rackmup
04-12-2002, 12:06 PM
All of this conversation and posts about exercise and dieting for pool players got me to thinking...Is there something out there that WILL work? I did some research and I believe the following program will work. Give it a try, it's easy and doesn't require a lot of special foods or supplements:
PROBLEM:
It seems that a lot of pool players are dieting in an attempt to strengthen their game and improve their health, trying everything from an all-carbohydrate to an all-protein mix. I have another suggestion, one that has worked FOR ME:
SOLUTION!:
The Hops & Barley Diet (The H&B Diet)
GOAL: Drink 12-15 beers per day. Below I have documented the facts, benefits, exercise and diet schedule:
FACT: A light beer has between 70 and 100 calories, is almost all water, and the part that isn't water is almost pure carbohydrates. Remember! Recycle your bottles and cans. Let's keep "Mother Earth" healthy too!
FACT: The average diet recommends a daily caloric intake of 1,200 calories for women, 1,500 for men, if you want to lose the medically safe, two to three pounds a week. On the "H&B" diet, that equates to at least 12
beverages a day for women, and 15 for men. A measurable goal.
FACT: The alcohol in beer is a diuretic, which causes the water to flush out almost immediately, leading to a consistent workout regimen including deep knee bends (getting out of the chair), fast walking (very good for your heart) and squats (as the case may be).
FACT: Drinking beer actually helps you sleep, even when you aren't necessarily tired. All that added rest is certain to help any problems you may have experienced in sleep deprivation, while counting calories on those other fad diets.
IN ADDITION: You may experience the occasional "How the hell did I get here?" when you wake up, which always makes for lively conversation, and possibly additional exercise if you have to walk great distances to find your car or your home. The aerobic benefits of the "sneak out and run home before her/his spouse catches me" is also beneficial to the heart.
FACT: As indicated above, the "H&B" diet is good for your heart. After just one day of consuming your required 12-15 beers, you will certainly want to consume some aspirin, which is medically proven to help prevent heart attacks.
FACT: On the "H&B" diet you can eat anything you want. The only rule is that you cannot consume any food until you have consumed at least half of the daily requirement of beer. This way the food will probably only stay in your body a short time, until you again exercise the deep knee bends, quick walk and, this time, the
ab-flattening, "lean-over-and-hurl" stomach crunches.
FACT: Beer drinking is often done in bars, where other forms of exercise are common. Dancing, for example, is a good way to build up a thirst, as is the pursual of members of the opposite sex. If you really want to maximize your workout, try actually walking up to the bar, versus using a waitress. To take this to the extreme, you could even get up and get someone else a beer...perhaps someone who is newer to the diet plan than yourself. Being a mentor to those just starting out is a wonderful thing. You may just find a workout partner!
FACT: Beer is cheaper than "Ultra-Slim", "Slim-Fast", "Jenny Craig", "Metabolife" and other diet foods, drinks and supplements.
<font color=red>Based on these facts, let's run through a given scenario for DIET IMPLEMENTATION</font color=red>:
CAUTION: This is a weekend diet plan, and should be attempted during the work week by only the most experienced of dieters.
MONDAY THROUGH THURSDAY: Eat deep-fried fast foods and foods high in sugar content .
FRIDAY: Stop at the nearest liquor store and stock up in preparation for a weekend of serious dieting. Go to your favorite place of beer drinking and begin the consumption process (remember 12 for women, 15 for men).
SATURDAY: Wake up (when ever) and relax all day, feeling slightly smaller after expunging any food that you may have accidentally consumed (particularly if it involved burritos or candy from the liquor store). Take aspirin.
Notice that you have absolutely no interest in food!
SATURDAY (p.m.): Restart cycle, noticing that your appetite has still not returned. Perhaps only meet half of your consumption goal due to an ongoing discussion with the "hair of the dog that bit you." This is a good thing, as only half-consumption means less than 1,000 calories for the day, and you still don't feel hungry!
SUNDAY (a.m.): Wake up for MANDATORY TELEVISION SPORTS VIEWING. This is a very convenient
diet during football season, but it can be successfully implemented year-round. There is a major professional sport being played every day of the year except the day before and the day after the "Major League All-Star Game." This is a fact.
Consumption on this day should be paced to cover the entire day - you don't want to peak too soon. Again you notice a lack of appetite, and are feeling thinner all the time.
Don't forget the aspirin.
MONDAY: Return to work, feeling thinner, well rested, and surprisingly relaxed.
Mark your log book, and begin preparation for the upcoming weekend.
This diet requires strict compliance. Should your spouse disagree with your attempts to become healthier, you must seriously question their love for you. Divorce or separations are the unfortunate by-products of the dedication to live a happier, HEALTHIER life.
