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Thread: Am I allowed to own Canadians???

  1. #1
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    Am I allowed to own Canadians???

    Dear ...,

    Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination.

    I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them.

    1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

    2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

    3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual clean- liness - Lev.15:19-24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

    4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

    5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

    6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

    7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

    8.Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

    9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

    10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

    I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.


  2. #2
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    Re: Am I allowed to own Canadians???

    LOL. Thanks.

  3. #3
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    Re: Am I allowed to own Canadians???

    <blockquote><font class="small">Quote wolfdancer:</font><hr> Dear ...,

    Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination.

    I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them.

    1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

    2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

    3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual clean- liness - Lev.15:19-24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

    4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

    5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

    6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

    7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

    8.Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

    9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

    10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

    I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

    <hr /></blockquote>

    Yeah, thats a bunch of old testament crap.. everything changed in the new testament when Jesus died for everyones sins and all that. I'm glad I didn't live back then.

  4. #4
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    Re: Am I allowed to own Canadians???

    geez,i thoght this was about owning canadians. downtown might be for sale &lt;G&gt;

  5. #5
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    Re: Am I allowed to own Canadians???

    Well, It's up to you. I think resale value is important but what really matters is, what feels good to you. Go to your local slave trader and ask to try a few out. Remember, it doesn't matter what anyone says. It has to feel right for you.

    Regards,

    C.C.~~standard answer #12,561 [img]/ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

  6. #6
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    Re: Am I allowed to own Canadians???

    You have asked some excellent questions wolfdancer. I can answer some of them now. <blockquote><font class="small">Quote wolfdancer:</font><hr>1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? <hr /></blockquote> No. The best way to avoid having your neighbors complain when throwing a party or conducting a ceremony is to invite them and make sure they feel welcome. This is a great way to avoid having them complain to the authorities.<blockquote><font class="small">Quote wolfdancer:</font><hr>2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? <hr /></blockquote>Her value will be proportional to her beauty, charm and talents; and inversely proportional to her age.<blockquote><font class="small">Quote wolfdancer:</font><hr>4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians? <hr /></blockquote>The North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) precludes the enslavement of persons between the signatory countries which includes both Canada and Mexico. As transportation and communication methods have become much faster, the world has effectively become smaller. Other treaties between nations such as the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) have created alliances that render enslavement of each others people inappropriate. Automated manufacturing methods have reduced reliance on manual labor, and the general economic prosperity based on the subsequent increased productivity has led to feelings of guilt towards enslaving others.<blockquote><font class="small">Quote wolfdancer:</font><hr>5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself? <hr /></blockquote>One should not take such matters into one's own hands. The appropriate procedure is to assemble a mob and collectively perform the deed.<blockquote><font class="small">Quote wolfdancer:</font><hr>9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?<hr /></blockquote>Yes. Note that many members of the NFL now wear gloves while playing. The holiness of these players can also be identified in their post game interviews. They inevitably begin them with, to the joy of the interviewers and the fans, statements praising Jesus or in some cases, Allah.

    =TB

  7. #7
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    Re: Am I allowed to own Canadians???

    Tom, i didn't know about all these treaties. now I'm hesitant to send Mr. Bush my plan to solve the unemployment issue... Plantations..
    Ok, I'll pay the Canadians, but only in Canadian money

  8. #8
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    Re: Am I allowed to own Canadians???

    <blockquote><font class="small">Quote wolfdancer:</font><hr>Dear ...,

    Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. <font color="red"> In terms that you might understand, rather than 'abomination', think of it as a 'detestable sin' </font color>

    I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them.

    1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? <font color="red">It is the offering of the bull that is pleasing to the Lord, not the odor. </font color>

    2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? <font color="red">Exodus 21:7 does not promote the selling of slaves but speaks on when a slave may be set free. </font color>

    3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual clean- liness - Lev.15:19-24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense. <font color="red">"The problem is, how do I tell?" This one is amusing. Check the waste can in the bathroom for a freshly opened feminine hygeine product </font color>

    4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians? <font color="red"> It actually applied to everyone but the people of Israel </font color>

    5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself? <font color="red"> No where in the Scripture does it say you will be "put to death" for working on Sunday. It does say, "Anyone who works on that day will die." By what means is up to your understanding and interpretation of the Word. </font color>

    6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? <font color="red"> Lev. 11:10 reads: "You may not, however, eat marine animals that do not have both fins and scales. You are to detest them." Hmmm...no reference to homosexuals in that verse.</font color>

    7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? <font color="red"> This was done to prevent the desecration of the Holy places. While they couldn't approach the altar, the Lord would share his food with them, including the holiest of offerings. Good try my friend. </font color>

    8.Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die? <font color="red"> Lev. 19:27 does not indicate anywhere in the verse that if one cuts his hair, he will meet certain death. Chapter 19 deals with 'Holiness in Personal Conduct', not 'Death by SuperCuts'. </font color>

    9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? <font color="red"> Lev. 11:6-8 states the animals described in the verse are "ceremonially unclean" for someone and nowhere indicates "touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean". </font color>

    10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend) <font color="red"> Lev. 19:19 states: "You must obey all laws. Do not breed your cattle with other kinds of animals. Do not plant your field with two kinds of seed. Do not wear clothing woven from two different kinds of fabric." It does not indicate that one would suffer death or stoning for doing so, yet he simply commits a violation of Holiness in personal conduct. </font color> . He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. <font color="red"> Can't argue with that one. In fact, I kind of like it. </font color> Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) <font color="red"> I have to go along with that one too. Gets rid of the freaky ones, don't you think? </font color>

    I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging. <hr /></blockquote>

    You have had your fun, twisting Scripture into what you want others to think it means but you forget, others can read the Bible too, and point out your errors and omissions just as I have. God bless you and be well.

    Regards,

    Ken (this is much better than yacking about which phenolic-resin-multi-layered-laminated-shaft-is-best-for-your-Predator-butt)

    [color:"red"]RackMup![/color]





  9. #9
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    Re: Am I allowed to own Canadians???

    Wolfdancer wasn't making a logical argument; he was satirizing. The idea is that there are plenty of problems with observing the Bible literally. Especially concerning the Old Testament. But as a Christian, you can't just throw the Old out because of the New. Jesus said that he didn't come to do away with the scriptures, but rather to fulfill them. There are plenty of other laws that don't make much sense. Some, if not many, cannot be defended on the grounds that they are perennially true. I'll go find some.

  10. #10
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    Re: Am I allowed to own Canadians???

    Ken, I've been properly chastised, and never should have posted anything, meant to be humorous, re the bible. It wasn't even my original writing, I just found it, and did a paste and copy &lt;the extent of my literary talent&gt; This all started when I read another post about what your favorite pool book was, and I was going to respond that mine was Revelations, the apocalypse, which prepares you for all the terrible things that can happen to you in 9-ball. Then I found out that there's a whole collection of apocalypses,called the Psuedopigrapha,in the O.T. Anyway, one link led to another, and I found that and posted it,instead. Re another thread, what kinda hobbies do pool players have? Well it's obvious,from the Gay Christian debate; they read the Bible, and can quote chapter and verse, verbatim, probably without Cliff's Notes. Being R.C., my bible is different then yours,and I'd be "unarmed" in any further discussion on religion. So, i'll apologise to anyone that was offended, and not bring the subject up again.

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