to shame. /ccboard/images/icons/smile.gif

Kato
04-12-2002, 03:01 PM
Who would want to live that long. By the way, I'm wondering if maybe our buddy was doing a little goofing off. I know he's a real serious guy but maybe, just maybe he's got a sense of humor. Besides, double quarter pounders with cheese is the REAL diet food.

Kato~~~just began the excercise program 4 days ago but not for pool but for life........................well really for softball. YIPEE!!!!!

rackmup
04-12-2002, 05:08 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr>The most important part in all of this is EXERCISE. REAL EXERCISE. GO TO THE GYM AND SWEET YOUR BUTT OFF.<hr></blockquote>

Umm...I don't go to THAT kind of gym.

Regards,

Ken (rather drink beer on the "H&amp;B" diet)

shojingod
04-12-2002, 08:27 PM
My bad.
sweat

Barbara
04-12-2002, 08:30 PM
Don't sweat it, sweet it, Sweetie... whatever...

Love youse guys....

Barbara~~~stay cool....

Troy
04-12-2002, 09:28 PM
But, but MGD doesn't sponsor anybody in NASCAR, I don't drink Miller Lite, I like Jeff Gordon but I don't like Pepsi.

Help, I think I'm lost..... /ccboard/images/icons/frown.gif

Troy..... (Sac, CA here I come)

<blockquote><font class="small">Quote: Kato:</font><hr> Plus living in Texas actually allows you to be a NASCAR fan. Of course you'll have to follow the driver of your favorite beer. Dale Jr., Bud. Sterling Marlin, Coors Light. Rusty Wallace, Miller Lite. Dick Trickle, whoops, sorry that's the side effect. Just remember, once you pick a driver I think the NASCAR Fan law states you can only consume products in which your driver is sponsored.

Kato <hr></blockquote>

04-12-2002, 09:45 PM
Gee Shojin, if a REAL diet and exercise plan excises your ability to recognize that Ken's plan was presented with a very broad wink and a wonderful sense of humor, you can keep it. I think you're right on the money Ken, but I did notice that when I was 'dieting' I woke up next to some pretty ugly guys that I could have sworn were Brad Pitt the night before!! By the way, I DID NOT misspell excise, if you don't know, may I suggest the E section of the dictionary? LOL I'm here to inform and entertain ( Oh, lighten up! I'm not trying to be mean or Whatever it was that that other guy accused me of!).....In the very highest of esteem...Lorri

Rod
04-12-2002, 10:52 PM
Lorrie as they say, if it's after midnight it's alright. Who ever "they" are! I think they are wrong personally!
It's one of those deals, like who are you, or more important, what am I doing here, or what did I do? It all starts out so innocence, or maybe not. Who is that creature that lurks inside of you?

Kato
04-13-2002, 07:39 AM
I've got an ice cold 12 pack in my fridge when you decide to start...........er............dieting Lorri.

Kato~~~just trying to help........................himself

BillPorter
04-13-2002, 10:12 AM
Ken, it was so thoughtful of you to give the full details of the H&amp;B diet/exercise plan in your post! Your compassion for your fellow pool players is legendary, but you have out done yourself with this diet/exercise plan. Was it you who got Buddy Hall started on the plan? I hear that Archer flatly refused your advice and stayed with fruits and vegetables...what a shortsighted guy!

Voodoo Daddy
04-13-2002, 04:43 PM
I would devulge my secret diet but I dont think the pool world could handle all that girth!! It sure dont include wheat germ...HAHAHAHAHA

Voodoo...eats less than Kato!!