You might be a Tea Bagger if.....
You might be a Tea Bagger if.....
1. At a debate, you boo a soldier because he is gay.
2. You accuse a decorated Vietnam veteran of “cutting and running.”
3. You accuse Obama of being a Muslim, yet condemn him for going to Jeremiah Wright’s Christian church.
4. You admire Sarah Palin’s keen intellect.
5. You agree with Alabama state senator Scott Beason who referred to blacks as “aborigines.”
6. You are considering moving to Canada to avoid health insurance mandates.
7. You are convinced that Obama is either Hitler, Stalin, the Joker or a combination of all 3.
8. You ascribe marital infidelity to your sense of patriotism.
9. You become hysterical at the thought of Muslims wanting to build a basketball court three blocks from Ground Zero, ignoring the fact that there was a mosque inside the World Trade Center.
10. You believe family values means having children from your first marriage try to convince people that your second wife is lying about your third wife.
11. You believe gay marriage is the “most important issue of our time”.
12. You believe Obama does not like white people.
13. You believe scientists are cross-breeding humans and animals and creating mice with fully functioning human brains.
14. You believe that Franklin Delano Roosevelt and the New Deal caused the Great Depression; even though FDR took office 4 years after it began.
15. You believe that gay marriage undermines traditional family values although your religion and family have advocated polygamy.
16. You celebrate Bush’s “Mission Accomplished” moment, yet deny Obama had anything to do with Osama bin Laden being killed.
17. You cheer at the idea of the uninsured dying.
18. You claim that your sons are doing their “patriotic duty” by supporting you in the election instead of serving in the military.
19. You confuse John Wayne and John Wayne Gacy.
20. You could not explain socialism if your life depended on it.
21. You disparage and call a veteran who is a double amputee “unpatriotic.”
22. You do not understand the difference between people you disagree with and Hitler or Karl Marx.
23. You equate any criticism of the Bush administration’s conduct of the war with not “supporting our troops”.
24. You equate masturbation with adultery.
25. You equate opinion with fact and offer no evidence of your beliefs.
26. You feel emotionally moved whenever Glenn Beck speaks.
27. You get “nauseated” at the idea of “separation of church and state.”
28. You hate the 14th Amendment and the Civil Rights Acts of 1964.
29. You invoke the threat of “Second Amendment remedies” when you do not get the electoral result that you want.
30. You like to shout-down other citizens at town-hall meetings and call it “proper democratic dialogue.”
31. You love benefits such as the interstate highway system, safe food and drugs, clean water and air, etc. – you just don’t want to pay for any of it.
32. You love having fresh produce on the shelves, nannies and groundskeepers but want the people who provide those services deported – or better yet to “self-deport” themselves.
33. You love to invoke Leviticus 18:22 but suddenly forget your Scripture when it comes to Leviticus 19:18.
34. You make frequent information requests to the Hawaii Department of Vital Records even though you are not a resident of Hawaii.
35. You overlooked eight years of Bush incompetence and criminal destabilization of the economy but decided in less than a day that Obama is the Anti-Christ.
36. You proudly display a sign that reads: “Obama is a M-O-R-A-N” at rallies.
37. You receive Medicare, yet oppose government run healthcare.
38. You strongly oppose the new health care law but have not read it.
39. You support Michelle Bachman signing a pledge that says that black children were better off during slavery.
40. You support the death penalty, the NRA and wars, yet claim to be “Pro-Life.”
41. You think Andrew Breitbart was a legitimate journalist.
42. You think being a teabagger has nothing to do with testicles
43. You think George Soros wrote 1984.
44. You think health insurance reform somehow affects your 2nd amendment rights.
45. You think it appropriate to arm yourself for political rallies and think armed militias are a great and noble idea.
46. You think that atheists, gays and minorities are not real Americans.
47. You think that Creationism is a valid theory to teach children in science classes.
48. You think that natural disasters are God’s wrath on humanity for homosexuality.
49. You think the Tea Party is a grassroots organization.
50. You’ve ever held a sign that said, “You can have my healthcare when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers.”
There is no stupider creature on earth than a poor Republican. Such a person would stand in line to be sodomized and then thank their assailant afterward.