As most of the CCB regulars know, I have two dogs, a Jack Russell Terrier and a small Pug. Lately, they have demonstrated an 'attitude' when I am preparing for a night out playing pool.
It begins with them both pouting as I shower and shave. As I get dressed, they attempt the 'guilt trip' by bringing me their favorite toys. The 'coup de grāce' is when they lay on top of the sofa cushions, staring out through the window and seemingly crying as they watch me drive away.
None of this was really clear to me until my recent bout with the flu. How can I explain this without all of you thinking I have lost my mind? You know those dog whistles that you blow that only your dog can hear? It seems that is what large dosages of NyQuil does for me...
...That's right, I can hear what my dogs are saying. The funny thing is, until this recent conversation with them, they didn't know I could understand every word they said.
It began last night as I prepared to meet up with OPC and eg8r at Billy Weir's...
I was almost completely dressed and suddenly, I heard McKenzie (the Pug) say to Madison (the JRT):
"I hid his shoes. They're under the bed. If he can't find them, maybe he'll stay home."
Madison laughed a sinister little 'dog laugh'.
I pulled on my socks and instinctively reached under the bed to retrieve my shoes. Both dogs looked perplexed and Madison mused that I must have seen McKenzie hide them.
As always, prior to leaving for any prolonged period of time, I take them out for a quick walk so they can 'do their business'. Last night, was to be slightly different.
As we began our walk, it was clear to me they were acting differently. They ran to their favorite trees but instead of 'watering the landscape', they simply chose to sniff. I heard Madison say, "He won't take us back inside if we don't go!" McKenzie, obviously in severe need of relieving herself could only promise to "try".
That little ploy didn't last long. McKenzie's bladder was about to erupt when she finally gave in. Madison was soon to follow.
We walked back to the apartment with both of them 'dogging it' as we walked. It was like a death-row inmate's walk to the 'Death Chamber'...slow and reserved, seemingly afraid of what lay ahead.
We walked into the apartment and they each received their obligatory 'Milk Bone'. This time, instead of eating them, they chose to just stare at them. "Pretend you're sick" Madison said to McKenzie. They both rolled over onto their backs and let out little moans of insinuated pain.
As this took place, I walked back to my bedroom to retrieve my cues. McKenzie, quick to recognize that their plan wasn't working, shouts to Madison, "Eat that little cube of blue stuff that he steals from the pool hall. He needs that stuff. He won't leave without it!" Madison, reflecting on the last cube of Masters she chose to dine on and how painful it was to pass that whole cube of chalk, politely declined McKenzie's request.
I left, played pool for a few hours and upon my return home, while still feeling under the weather, took four more doses of NyQuil and had this talk with each of them:
"I know you don't think I understand you but I do. I know of the little plans you have concocted to keep me home. You must understand that pool is my only hobby. It is my only release from the stresses of everyday life. Yes, I love pool but I also love you. I would never put anything before your health and well being. Please, understand that although I am going to the poolhall to be with many of my friends, it is you I come home to. If you really want me to quit playing and at the same time, deny me of the happiness the game brings to me, simply ask and I will quit."
They both stared at me and acted as though they didn't understand me. They just wagged their tails and looked at each other, each quietly whispering to the other, "He tried that speech on his ex-wife and it didn't work. Why should we believe him?"
The next thing I know, one is hiding my shoes and the other is chewing the tips off my Schon!
I will certainly be glad when I start to feel better. I'm almost out of NyQuil and I need to have a talk with the neighbor's cat. I better get to the drug store...
Happy Weekend everyone,