5 Things That Will Happen at the “Open Carry March on Washington”

May 7, 2013
By James Schlarmann
Political Garbage Chute.com

The Derp is strong with this one.


Apparently Libertarian radio host Adam Kokesh has no clue how gun laws actually work in America. I’d say I’m surprised, but I’m really not. Militant gun nuts are the ones who think the Second Amendment is all about “protecting us from our own tyrannical government,” despite there being no actual historical precedent for this interpretation. So it’s not surprising to me at all that a group of numbnuts headed up by the master numbnut himself wouldn’t think about what local municipalities’ open carry laws are before they engage in a demonstration that will break said gun laws. Kokesh is planning his “Open Carry March on Washington” to show those mean ol’ government agents that you can’t take his guns from him.

The important problem? Washington D.C. does not permit openly carrying firearms. So what will happen to the 1000 or so people who are going to join Kokesh on his little stroll through D.C.?

#5. Millions Of Americans Won’t Give a Sh*t

Gun ownership is actually on the decline. I don’t know if this is because people feel more safe, or feel less paranoid and in need of a gun. For whatever reason though, the number of people who own a gun is actually down. This means a) it’s more important the NRA than ever to get people scared enough to hoard guns and b) that things like the Open Carry March won’t really have an impact on the majority of Americans. The truth is that most gun owners themselves know the Feds aren’t coming for their firearms, it’s just the easily maniuplated that will be participating in this idiocy.

#4. A Terrorist Plot Will Be Foiled By the Roving Band of Gun Nuts

Haha! Just kidding. This won’t happen. It never will. Ever.

#3. A Bunch of People Will Be Needlessly Frightened

If the point of the Open Carry March is to scare a shitload of people who have no idea why a thousand armed people are walking down the street, then you’d be able to call the march a success. Most people aren’t tuned into libertarian radio, and most people will only hear about this madness after the fact, or as they watch the gaggle of fools traipsing down Pennsylvania with their rifles on their backs. But if they think they’ll win over the hearts and minds of average Americans by marching militia-style down the street, they’re sorely mistaken.

#2. The Federal Government Will Have The Same Level Of Interest In Taking Your Guns as They Did Before the March

That is to say zero. Zilch. Nada. This has been gone over a million times already, but the Feds don’t want your guns. They can’t take them for starters, but more importantly, why would our government need to take your guns when they could send a drone over to say hello instead?

#1. Washington, D.C. Police Will Set a Local Record For Most Morons Arrested at Once

If this doesn’t show the outright lunacy of the gun zealot fringe of American politics, nothing will. Who the f**k in their right minds would think that a thousand people carrying loaded rifles through the streets is a good idea, especially when there are laws specifically prohibiting this kind of behavior. Sure, Kokesh has told those signing up that they need to be willing to peacefully accept arrest, but who are we kidding here? Do we really believe that the kinds of people who feel their Second Amendment rights are actually in any danger and therefore need to march with 999 other gun hoarders with loaded rifles on their backs are going to just hand over their rifles and get handcuffed? Call me crazy, but considering there were four people killed during a recent “Gun Appreciation Day,” I can’t say that I have much hope for a peaceful demonstration out of these idiots.