Regards and best-of-luck!,
Ken
PROBLEM:
It seems that a lot of pool players are dieting in an attempt to strengthen their game and improve their health, trying everything from an all-carbohydrate to an all-protein mix. I have another suggestion, one that has worked FOR ME:
SOLUTION!:
The Hops & Barley Diet (The H&B Diet)
GOAL: Drink 12-15 beers per day. Below I have documented the facts, benefits, exercise and diet schedule:
FACT: A light beer has between 70 and 100 calories, is almost all water, and the part that isn't water is almost pure carbohydrates. Remember! Recycle your bottles and cans. Let's keep "Mother Earth" healthy too!
FACT: The average diet recommends a daily caloric intake of 1,200 calories for women, 1,500 for men, if you want to lose the medically safe, two to three pounds a week. On the "H&B" diet, that equates to at least 12
beverages a day for women, and 15 for men. A measurable goal.
FACT: The alcohol in beer is a diuretic, which causes the water to flush out almost immediately, leading to a consistent workout regimen including deep knee bends (getting out of the chair), fast walking (very good for your heart) and squats (as the case may be).
FACT: Drinking beer actually helps you sleep, even when you aren't necessarily tired. All that added rest is certain to help any problems you may have experienced in sleep deprivation, while counting calories on those other fad diets.
IN ADDITION: You may experience the occasional "How the hell did I get here?" when you wake up, which always makes for lively conversation, and possibly additional exercise if you have to walk great distances to find your car or your home. The aerobic benefits of the "sneak out and run home before her/his spouse catches me" is also beneficial to the heart.
FACT: As indicated above, the "H&B" diet is good for your heart. After just one day of consuming your required 12-15 beers, you will certainly want to consume some aspirin, which is medically proven to help prevent heart attacks.
FACT: On the "H&B" diet you can eat anything you want. The only rule is that you cannot consume any food until you have consumed at least half of the daily requirement of beer. This way the food will probably only stay in your body a short time, until you again exercise the deep knee bends, quick walk and, this time, the
ab-flattening, "lean-over-and-hurl" stomach crunches.
FACT: Beer drinking is often done in bars, where other forms of exercise are common. Dancing, for example, is a good way to build up a thirst, as is the pursual of members of the opposite sex. If you really want to maximize your workout, try actually walking up to the bar, versus using a waitress. To take this to the extreme, you could even get up and get someone else a beer...perhaps someone who is newer to the diet plan than yourself. Being a mentor to those just starting out is a wonderful thing. You may just find a workout partner!
FACT: Beer is cheaper than "Ultra-Slim", "Slim-Fast", "Jenny Craig", "Metabolife" and other diet foods, drinks and supplements.
<font color=red>Based on these facts, let's run through a given scenario for DIET IMPLEMENTATION</font color=red>:
CAUTION: This is a weekend diet plan, and should be attempted during the work week by only the most experienced of dieters.
MONDAY THROUGH THURSDAY: Eat deep-fried fast foods and foods high in sugar content .
FRIDAY: Stop at the nearest liquor store and stock up in preparation for a weekend of serious dieting. Go to your favorite place of beer drinking and begin the consumption process (remember 12 for women, 15 for men).
SATURDAY: Wake up (when ever) and relax all day, feeling slightly smaller after expunging any food that you may have accidentally consumed (particularly if it involved burritos or candy from the liquor store). Take aspirin.
Notice that you have absolutely no interest in food!
SATURDAY (p.m.): Restart cycle, noticing that your appetite has still not returned. Perhaps only meet half of your consumption goal due to an ongoing discussion with the "hair of the dog that bit you." This is a good thing, as only half-consumption means less than 1,000 calories for the day, and you still don't feel hungry!
SUNDAY (a.m.): Wake up for MANDATORY TELEVISION SPORTS VIEWING. This is a very convenient
diet during football season, but it can be successfully implemented year-round. There is a major professional sport being played every day of the year except the day before and the day after the "Major League All-Star Game." This is a fact.
Consumption on this day should be paced to cover the entire day - you don't want to peak too soon. Again you notice a lack of appetite, and are feeling thinner all the time.
Don't forget the aspirin.
MONDAY: Return to work, feeling thinner, well rested, and surprisingly relaxed.
Mark your log book, and begin preparation for the upcoming weekend.
This diet requires strict compliance. Should your spouse disagree with your attempts to become healthier, you must seriously question their love for you. Divorce or separations are the unfortunate by-products of the dedication to live a happier, HEALTHIER life.
Regards and best-of-luck!,
Ken