Have you noticed anything fishy about the inspection teams who have
arrived in Iraq? They're all men. How in the name of the United
Nations does anyone expect men to find Saddam's stash? We all know
that men have a blind spot when it comes to finding things. For
crying' out loud! Men can't find the dirty clothes hamper. Men can't
find the jar of jelly until it falls out of the cupboard and
splatters on the floor.... and these are the people we have sent into
Iraq to search for hidden weapons of mass destruction?
I keep wondering why groups of mothers weren't sent in. Mothers can
sniff out secrets quicker than a drug dog can find a gram of dope.
Mothers can find gin bottles that dads have stashed in the attic
beneath the rafters. They can sniff out a diary two rooms and one
floor away. They can tell when the lid of a cookie jar has been
disturbed and notice when a quarter inch slice has been shaved off a
A mother can smell alcohol on your breath before you get your key in
the front door and can smell cigarette smoke from a block away. By
examining laundry, a mother knows more about their kids than Sherlock
Holmes. And if a mother wants an answer to question, she can read an
offender's eyes quicker than a homicide detective.
So... considering the value a mother could bring to an inspection
team, why are we sending a bunch of old men who will rely on
electronic equipment to scout out hidden threats? My mother would
walk in with a wooden soup spoon in one hand, grab Saddam by the ear,
give it a good twist and snap, "Young man, do you have any weapons of
And God help him if he tried to lie to her. She'd march him down the
street to some secret bunker and shove his nose into a nuclear bomb
and say, "Uh, huh, and what do you call this, mister?"
Whap! Thump! Whap! Whap! Whap! And she'd lay some stripes across his
bare bottom with that soup spoon, then march him home in front of the
whole of Baghdad. He'd not only come clean and apologize for lying
about it, he'd cut every lawn in Baghdad for free for the whole damn
Inspectors my ass... You want the job done? Call my mother.